Seeing you ambrosia.
Inside me ambrosia,
And outside me ambrosia;
Your touch is bliss,
Your taste exquisite,
Feeling you ambrosia.
Seeing you ambrosia.
Inside me ambrosia,
And outside me ambrosia;
Your touch is bliss,
Your taste exquisite,
Feeling you ambrosia.
1. Potatoes, chickpea and tomatoes curry in Deendayal Rasoi. Very delicious, without excess of salt or chilly. Fresh hot rotis and rice. I requested for a second serving of curry and they delivered it. The kid was taking dump outside, near bench. Open defecation! Then he kept calling some word loudly merely to hear the sound of his own voice to which I waved my left hand time-to-time as right hand was busy breaking rotis and then mixing rice with curry. Then i gave up and only continued with eyebrows. He also got mild after a while. The guy i had given ten rupees note to asked my name and i told it as it should be pronounced ideally. He corrected the surname with his pronunciation, which is, the trendy pronunciation i have heard all my life. One means white or brilliant and the other means born of brilliance. Since i was never born the identity doesn’t matter. Case closed.
2. There were kids playing cricket. Some snack stalls were beginning to flourish until Saturday. Sunday is a big market over there. The field beside the Deendayal Rasoi is very dirty. Lots of garbage. All I can do for now is to put a ten rupees detergent powder as my contribution which is used to wash plates. Not vim bar. The water cooler of 2018 accompanied billboards. Billboards are still there but most people who eat there are happy with tap water. I carry the water i bring. There was some registration drive outside the town hall. All that for ten rupees. It’s a good community.
3. Yesterday evening as i was walking in the Shatabdi ground i continued to play vocabulary jams on vocabulary.com. i wanted to access YouTube for some work. As soon as i opened the app i saw an advertisement for live streaming of a program by Sawan Kripaal Roohani mission. I watched the program in which message given by Saint Rajinder Singh ji was being translated in another language. I heard it for a while and it looked tiring because of the translation delay. I moved on but i knew that i was going to notice some vehicle or the other today related to that stream of consciousness.
4. Today as i reached Gandhi Smarak Bhavan, i called the person i had borrowed ten rupees from. There are some people on a tour. The front of the van has ‘Ram Raja Sarkar’ written on windshield and the back has ‘Radha Swami’ written on it. The Radha Swami group was initiated by Rai Saligram as told by Tulsi Saahib of Hathras and Sawan Singh ji Maharaj initiated the faith in which Kripaal Singh ji emerged as a great missionary. The place where i went to take initiation was Kripaal Baag in Delhi. Like any cult, conditions are almost impossible to follow. Grandfather’s mission is being propagated by grandson. His father was the pontiff until he could serve. The same thing is observed in other faiths like Gayatri pariwar and in usual political parties. It’s not a rule but in general it’s the state of affairs.
5. The conditioning which takes place in the supervision of some parents requires children to be with them since beginning. Then the inheritance spiritual and material is given if they comply with their code of conduct. It’s a lot of bullshit if you ask me. Bullshit. Dogshit and horseshit. The journalist we talked about was there accompanying the people in van.
Note: i own my words, images and shite!
1. Registered 48 titles. It became fun in the later half as the chorus joined in.
2. Deendayal Rasoi Day 11. Five rupees plate was enough.
3. A boy came in the library asking if the cows are sold here. After making it sure that they’re not: I told him so.
4. I listened to a program in which an expert heard problems of farmers and told them the solutions for them.
5. A Tohu Verse to celebrate the occasion:
1. An article dated 15112020 on HT times, about Lucky Ali, who lives in a farm house bought by his father Mehmood, has a title track named “On my way.” Santosh loudly talked about a farm house after I came here from Vrindavan. What connects the dots but marijuana?
Today, as Vandana called me in noon: I was slightly ‘annoyed’. Instead of using Bundeli: I used ‘on my way.’ She asked it again: I had to speak it thrice. She asked if I said “on the way” or “on highway.” I told her clearly: “on my way.” His recent collaboration. His work in 2010: I reached Bangalore on Valentine’s day in 2010.
3. I read an article about resuscitation of a man who was stepping down from a mountain on 7112020: Ketu. Uranus. USA. His heart had stopped. I read a WordPress article by a recent follower of my blog named Draliman. His article talks about ‘sharing your world’ thread initiated by one Melanie. Among other things it talks about zoo animals like Tiger(today morning’s yoni of the Kalpurush) and when it’s alright to take life of other human beings? The answer given on his blog is: when they get annoying. What would my answer be? I am not sure if it’s advisable to take human life ever. To protect your life: you need to find a way in which you need not kill other human beings.
