1. I had a nice meal and am wrapped under a shawl listening to Gayatri Mantra. This is a way to count blessings. When goings get tough, tough gets going means : tough changes with the change. Resilience.
2. Tough is not literally tough but adapting to changes. Yet: an element of Dharma is based on being stubborn bull: Taurine.
3. I gained first merit in only one of the jams. Can’t complain. I played ten of them with as many as fifty to seventy players in some of them, but as usual the ones with hundred players crashed: ” waiting for host to start the jam.” I might create some jams but where are people willing to join? Same thing as on other social media. Hence: I keep going through same jams. I have taught dozens of kids and told them about this website but couldn’t find even four or five to make a team which could play couple of games with me. Similarly : why I ball alone in stadium. Those with bats feel I am rude but if I let them play the ball will soon be lost and then it all comes to buying another for I don’t know the magic of materializing a ball.
4. I gained 1000 likes on this blog. It certainly has something to do with my participation on Blogger’s World. I thank all common members and uncommon members. I reached to the conclusion after trial and error : I needed to be an author here: the people I interacted most with in the last few years on WordPress were living luxuriously while I was begging and living on social welfare. I can’t monetize anything because government and private all offices have become same: they ask countless questions: use document and scanning to spy on you and control but when it comes to give you privacy or peace of mind: which translates as making you employed without slavery, giving you right to be independent in choice of living, letting you travel or open a bank account: there’s no help whatsoever. Moreover: if you don’t make money offline : chances are: you won’t make it online either.
5. The lasting pointers by parting sister-in-law were : why do parents not keep kitchen and store open? They still ring true. One is: the younger sibling always had a problem following laws. If the kitchen is left open all night: everything will be finished. No milk will be left for Mooslee or Shilaajeet. I need warm water and milk to survive winters. But the eight to ten hours long night and rest of the time with rude voices won’t let me have that. Well, the house was built by Shilajeet for Shilaajeet in Shilajeet. So be it. I was never helped to gain a respectable employment but consistently forced to accept things as they are. Sister-in-law also jabbed about my rushing to get food: because it gets finished: the vultures hate you living: and they have as many shades as you can imagine.
6. If I take a loan to buy a gas cylinder and a burner: it means I might continue to take loans for getting the cylinder filled. Ideals are age old. Grandmother, parents should have gone to Sanyasa and Vaanprastha by now but they are busy fucking each other over and over again. Look at the shameless politicians who should have gone to jungles or taken renunciation: all they do is to manipulate the meaning and to suit it to their ends: in the end they are right. For example: Modi should retire at an age of 71 as per BJP manifesto but he would continue like Shahid Afridi who never aged after 14 years until his retirement. I know that Mahakala grace can do that but…
7. How would taking loans to further take loans make me feel happy or richer. I not only paid loans on bike worth 72000 rupees and laptop worth 47000 rupees but also bought a guitar worth 7000 rupees which became a property of this household when I renounced. Then I was again a householder somehow without any right on materials. What a strange world you live in. The caution money was eaten up by sibling and bank account siezed by Shilaajeet.
8. I do hope that sister-in-law doesn’t come back and they get divorce settlement. New sister-in-law will create a new settlement. Either way I am here to merely witness without taking part in anything. I had warned the youngest about his getting humiliated if he goes for a householder’s life. He told me about being beaten by his father and elder brother with shoes when I returned from Dileep’s marriage. I asked him to be courageous and leave this premise: to which I was given a Chakravyooha charlatan treatment. I don’t like to be fucked merely by close relatives: it should be municipal corporation, country, religions and beasts : then it’s the TRUTH. Narayana.
9. I told him this: if it’s WRONG: I am willing to take my words back. His dreams of becoming an officer were not fulfilled. He was insulted regularly. They couldn’t let him go to coaching institutes. He couldn’t muster courage. They needed gutka shaker slave with fake Hindu values. The Panchali they need is going to be a servant of this house like he is. And these snakes merely want to reincarnate again and again in the same clan to guard their rotting treasures. He will be humiliated by his wife all his life for the want of dependency on her family. He has to say Raja, raja, raja, raja, imitating his father over the call countless times: in the end it will be the Raja not him doing the Rani. So let go of Rani. Let go of the handicap. Let go of the Hridesh Khare myth. Let go of the in-laws who will magically make everything right. Best you could do was to take my ideas and concoct them against me. That was the all creativity you could ever display.
10. The previous in-laws waited for the birth of a female child to get their claim on wealth. The new ones would do the same. And since according to Tiwari Ji the andakosha of the person in concern was destroyed during a bike incident it would need another surgery. Like previous in-laws waiting five years for seed for another baby girl. What’s bad with life; ever more- poor quality life where sandwiched between village and town people you long for more porn, more gutka more tambakoo ?
11. We are on the third storey now. We are competing with Tripathis and Sampat. We will show how filthy our minds, stomachs and brains are. We will, we will, get you!!!! Narayan Narayan. I am the biggest among hypocrites: because I started reading newspaper during the lockdown. I wasn’t allowed to sleep during eight years since 2012 in Peace because old lady refuses to die and young man sleeps only during the day: to educate them on current affairs: I began reading newspaper: the result was his vomitting everytime. What a hypocrite and cunning bastard indeed! Grandmother masturbates: that’s the best of Vedic knowledge. Father takes Mooslee and Shilaajeet while two of the children beg for food. Third one uses fake handicap certificate to maintain his job and fight a court case against another bunch of fake Hindu people. This is me versus who? I really don’t know. I am tucked inside a warm blanket listening Gayatri Mantra.
Dancing light of grace 