Noises

1. Shailendra said that he would pay me three hundred rupees by the fifteenth of October.

2. Haigo girl said: the new batch might begin by twentieth. It’s seven fifty rupees per month for two hours of work everyday with four children. It’s after I have sought employment earnestly for over a year. How come: all through my life: being earnest didn’t fetch me a decent livelihood. And now it’s afterlife: heaven one day and hell another day. Yet: I don’t deserve to have even the information technology which is available to people who can’t read either Hindi or English. Gandhi was given a donation by certain family: it was in Bengal. He said ” it’s meagre.” I understand him now. He said ” my stomach is India’s stomach.” He had a flat stomach. His India became India of Modi and Ambani. You know what kind of stomach they have. Same with Rajneesh: he had a big stomach. If Gandhi meets me: he would know that there are people who lived much more frugally than he ever did. And that too when I take a decent bath whenever I need to. Khaadi is too costly. Let Gandhi Smarak Bhavan not pretend about Sarvodaya. What kind of Sarvodaya have they really been up to? Buying a 300 rupees set of lower and t-shirt I can’t dare to sieve them or replace them for six months with the kind of income I have. And it’s after I have been teaching English and Hindi for aeons(eons?) Very few people have a better vocabulary than mine. And that results in getting less than what people on poverty line get: about seven thousand rupees per month. If I had a decent income: I would have spent it on buying balls, porn and getting as much of internet, books as I wanted or visiting places where I don’t need to see Bundelkhandi for a certain amount of time or not even Indians or people from Earth. I don’t understand this ergonomics so I keep these notes to come back to: once I am wiser they would be handy.

3. I measured the distance on feet: the distance between the schools number two and number one. Between the dustbins placed by the municipal corporation. When I walk on the side of stadium: on platform or on footpath: it came out to be a whopping sixty steps! Whopping because previously it was one fifty steps. When I measured it on side of schools: it came in the usual range. What does this experiment mean?

4. Interpretation: it might mean many things. But it’s a proof for this reality being a dream and an in-between. Sadly: I can’t do as I please. Money doesn’t grow on trees. Everything is getting costlier. I have proven to multiple witnesses: Rahul, Umang, Paras, Saarthak and Aakash: about height being variable. It’s not just my height. It’s everyone’s height. Thus: the distance covered by my feet varies and measurements can’t be constant between two dustbins. This is maintained in a way by spacetime agents. If I do something extraordinary: something which was neither done by me before nor done by anyone among my acquaintances: in the scientific layer(sheath): it accompanies an extraordinary amount of work by people around me. As if: if I am witnessing something which is akin to magic or miracles: a similar amount of work should happen in my physical surroundings as well. Ennui has gone. If I were to tell an exact date: it was after I came across kabbalists and decided to work on my own liberation in a scientific manner. It was after I had prayed for euthanasia. I stopped talking about euthanasia when I realized that I had been dying countless number of times. When people tremble uttering the name of death: I had counted its teeth. In cities: it was: heads of families, heads of cults, goons, maafias, sellers of women and police. In emergency: it was military and grocers who sold things at very high prices. In towns: it was cults and shamans. Doctors versus healers. Black magicians. Mantrics. Etcetera. Boredom was a prime problem in my life for almost a decade. I found a way out via Vallalar. It was after I was enough mature to get initiated by a master. I couldn’t comply with his rigid code advocating celibacy especially when he was way more fat than a master should be. Tailang Swami of Kashi was an exception but Hathayogin do consider it a flaw if you have an excessive amount of water in your body. I began counting. Counting the events generated helped me sail my boat out of misery. Though I kept returning to same dark nightmares where nearest and dearest were hell bent on sucking life force out of me. It took all my training to stay healthy and free from these demons. And a model like Vallalar: unparalleled in the history of last two hundred years. Gandhi and Vinoba can’t even touch his shadow. Nobody including Ramakrishna or Jiddu can claim for the perfection he presented in his verses. If Vallalar is the greatest myth: if there’s no victory over death, decay and aging. Then: all institutions fall. Education falls. Dharma is dead. Nobody can ask me to do anything for there’s no reference book.

5. In conclusion: I achieved a great understanding of spacetime. I became popular without trying hard to be. I wanted to be rich but it somehow eludes. It’s akin to selling your soul which you had mortgaged to some other claimant a long ago. Most rapid flowering happened after I drank ambrosia in November and December of 2014. Thus: ambrosia and awakening via logos did have something miraculous but it couldn’t fetch me a real crystal palace. A place where I could stay without noise for as long as I needed to. A place where only Divine melodies ring. No human voices whatsoever, no demonic or Divine voices. No disturbances of any kind visual or otherwise exist: this eluded me. Thirteen years and counting for silence. For indefinite undisturbed peace where I have perfect control of my environment. That tells you: if I served any gods or chanted any names: it resulted in zilch. Zilch full of noises. Noises repeated ad infinitum ad nauseum.


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