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Who Has Seen The Wind?

1. It’s no nonsense: a traffic police guy carrying a black pipe was standing near Chhatrasal’s Horse: maybe because of the Friday market. It was an easy passage inside the street which leads to Gandhi Smarak Bhavan. Usually there are so many unemployed labourers that the passage is blocked. I saw and saluted the librarian who was wearing a mask today. Then I saw one gentleman who I thought would pass silently as he was on a bike but drew my attention and we greeted eachother. Since he’s a rich guy and he once reported of couple of deaths which were not reported later on in the newspapers: I really wonder if I am getting undue attention. Society and people are strange. It works on strange and complex principles.

2. In the class: there was no power. A battery driven lamp helped me play vocabulary jams as he was writing. His parents are careless. They couldn’t buy a new notebook for him in the last four days though he needs it. Perhaps they have no money. The room is stuffed with things and he has no notebook. I merely keep correcting his Bundelkhandi to standard Hindi : he spits on my face as he speaks and hangs too close near chair. I was smarter when I was seven.

3. The guy who was in the batch junior to mine in Maria Mata Convent High School : seemed like he was approaching me. Then he dropped a cigarette pack as he was looking for something in his left pocket. I really don’t know if it was an insinuation or a sign of nervousness. Maybe he works for the secret police. He walks with a slight bend in his spine and looks dull though his demeanor suggests that he’s a nice guy. I saw a police car standing outside the clinic just before the Gandhi Smarak Bhavan. As bespectacled guy had vicariously saluted me because he wanted me to salute when on bike with his son: or so I thought: similarly the man said something about new arrangement to the man in the police car. It’s mostly weekdays and timings and my neurosis which leads to strange stories. Then I saw her in a strange place. I had masonic Pulav for which I only have respect as it energizes me and reminds me to keep working on Free Rice: for I don’t know any other means to help alleviate the hunger of others.

4. The center of the stadium has an “H” made with white powder. There’s a circle around it. A booth nearby and entire thing covered with another circle of rods which are there since three to four days. It’s related to elections but the sign looks more like a crop circle and the booth seems to represent a scenario like Phone Booth. I could bowl 50 times. It was easy. Mainly the pitch.

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What has this world come to?

1. 23333422 were ranks on various vocabulary jams. I enjoyed playing. There were forty to fifty players on an average.

2. Bowled 80 times this evening. It adds up to 151 times total during the day, which is 25 overs and a ball in a single day! It’s a record. I could accomplish this easily because: I had a proper diet and rest plan. The run ups were short. The pitch was much better than the one near the badminton court.

3. I am happy with whatever I could accomplish today. Yet: as I had to borrow 200 rupees from Vandana: the loan can’t be paid until I receive the fees from students. If I had known this dire poverty in advance: I might have changed my course somewhere: perhaps easily accepting my collapse and getting admitted into a hospital in Bangalore than getting dependent on these people who did nothing good but to systematically destroy my career in the last eight years. If any money or security was put by them in my early years: it has been annuled by them in the last eight years when I was systematically suppressed and false promises were made to me. I wasn’t let leave(once I came here!) for a place where I had gone to after taking renunciation. My documents were seized and they ensured that I always earn a meagre income to stay indebted. But who could have known all of this in advance? And here I am: drinking ambrosia: someone who never gets ill, someone who is an immortal, my most advanced version. Yet: I don’t have enough money to meet my day-to-day needs. What has this world come to! Whatever happened to the dreams. Opened my eyes to see wretchedness all around me. Hollow people hollow promises. Whatever happened to the dreams. What has this world come to.

4. Walk to stadium was pleasant. Stadium had enough space. I feel relaxed as knee ache is gone.

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Morning Rituals!

1. I just read what I had written six hours ago and though I usually don’t judge myself the last post seems to have been written by a drunk and yet it was ambrosia. The nectar of immortality plus some words.

2. I practiced alternate nostril breathing and bowling in stadium. Fortunately I got some space where some municipal corporation employees were sweeping. Prior to that I had a special juice worth ten rupees. This bitter juice is said to be “death” of 350 uncontrollable diseases. I am death of deaths if Shukadev was right. Go figure!