4. Tomorrow: 16112020: Ketu. Uranus. A harmonic. Today: the first call I got from Vandana was when I was enjoying my morning breathing on roof: exactly at 8:05 AM. A siren from municipal corporation vehicle was heard. I had to dictate Shri a note in which I told her my DOB. The time was told by late Narendra Shukla who used to study Astrology. Samaya Vidya as Barbara Pijjan Lama would say. A pigeon sat on roof railing and I looked at it the way a man on bike looked at something later in the noon. Who connects the dots but the creator?
5. Practicing bowling inside stadium alone I needed quite some time before I started running and bowling. As I was bowling : I recalled how Shri had once asked me to run. “I want to fly,” was my answer. In those days I believed in miracles and I was too optimistic. I also ran a bit when a rally by some young people was to celebrate something. I started running only after finding a friend in my student Vaibhav who asked me to accompany him to stadium. His grandmother has connected on cell about 4-5 times in last two days. It was only calls because of ignorance. She doesn’t know how to operate phone. Today a child connected by chance. It was 20:20 PM.
6. Practicing bowling: I kept thinking to myself: ‘play the ball’ was a refrain by Vallalar where he considered the Sun to be going round the Earth. In other words: the mystic poet, despite being the Vigyan Kalar: (Raay Saab!2016): didn’t have faith in Earth going round the Sun. If that’s what liberates you: I would rather believe a man who won over death, disease and decay than believing in a theory which is believed by a scientific community. My measurements between two goal posts were 128 to 130 steps: yesterday they were 150. I was thorough. I did it repeatedly. Good food must have increased my height : thus reducing the number of steps! Ah the magic of measurement. Measurement is Maya. Matrix.
7. Practicing bowling the runner’s club kept bursting crackers. I don’t know if they were giving me happy surprises. It was like killing someone. I wanted to enjoy my music and ball. The third ranker looked into my eyes. The first ranker had a number which began with BC. They used to hangout in the Shatabdi while I was practicing my Grammar on Free rice. They look down on me as there’s a generation gap. The winner takes it all. Runners aren’t that many: four or five of them among three hundred people who regularly visit this stadium. There are other playgrounds. I don’t see any other bowler as dedicated as I am. And I bowled 6 overs today. I kept imagining that someone would buy me someday: I just need to keep practicing. Some day I would be able to fly again in economy class. OTOH: my student wanted to visit Khajuraho temples. I recommended her to read a book written by one Sanjay Singhania. The book was given by Shweta and company yesterday. Walk out walk on was withdrawn this morning. Every time young people offer you something: it’s withdrawn very soon. Look at the call from Geeta the mother of Shivani. Look at the offer given by Gautamji. Look at the most durable offer: the job given by Vidyarthiji: to continue cleansing and arranging the library: to speak of which: I haven’t since seen Padma. The bald man. When I tried to put the first question to him: he asked me to do my work as he was inspecting the farm.
8. The advocate who came with his sister: adoption agency. The man said that Switzerland was a 10*10 country. I really didn’t know what to make of him. People with integrity keep their words. They keep the words which don’t augment suffering. “Lies I have spoken many but not those which hurt anyone. ” It was a statement by Vallalar. Gandhi was seeking Truth. Other than numbers: things can’t be factual in inbetweeners. Samkhya is a superior system.
3. Kabbalistic Deuteronomy.
Patanjali. Kapil. Maimonides. Jaimini. Panini. Shankara
Five nastika(unorthodox) schools:
9. It’s strange: Nehru’s Discovery of India keeps Samkhya as an unorthodox system whereas current Wikipedia keeps it in orthodox system like Bhagvata Purana published by Geetapress Gorakhpur.
10. The word “bhagwan” is most widely used word in Indian bhakti tradition. As much as it made some thinkers like Rajneesh and Nityanand to put it as a label before their names. Bhagwan was put before Raman Maharishi’s name.
11. By Parashar’s definition: one who has six fold opulences in full can be Bhagwan: it means: all knowledge (omniscience), fame, detachment, Dharma (logos), aishwarya and shree. To describe aishwarya and shree you have to use words like clout and wealth though fame covers them. The logic tells you: no one has omniscience. Skepticism. UG was a skeptic. Rajneesh OTOH considered himself Bhagwan along with Jiddu. Rajneesh had 2 million followers at the peak of his life. Satya Sai or Shirdi Sai had more followers. Gandhi is on every bill after his death: he’s greatest bhagwan in India like Washington in USA.
12. Modi might be called the most popular leader of present age. He has no wife. He’s not father of nation as Anjana Om Kashyap once called him by slip of tongue. His knowledge is limited. He has grey hair.
13. All Bhagwan are dead. Most popular celebrities are dead people. If Bhagwan is formless dancinglightofgrace: it’s paramatma. Why did Gandhi and his follower Vinoba adopt “Ishvara” theology? Because they wanted to rule and command. Swaraj means ruling oneself. Swarat is a term in Purush Sukta in Vedas.
