1. I eat fruits. Fallen on ground.

2. It takes me a lot of time to make-up my mind to write. I would have preferred sitting quietly, watching the setting Sun, the dance, birds frolicking, chirping and returning to nests in various groups.

3. Even in the recreated identity and objective : my efforts tend to fall off on their own. Sometimes it’s pain, at others it’s pain by proxy.

4. There’s a transmuted liquid. It tastes good. It’s elixir according to some texts. It has only given me fanciful dreams. It’s the liquid which plays these games. It gets vital or weak. The liquid has desires. It’s the desire to live and experience.

5. You’re advised to shun pleasure and prolong life. The wisest have advised to fight death. Death is ego. Ego is thought. Thought structures come to regular end. First it were events which seemed fatalistic then it becomes repeated occurrence.

6. The objectives I created as excuse for living are found to be falsehood. The reality asserts itself vehemently.

7. It often seems like: waking up from dream clouds. Again and again. Identities only work until there are users. They’re usually players. The people in the surrounding who have a weak understanding of reality.

8. Even the passing verses of greatest adepts don’t provide solace. This yearning is an all consuming fire. All relations, identities and roles get burnt in it. I tried to fit but there was never any reality to any of it.

9. I get the true meaning of adjective loftily.

10. The silence feels heavenly. I read a bit from Fountain of Ethics in Hindi. Yesterday I read a prologue by Hazari Prasad Dwivedi. On autobiography of Bana Bhatta who wrote Kadambari. He was contemporary to Harsha. Ideas of Catherine : the lady who inspired him to work on completing the book were eye opener. She thought her life was wasted as she was woman. She chide him for being lazy despite being a man. She told him about even European women being shy and unable to work as much as men because of the limitations imposed by the nature.

11. Crescent moon is just above my head. Peeping through three wires. Everything I say or do, unto you, seems to be cheap substitute of some higher existence, as if it was available, right here and now, except it isn’t.

12. Most people keep postponing life. Giving up on even the small pleasures with hope of some heavenly gains. Then it’s too late. I am not one of those.

13. I often think if poetry is more than exercise of imagination. In that sense it’s not taken apart from reality. Imagination is more powerful than reality to give you unreal expectations. Unreal anxieties and sometimes working as foundation for ideas which become reality: our day to day life.

14. Batlings are dancing in zig Zag patterns. Mosquitoes dance. Another twilight. Peace.

Dancing Mosquitoes!

1. Birds are returning to their nests. Some mosquito dance nearby. Sounds of prayers from nearby mosque. I had some fruits to eat-ones which were lying below the tree in a remote corner. It had rained last evening.

2. Some dogs accompanied me on this walk. I am not indispensable in any of the processes in my day-to-day life. Not a must for anyone in the circle of acquaintances. Sometimes I feel it’s a bad reflection on my skills and ability. At others I feel it is the result of all of my choices: an expression of my true nature. I neither bind nor like to be bound.

3. If it doesn’t free you : none of the skills is of any use. Even best of crafts make you a slave to the process after a while. Despite being free I am able to get my sustenance at present which makes me feel fortunate. I don’t worry about it as much as I used to worry couple of years ago.

4. The day went smooth like a breeze. It’s the contrast. I had to take painkillers for toothache yesterday. The same toothache for which I had to undergo root canal couple of years ago.

5. Batlings are jogging in the air now. Zig Zag patterns. Plum glum lumpsum summum bonum numbat battue Tuesday. Gone are the days of standard standards. I am at peace and wonder why I forget the essentials so soon.

The twilight darkens now.