Took bath in the evening. There was not enough space during the day. I use space for time and time for space. Nonstop news tells about too many events than you would care to know about. The purpose is to make you feel alive- if that’s how you feel alive. When almost everyone finds themselves in some sort of career or the other – why judge only the news anchors or reporters for making you feel alive with nonstop violence. No. You shouldn’t. It’s not very different from cinema. Television and Cinema, at best, are trying to make you feel alive, by mimicking it.
I hear the bells from the worship room. It’s my mother. I heard bells early in the morning. It was not my mother. She was leaving for work. It was urgent. It has always been.

For a change she chose to go by van. I was waiting for her at about five o’clock. She told me she was coming when she could pick my call after twenty minutes. Ivan was the name of the director of the movie. Strange words with which sequences play. Sometimes you doubt as if you are acting in a pre-organised play. But this assumption can only be a comfortable pastime at times.
Pastime pastiche chenrezigzagzigguratbaggery.
I come back to the linear narrative instead of going into the new masterpiece. My friend’s brother was telling me why he was alive. His elder brother. Even his father, with a different face, was alive. I was telling them that they had passed away. I told them the story. Then I heard the door. Someone was knocking. It was my mother. She was leaving. She was leaving for work. It’s urgent. It’s always urgent.

There’s some cash in my hands which I paid for buying snacks. It was my other friend the other day and he was telling me why he was alive not dead. Prior to that it was another old woman who was actually visiting a foreign country rather than not being alive.
My father tried calling me. He was trying the contact number which is no longer in service. A guest had arrived. They were supposed to visit some place.
I edited the contact. Deleted the one which is no longer active and showed him the new contact. I sense an unease about him. Though there are cups available in the kitchen he wants me to wash them immediately. I remove some trays from the rack in the hall.
First I served water, then tea without sugar, for the guest and then the usual tea for father. I had it myself. The ginger tea.
Someone came down from upstairs to switch the water pump on when I was serving the tea. Then later I heard a call to switch it off.
Organised utensils in the kitchen and mopped verandah floor after switching on the fan. This area is almost always wet and slippery.
Served food to father with water. Then I had it myself. There was rice but not enough pulse. The plan might have been to eat rice in the evening, like yesterday. Helped him with cooling down of milk which was to be filled in a bottle.
Getting internet connection recharged is again an uphill task now. I look for the cheapest plans. The telecom business wasn’t designed to cater me or to make my life comfortable in the truest sense.
This weblog isn’t about projecting how I hide my shortcomings. Nor about exaggerating them. Nor about equating something objective with something subjective.
I fill the jug up with water for drinking. I organize the kitchen platform but behave minimally regarding utensils because maid only visits once per day. I clean the kitchen platform near the gas stove as it is sticky.
Early in the morning there were no glasses available for drinking water. There weren’t any pots to pasteurise milk either. Since maid was about to arrive I waited. Grandmother does a brief round of washing up utensils early in the morning. I will wait until I absolutely need to fill that role up. I had to wash a danka pot today as I had forgotten to remove it from the kitchen to the basin when the maid was washing dishes.
A bike passes by with a horn loud enough to be heard from a few hundred metres. I read about Throstle. Song thrush. There’s a video about that on YouTube. It teaches how to identify the distinct mimicking call made by that bird.
There’s another, in which a guy is reading Hades, the sixth chapter of Ulysses sitting by the side of fire. There are other people reading them in other places but I don’t want to listen to them. Gemini recommended these videos as I was discussing with it.
They repeat. Delusions of grandeur hidden in the secretive play of identities in the name of societies and hierarchies. I know what they are building towards and why. And yet I don’t participate in them one way or the other. Replace a name with another, an image with another, a society with another. Keep doing that as a means to escape. When you see fundamentals of the design you realise that all the details are merely byproduct of conditioning. They’re not as superficial as self help gurus will like you to believe. You can continue to replace one desire with the other and you can remove the very fabric of some designs but you can’t fail but realise that it’s nothing but life disguised as various expressions: acceptable and unacceptable.
The very nature of default control operates on assumptions of details. Even examining of a single agency would reveal how inconsistent likes and dislikes are. Why are they assumed to be likeable and otherwise. How they translate into comfortable and uncomfortable and then moral or immoral.
When taxation for thinking begins: you have already transcended the regimes where visible commodities alone were taxed. Tax on food, water and shelter: yes. Tax on thinking? Strange but true. How can such a fleeting entity be taxed?
It’s more systematic manipulation than you think. It emanates from deeper resources than you think it does. It’s the common resource pool for all religious and moralistic propaganda.
Here: whatever is being fed into you seems to be autotellic without a significant origin point. You must be. You are. Yes. Success. Next course. It’s an infallible machine with everything pre determined. There’s no escape from it. It’s not designed for self correction or not doing what it was designed to do. Hence: your surprise is a waste. Your wonder, fatigue or disbelief are useless. It knows what it knows-in advance and it will let you know that it knows.