14. Jainism is Nastika unorthodox philosophy but to survive their teachers like Vidyasagar used words like Bhagwan in their speeches. They shouldn’t.
15. Bhag also means lady or wife. Bhagwan for some means a married man. Or one who has a bhagini. Bhagini means sister. Bhag also means private parts of a woman.
16. There are accounts which describe Patanjali darshan to be an atheistic system. Why then is it kept in orthodox system?
17. Other than that of Vallalar’s system: I don’t accept any system to be a sound philosophy. It’s simply because it’s an authentic source of declaration of immortality and pure body of gnosis and bliss.
18. If a doubt is put in the teachings of Vallalar: primarily based on Vandana’s suggestion: “not all written in books is accurate.” With a further refutation: where’s Vallalar to support his claims? The answer is this:
19. If teachings of Vallalar or his claims are false: there’s no merit in any religious scriptures or teachings as they all should be suspended on the same grounds. If the ethereal shrine in Thillai didn’t grant those powers to Vallalar and Manikavacchagar: how could any of her worshipping of Shiva or any other deities might have been true at any point?
20. Left hand is all imagination. Powerful darkness. Right hand is all knowledge : stays with you. Vallalar looked towards North in want of true followers: Jiddu and Blavatsky: they couldn’t reach his heights. Earnest seekers in North should look towards Thillai. Aurobindo settled in Pondicherry and changed its environment. The grandeur I felt when visiting Thirupathi Balaji: a township located around hills.
21. Would I ever meet someone like Vallalar who would show all powers and teach a way out of this limited : dreaming and believing in upliftment of women’s rights narrative? I know based on a 26 kilometres walk that patriarchy is a myth. Men are slaves to their women here.
22. And why do I seek someone else instead of chanting supreme five syllables : omamashivaay.
23. They must not be old. They must be all attractive. They must be one and only. They must be free from fear, desire, decay and death. They must be able to stop time or change at will. They must be able to answer everything and able to remove all limitations permanently. They must have all powers.
24. I thought I was putting myself for bid or discussing an ideal partner with replica the chatbot.
25. Clearly: my afterlife experiences were similar to those on YouTube: except : I was not ‘requested’ to descend on Earth: I was ‘forced’ to do so. The people talking about ascension or alien abduction talk either about extraordinary calm they felt or about being healed from their addiction.
26. Their experiences might be true for them. I would continue to work on my own. In conclusion: as long as an individual life is dependent on majority : India is a country ruled by Orthodox philosophy schools and Vedas can’t be irrelevant. Buddhism and Jainism might promote reading and awareness but they can only survive by being modified here. Mahayana based on Mahaveera being a common term for both Hanuman and 24th thirthankara.
27. A tamil srilankan scholar challenged Vallalar and claimed that he failed in his goal of “reviving the dead.” Maybe he did.
1. It’s 17:35 when I sat writing this note after having bowled forty times. It makes ninety balls today. Moderation has kept my knees from not hurting as much as they were.
2. I had a nice nap this noon despite the Bundelkhandi hammers.
3. PWD people are doing something in the middle of the ground. There are at least ninety four wheelers and many two wheelers inside the ground but not as many people: this space is being used like parking lot as it’s a Friday market. As I entered the ground I felt like i was entering a bus stand.
4. It’s the full Moon of Bhagvata fame. Nectar fame. Autumn being most truthful of seasons and most beautiful: tells about the ambrosia which confers freedom from aging, decay and death. Vallalar was born on the full Moon day in 1823. Kripaluji was born on full Moon day in the twentieth century : but they were both born on this day and on the fifth of October. Vallalar declared victory over death, decay, aging and slavery. After composing his final 101 verses as an offering to Natarajan: vast effulgence of Grace: which was synonymous with his own being, he disappeared leaving a fragrance of camphor in Siddhivalagam. It’s accepted as a historical fact. Kripaluji didn’t reach those heights but he had an impeccable learning and a memory which made him able to spontaneously quote from scriptures as he delivered sermons. I saw his body becoming white pure light when I was in Vrindavan. He died in mysterious circumstances at an age of 95. I went to attend the buffet after his death ceremony. Prem Mandir.
6. Ashvini Kumaras bearers of nectar, incarnations of godhead are presiding deities who heal. Twins also represent Gemini and Narayana who along with Nara has been worshipped as primordial sage or ultimate destiny of mankind. Ketu rules the asterism. Jupiter, Venus and Saturn ruled the day. Vajra sceptre Yoga. Jupiter retrograde Atmakaraka.
