Echo

Echo reveals something strange. It’s different from what I expected. It seems to be an ongoing study.

First, there is a memory from the Corona period. I used an app- Google Spotify to meditate using a mantra. I heard a specific abuse uttered by the home minister of the country mixed into that stream. This was the first experience of that kind- distorting sources of Dharma online. It might have been done by the ruling party, or by the opposition or by someone belonging to the app or by a third party. I didn’t have a clear insight, however I published a brief article reporting about it. That abuse was already circulated using the media as something funny- not something serious though it is a matter of discussion whether politicians in a democracy should be demagogues only by letting their speech degrade as much as possible or they should exercise caution.

One is to expunge and edit out slurs or Freudian glitches from speeches of leaders and the other extreme is to circulate them as valid symbols of virtue. Even some followers who get circulation in popular media feel proud and confident by declaring that using some abusive language about themselves, which seems to have become normal.

Many years afterwards another insight emerges. These can only emerge from the lived experience as existential wisdom rather than theoretical conjectures which turn out to be false in experience. I was using another app which had noise and it was supposed to provide me mind isolation. This noise was wordless music. Natural sounds have a lot of discrete packets whereas some frequencies like Brown Noise are supposed to give continuous analogous range which prevents noise which is external to this. The purpose is to prevent man made noise mostly. It’s similar to music from movies and albums which are highly loaded with emotional reactions-the app seems to work fine until I start hearing some emotionally charged abuse signals which seem to be embedded into the Brown Noise sound stream.

The previous mystery of how the abusive stream created by using the voice of  a politician was embedded into the stream of a traditional mantra was allowed or mixed wasn’t resolved by anyone. Those who did it definitely knew about it and those who read my weblog didn’t offer any insights on how that was done.

Why is it done is obvious.

Similarly, after systematically achieving the end goal of getting me into an ICU and then to a psychiatrist it became a mission to achieve the goal of overriding the mind isolation within the room which I considered a sanctuary to rest or to relax.

The echo was embedded into my mind stream. I didn’t know how it seemed to be current and corresponding to my thoughts and actions but after struggling with it for enough long I observed how it wasn’t present immediately outside the room. There seemed no visible resources which might have been used to record a lot of noise using regular sounds which seemed like the voice of people nearby and corresponded to my mental states.

When I again used the noise cancellation earphones I recognised that the echo of voices was a persistent recording rather than usual sounds created by a real activity of people. It was strange because it seemed like a ghostlike phenomenon where all of the people upstairs were awake all night long merely to create a Jeremy Bentham’s Panaudicon. The other version is Panopticon. Here  the audio stream of thinking seemed to be monitored in the real time.

The use of noise cancellation earphones and apps brought it to clarity that these were sounds glued to the subtle channels. I thought a person was crying or abusing or shouting at odd hours of night which might not have been possible. I didn’t even bother to switch the fan off which prevented the consistent stream from nearby rooms to reach my room. Once when I switched the fan off there was no echo. Clearly the sounds in the echo depended on the availability of the air.

It’s like an epiphany. That the scarecrow is not a living entity. It deprives the audio stream or echo of its strength.

We know enough to know that we don’t.


Geography. They want to study Geography today. I start reading. Wait, we had already covered the fourth chapter, which is about the climate. It’s not until I reach to the passage where measurements for thirty years are discussed as a requirement for determining the climate at a place that I get a Deja Vu.
They accept when I tell it.
What should I read them?
The first chapter.
The usual:
The elder has done his homework. Partially. The younger hasn’t even attempted it.
It’s tricky to get milk pasteurised. If you think it’s the fixed amount of time including when the stove is on ‘sim’ and when it’s on ‘fast’ – you will not get it right. It is more about how long it takes after the gas is burning up faster. It needs your undivided presence then.
I hear the call of the milkman for the grandmother who’s absent. I greet him as I approach. I receive milk as mother had asked me to do. I put it on the gas stove for pasteurisation.
Earlier, before I could serve tea to parents, students arrived. I was supposed to bring chair inside the room and remove utensils from the table. This gives the elder plenty of time to scroll through his Instagram feed.
I am patient. I think he would give it up without insisting. He won’t. I wait.
He shows me a video from his classroom!
That’s height of freedom in a government school. Artistic freedom. His teacher was within the class when the video was being made. How’s it possible?
Then he happily narrates how three of his friends had beaten up a student who had complained about them. They carry smartphones to school.
Backbenchers.
He sides with the horseplay. He sides with the winners. The teacher is connected with the student who made the video and also connected with the student who showed me the video and they’re not scared.
I warmed up the tea again for mother before she left.
Father is attending a call.
Did the younger student spend time before the mirror? Yes.
They clashed once or twice today though it’s not serious. I advised the elder to not strike on head.
He’s wearing another wristband of friendship. It has just FRIEN written on it.
It’s sharp. Metallic. I warn him to be careful with that.
Steel bangle. Thread. Metal wristband. These are all fashionable props for the role he’s playing in the theatre of life: a rowdy teenager who’s tough.
As a plump teenager he wasn’t like this. Adolescence, harmones, company and environment have transformed him dramatically in the last five years.
He belongs to bullies. He’s proud of that. He’s even enjoying being rude and violent to his sibling. More than ever before.
I try to tease the younger one just a bit about the smartphone. It’s puzzling. His expressions don’t suggest that there’s any competition regarding the smartphone use and ownership. It’s not an impending war. He’s going to fight slowly for a long time to get the luxury his elder brother is enjoying.
However, I again remark on his complete loss of interest in studies. In doing that I realise that I am not being like my usual self. I am behaving more like my parents who used to make me feel ashamed when they wanted me to work harder on studies.
The things I tell him are all facts. Only thing is: I am doing it regularly. Rehash. Balderdash? No. Rehash.
When I ask the elder if he recalls his brother’s previous performance: he hardly takes any interest, though he nods. He’s more concerned about acnes on his face. The younger is busy examining his image in the mirror. I talk about covering the window pane with newspapers. The elder is in agreement.
The younger appears to be dreamy and lost in the thought before they leave.
The Geography chapter was brief. They ask about China. China has been in the news. They might have heard the news.
We study a bar graph which has relative comparison of countries with biggest geographical areas in the world.
The elder comments on the small size of country in the map shown. I take note of this and start discussion on how small we actually are in comparison to the area of a country. Then I upscale the discussion by using refrences to galaxies, solar systems and universe. He asks if galaxies blast. He might have heard of the Big Bang. I briefly tell him about Quasars, formation of stars and hypothetical universe.
I tell him how we really don’t know much about anything. I tell him how no single human being knows not more than bits and pieces. Even collective knowledge of humanity is much less compared to collective ignorance.
We know enough to know that we don’t.

Animals

A little mouse was tapping at the door in the morning. It has been trying to move out since last night. I had helped it move out yesterday when there were kids to attend class. It was slithering on slippery surface, unable to find its way out. I don’t know if it was the same mouse that entered the room again or if it was another. I helped it out by opening the door. There was some scraped wood from the door hinge. Nearby lying the dead body of a small lizard. I saw a little lizard dying yesterday as I was coming back from washroom last evening. Its tail was writhing for a while. It was sad to see it like that. I don’t know where it was hiding or how it died. It was too cold for any lizards to be around. It’s only a synchronicity that earlier I had mentioned fossil fuels and lizards in connection to them as I was going to change a gas cylinder. A moth was flying near the phone last evening. I think these were too many animals within a short span of time. The temperature has reduced.