3. I bowled 71 times. This was after a long time. I only slept for three hours and had a wonderful session in morning : all because I took a break and slept for three hours yesterday noon.

4. News is getting unnecessarily dramatic. As is more. The elections in so many places are timed by electional astrology and yet: those who have the final say: the eye of the eye of the pyramid and its crown : remain unknown to the masses.

5. I should play some vocabulary jams. And donate some rice. No Claire G or PC at this hour : though Stephen might turn up. ( Stephen didn’t. Hang L did. Got second rank in two of them.)

6. Supernatural season 15 finale taught me more about Chuck. Though they create ‘on the go;’ Chuck is definitely demiurge. Not the Godhead. Jack the son of Lucifer is going to get killed. Sam seems to have aged more than Dean. Crowley wasn’t there. The library of death scene was epic. I got acquainted with something called “empty.” Though Supernatural is not perfect : there’s no substitute to it! This finale didn’t have as many special effects but it showed death and black hole to be more powerful than darkness and light. Light who is a demiurge? Mister Singer and Dabb have all the answers.

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That Girl is Claire or Guy!

1. As long as Claire G is there I can only imagine to get the first rank in the night jams. PC spoils my evening jams by being so smart. Their IQs must be 150+.

2. If it’s not PC, Stephen or Claire take the baton and I don’t get the first rank.

3. I need to get the first rank.

4. The fill in the blanks take too much time to read. They should be removed from the constitution of vocabulary.com( Ben Zimmer????)

5. New jams should be created. I can create them to ensure my victory but who will be joining? That’s the main problem. Only hosted by vocabulary.com ones gain any good number of players.

6. Words like kibble nibble at my soul. But the goal is not reached for I have no time to practice them on the usual challenge.

7. I got 434522 ranks if I remember it well. There were at least forty to eighty participants per game. I can sleep in peace for having tried to increase my verbal advantage to cite the annotated bibliography of Jhonson O’Connors Wordsmart Challenge: this is going to make me super-rich someday!

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2G internet speed!

1. At 22:00, tucked in the quilt which I bought in Bangalore, after a nice, memorable walk as streets were almost empty when I was returning, thrillers of vocabulary jams on vocabulary.com as stadium was empty, until the caretaker decided to lock me out, and I went to sit on a bench outside the number two school where I had the most delicious pulav this noon, then I sat outside the number one which I am wont to do listening and lipsyncing to some classic songs.

2. I woke up late after the noon class. I was dreaming a dream which only left vague traces in waking memory: friends, journeys and mysteries.

3. I had snacks which she said were hot but were not. These people are poor. They’re abjectly poor despite a monthly income which exceeds 140 times mine, which is merely my pocket money. I am rich and happy, comparitively. I am not complaining : I am telling you about the quality of life from my viewpoint and it has always been so. My unhappiness was always vicariously felt dread for ignorance of others. My happiness was genuine and mine. Left to myself with a handful of tools which helped mind isolation: I was always happy. I am always happy if people let me be.

4. I scored 3456 ranks on jams. Other than PC, Stephen and Paul have also emerged as winners. I need to practice more to stay in the shape. My bowling has been only five to six overs per day in the last three four days, which means I am not running as much and though it was partially because of elections crowding the stadium and its neighbourhood-it has given my muscles time to recuperate which I being a martinet might not have given. Sometimes martinets become masochists.

5. There are books in the queue. Lori liked my posts and people like her remind me how little I actually read. In my defence: I have to toil hard for pennies. In one of the class I am teaching for five rupees per hour, in another for about ten rupees per hour. It’s only one class which gives me a decent 30 plus rupees per hour. Farmers, labourers and such might complain that they’re not getting to reproduce as many offsprings or not getting as many ganja shots as they need to: I am the one who doesn’t get a good internet connection or enough privacy to watch a movie. No freedom to take leave from work or any decent income job. I am not a slave but my freedom puts so called poor people to shame.