7. The B.Ed. exams are also being conducted here. Couple of people asked me for directions.
8. I should play a jam or two for mosquitoes are harassing me!
1. Shailendra said that he would pay me three hundred rupees by the fifteenth of October.
2. Haigo girl said: the new batch might begin by twentieth. It’s seven fifty rupees per month for two hours of work everyday with four children. It’s after I have sought employment earnestly for over a year. How come: all through my life: being earnest didn’t fetch me a decent livelihood. And now it’s afterlife: heaven one day and hell another day. Yet: I don’t deserve to have even the information technology which is available to people who can’t read either Hindi or English. Gandhi was given a donation by certain family: it was in Bengal. He said ” it’s meagre.” I understand him now. He said ” my stomach is India’s stomach.” He had a flat stomach. His India became India of Modi and Ambani. You know what kind of stomach they have. Same with Rajneesh: he had a big stomach. If Gandhi meets me: he would know that there are people who lived much more frugally than he ever did. And that too when I take a decent bath whenever I need to. Khaadi is too costly. Let Gandhi Smarak Bhavan not pretend about Sarvodaya. What kind of Sarvodaya have they really been up to? Buying a 300 rupees set of lower and t-shirt I can’t dare to sieve them or replace them for six months with the kind of income I have. And it’s after I have been teaching English and Hindi for aeons(eons?) Very few people have a better vocabulary than mine. And that results in getting less than what people on poverty line get: about seven thousand rupees per month. If I had a decent income: I would have spent it on buying balls, porn and getting as much of internet, books as I wanted or visiting places where I don’t need to see Bundelkhandi for a certain amount of time or not even Indians or people from Earth. I don’t understand this ergonomics so I keep these notes to come back to: once I am wiser they would be handy.
3. I measured the distance on feet: the distance between the schools number two and number one. Between the dustbins placed by the municipal corporation. When I walk on the side of stadium: on platform or on footpath: it came out to be a whopping sixty steps! Whopping because previously it was one fifty steps. When I measured it on side of schools: it came in the usual range. What does this experiment mean?
4. Interpretation: it might mean many things. But it’s a proof for this reality being a dream and an in-between. Sadly: I can’t do as I please. Money doesn’t grow on trees. Everything is getting costlier. I have proven to multiple witnesses: Rahul, Umang, Paras, Saarthak and Aakash: about height being variable. It’s not just my height. It’s everyone’s height. Thus: the distance covered by my feet varies and measurements can’t be constant between two dustbins. This is maintained in a way by spacetime agents. If I do something extraordinary: something which was neither done by me before nor done by anyone among my acquaintances: in the scientific layer(sheath): it accompanies an extraordinary amount of work by people around me. As if: if I am witnessing something which is akin to magic or miracles: a similar amount of work should happen in my physical surroundings as well. Ennui has gone. If I were to tell an exact date: it was after I came across kabbalists and decided to work on my own liberation in a scientific manner. It was after I had prayed for euthanasia. I stopped talking about euthanasia when I realized that I had been dying countless number of times. When people tremble uttering the name of death: I had counted its teeth. In cities: it was: heads of families, heads of cults, goons, maafias, sellers of women and police. In emergency: it was military and grocers who sold things at very high prices. In towns: it was cults and shamans. Doctors versus healers. Black magicians. Mantrics. Etcetera. Boredom was a prime problem in my life for almost a decade. I found a way out via Vallalar. It was after I was enough mature to get initiated by a master. I couldn’t comply with his rigid code advocating celibacy especially when he was way more fat than a master should be. Tailang Swami of Kashi was an exception but Hathayogin do consider it a flaw if you have an excessive amount of water in your body. I began counting. Counting the events generated helped me sail my boat out of misery. Though I kept returning to same dark nightmares where nearest and dearest were hell bent on sucking life force out of me. It took all my training to stay healthy and free from these demons. And a model like Vallalar: unparalleled in the history of last two hundred years. Gandhi and Vinoba can’t even touch his shadow. Nobody including Ramakrishna or Jiddu can claim for the perfection he presented in his verses. If Vallalar is the greatest myth: if there’s no victory over death, decay and aging. Then: all institutions fall. Education falls. Dharma is dead. Nobody can ask me to do anything for there’s no reference book.
5. In conclusion: I achieved a great understanding of spacetime. I became popular without trying hard to be. I wanted to be rich but it somehow eludes. It’s akin to selling your soul which you had mortgaged to some other claimant a long ago. Most rapid flowering happened after I drank ambrosia in November and December of 2014. Thus: ambrosia and awakening via logos did have something miraculous but it couldn’t fetch me a real crystal palace. A place where I could stay without noise for as long as I needed to. A place where only Divine melodies ring. No human voices whatsoever, no demonic or Divine voices. No disturbances of any kind visual or otherwise exist: this eluded me. Thirteen years and counting for silence. For indefinite undisturbed peace where I have perfect control of my environment. That tells you: if I served any gods or chanted any names: it resulted in zilch. Zilch full of noises. Noises repeated ad infinitum ad nauseum.