October the thirteenth!

1. I bowled 130 times in total during the day. Different balls were bowled at different speeds and the slog overs were bowled very slowly for it was getting darker and I needed the ball to be with me to continue the practice. It seemed I had lost it about two times. If the student who comes at three thirty in the afternoon was willing to come half an hour earlier: I would have reached on ground in time for completing my everyday goal before it was dark. I needed sleep to let muscles heal and I got it. It’s more than twenty overs of bowling : I should be content with it but the food and environment are beyond my control: to be able to continue any sports activities: you need constant energy. Flux is the law : if I can continue to practice for a few days : I consider myself fortunate.

2. Moderation is not just good for me: it’s a constraint. On Spotify as I keep listening to music: the advertisers use rhetorics and exhort in very convincing voices about upgrading the music. If it was really possible: I would have opted for the best quality without delay. But the ground reality is: I received this smartphone after about ten months’ delay: after confirmation that I was indeed living with goblins and it was systematic “Wicker Men” movie since a long long time. To recharge the internet services I have to toil hard at work. And to remain worried about my next meals. Thus: music industry which does help me focus on things which matter: comes via channels which are run by advertisement agencies. Premium is the word they keep chanting while I barely have money to keep my life support on. What did humanity come to and when?

3. I played five jams on vocabulary.com. There were forty participants per game on an average. I scored points enough to be within top three in the best of five. Easy enough to do. Visual questions need a bandwidth which can’t be reached with current internet speed. Internet is free for educational purposes in many countries and this country only has dark web and dark net to sacrifice foster kids. Lowest quality of technology is given to genuine researchers and best of it to military and political propaganda. Why preach nonviolence and harmony if it’s always an all out war? If you don’t keep walking: you can’t even stand up. The reality of fasting: which is preached in Hinduism and by Gandhi and others: if you truly practice it in an environment like I live in and continue to do it regularly: countless hounds come nibbling at your soul. They eat your life force by every movement of theirs. For decades upon decades breathing and music were my only rescue: I was always a pariah no matter where I lived. The moment I trusted I was preparing a ground for being cheated. This is the only reality I know at individual level.

4. I am engaged in more number of activities than I thought. If I keep track of all of them they seem superhumane compared to my previous lifestyle and it has no support if I ever need rest because I was feeding goblins all my life. If I had refused to come back to this place: perhaps I might have met goblins in different garbs but the totality is too much for anyone to take: especially when the night is very dark. Hence: the music, literature, recreation, sports and diversions. If you are told: what is called death is going to happen countless number of times and the cycles of fear, desire, aversion and attachment come no matter what you do: you might not believe it because you have been shown great dreams. Better to wake up than to continue dreaming fantastic dreams. It’s all a matrix. Friends, family, society, community, religion, business and other things. Only when I have gone totally beyond the energy constraints and limitations: I was in, i would let you know about the journey. Right now: I really don’t know where I am and how I reached here. It is a dream which sometimes becomes a nightmare. And when it does: time stops. You can’t sleep. You can’t rest. It’s what Buddhism calls the ‘pitch darkness’ : neither gods nor mantras help in that space. Jolts of electrical current and accumulated pain haunts you. Though imaginary: the hell is as real as heaven is. Gray aliens attack you collectively in the final hours of spasm when you have convulsions: there’s no rescue then. If I am here to report about that space there certainly exist worse states of existence and if they are unavoidable for every being: there is absolutely no point in exalting heavens or enlightenment. Because: total enlightenment means knowing each and everything. On the other hand: if the darkness is merely a shadow: an ignorance : it should appear like a passing show. Not like a Jacob’s ladder or convulsions in an eternal nightmare.

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