6. Unless I state things clearly: which people want me not to in the name of being primp: I assume responsibility for things which I didn’t create: like living in a strange society: where on one hand I do live below poverty line, OTOH I am not subject to any benefits provided by the government or community because my miserly goblins of parents and relatives would ensure that I am not entitled to any benefits by keeping all my documents and ruining my history. I am the one who took responsibility for being free from slavery. I am free, though not as comfortable as I was just ten years ago.

7. Tenet movie has a version available online which instantaneously produces sleep. I would wait and by then the desire to watch would have died. Neither Nolan’s mistake nor mine. It was the same at the time of Interstellar. I am using a smartphone which was hard earned with a delay of about one year and the internet speed is not better than 2G on most days: though it says it’s 5G. By comparison an average individual in Korea is living in a heaven. This is what it all comes to in the end: countless lifetimes of merits accumulated to give me a birth in a place where I long for a place where I may watch some porn in peace. A good internet connection. How small I really think. Indeed! This is a country of liars. No dreams get fulfilled here!

8. When am I going to get back to reading the constitution of India? Perhaps when it’s time.

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Masonic Pulav!

1. The guy was wearing glasses. His assistant served me. Then he handed me over the plastic spoon. The assistant was slow. I was in awe of the quality of rice: they looked like Basmati grade. The Chhole curry and plastic spoon. It was only ten rupees per plate! I couldn’t believe my good fortune. It was only on rare festive occasions that such rice was made here in this house and it was always a tense affair here. There, you had it all under a tree, looking at the open sky. When I asked him if I would find him there everyday: he replied in affirmative. He has begun to serve kulcha from today onwards. I really trust him when he says:” I am an artist; glad even if I get my investment back.”

2. Phantom’s song: pehle kyun na mile hum…tanha hi kyun chale hum…was ringing in my ears when I had this plate of pulav. I requested for another plate. This was the best meal of the year after the bread soaked in the sweet milk bought from Neelesh Milk Dairy.

3. It took some time before full import of his words was revealed. I realized that he goes to serve in ceremonies or delivers upon orders. It was mostly for festivals and his everyday practice was to keep him in shape.

4. Shri had to take another test. She had classes for about four hours out of five. I observed her real voice for the first time when she was rooting for marks in the test. I knew that it was hidden somewhere. If she had done her homework it wouldn’t have become a test but the process instilled the meaning of words as well as the technique to learn and retain the meaning.

5. KK finally surrendered. This usually happens with young people and in such cases experience proves to be right. I had issued three books for two girls who didn’t turn up either to read book or to submit the security deposit or fees. Unless I had been prompt: the librarian plus other chains of command would have caught me by my collar and hectored me. Now books are with KK who might read them or return them. It’s not violation of any law of the library.

6. Madam secretary put some oil into the lock and it worked. Her practical intelligence is immense in that sense. She can drive tractor, stitch, attend prayer meetings, speak English, Oriya, Bengali and she has clairvoyant powers as well.

7. Sprinklers in the field need study. I read a story by Munshi Premchand. It was titled “Prarabdh.” It was from the collection of 23 stories named “Mansarovar.” The story felt much better than the one I read yesterday. Yesterday’s story was by Tagore. I feel Tagore was a better poet than a storyteller or maybe I have read very little of him. I had his Geetanjali in my college days which I used to show to every visitor. This story by Premchand has its protagonist going through various delirious states and delusions before finally committing suicide. The story was chosen by me at random, like yesterday’s, and yet they both highlighted importance of destiny and inbetween life and death when intelligence becomes subtle and delusions strike.

7. I bowled thirty times. The stadium hardly had ten or twelve people when I reached and I could practice peacefully.

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Amrita Preetam

1. I read–she used to write name of Sahir Ludhiyanvi on the back of her husband. You don’t know if I am appreciating her or her husband or the institution of marriage or romance. No, you don’t. Don’t pretend.

2. She was handsome and won some prizes. I read a novel’s opening by her in library: Yatri. Maybe it’s a collection of stories. She called women as ‘smugglers of existence’ as they smuggle a life in their wombs. The whole context becomes clear only when you read the piece in full. I showed the opening to my student.

3. I commented on a post with similar stuff. The comment made the blogger uncomfortable. She deleted it. I had only given facts written above. Plus : patriarchy being myth : which was shown to me in my walks.

4. I needed to create this short note because it doesn’t feel good to be censored without reason. I needed to keep record of my own words where I may return to if required. Imagine how I felt when they deleted all written with the ID thinkerv0 on Blogger’s World.

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The Nation Needs to No!

1. I had a nice meal after arranging utensils in kitchen and throwing the wet garbage out for pigs. Tucked in the quilt which reminds me of Bangalore and days when I was a middle middle class guy: I need to ask:

2. Should the city, state and country be run by obese leaders like: Ambani, Modi, Trump, Kim Jong Ung and Shi Jinping or it should be handed over to fit people like Milind Soman and Tiger Shroff?

3. I need(not ‘want’) to know: what happened to the fast track hearing of the sexual assault case against Gayatri Pariwar head Dr. Pranav Pandya. I need to know because according to a news published in Dainik Bhaskar: which was more than 3 months ago: it was in the fast track and verdict was to be passed soon. If my jerking off immediately becomes local, national and international news: my asking about the credibility of justice system of India and/or Dainik Bhaskar: a reputed newspaper here, should also make some news as well!

4. I only need one of the two things: if he’s found guilty: let the drama run for a month on national television : like it did for Ram Rahim Insaan and if he’s innocent: since Gayatri Mantra must have cleansed all his sins and made his hair dark : those who accussed him: the kitchen girl and party should be investigated thoroughly and the investigation should take at least as much time and space as Sushant case took.

5. I wonder if Sushant went to the same heaven as Kafka and Dylan went to or some higher heaven. Only philosophical problem is whether to commit suicide. Existentialism frees you up immediately. You need to die only once to realize that you are an immortal and can’t be killed. Then you’re free to dream individually or collectively.

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Team Blue Wins The Jam With a Total of -55 Points!

1. It’s only the second time: the team red scored -685 points. Total number of people who played: 45.

2. I finally emerged as a HUGE leader after scoring like these:

222223431

3. Those second ranks were mostly when that guy PC from Massachusetts was scoring straight A’s. I could have bickered about buses, mopeds and police here in the stadium but I accepted my defeat.

4. Claire took over the reigns for one game before we entered into the negative energy : me emerging as victorious with the leadership of less negative a team and a HUGE advantage over runner up.

5. That was after I had a sandwich. All chat shops are crowded: some tea shops are thriving because of electoral process.

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Rubbish

1. Played only one vocab jam in which I got first rank.

2. KK was issued couple of forms from library. It was after four days since books were already issued to his confidante. Two of them. This had to be kept as a private affair. I kept it until I could. I don’t want to be rebuked by the librarian for something I didn’t do.

3. Just because I went to the field for a few minutes he rebuked me as badly as that goon who was drunk. My fault was my optimistic nature. Now if we are to see : there is a world of difference in rules for Ashrama (prison) inmates and visitors. It should be so. It is so everywhere.

4. Being chide about not having 500 rupees for caution money, taking a loan from office assistant who was genial welcoming me into the premise. The duplicity of the secretary and rest of the staff who did their best to prevent my reading or meditation inside the premise not because I did something underhand but because I might have told people about what went indoors. Once they pasted a notice which prohibited anyone who did any substance abuse. When I asked about the Kaka who was Harijana Sevak Sangh member and a tobacco addict: they immediately removed the pasted note.

5. Young people shouted on me saying:” why do you sit at other’s house? The fact was: there were too many like them and I was actually doing my job.” Who are these people, where do they come from?

6. It’s the same people no matter where you go. All ethics and rules are for you: all luxury and enjoyment is for them just because they do it in a group and use laws as their final shield.

7. I read a story by Rabindranath Tagore: it was titled “Alive and Dead.” It was a third class story. Hackneyed. Cliche. Trite. Rubbish. I didn’t like reading it. He was a Nobel laureate, his song was adapted to be a national song. Still: the story was rubbish.