1. I had a nice meal after arranging utensils in kitchen and throwing the wet garbage out for pigs. Tucked in the quilt which reminds me of Bangalore and days when I was a middle middle class guy: I need to ask:
2. Should the city, state and country be run by obese leaders like: Ambani, Modi, Trump, Kim Jong Ung and Shi Jinping or it should be handed over to fit people like Milind Soman and Tiger Shroff?
3. I need(not ‘want’) to know: what happened to the fast track hearing of the sexual assault case against Gayatri Pariwar head Dr. Pranav Pandya. I need to know because according to a news published in Dainik Bhaskar: which was more than 3 months ago: it was in the fast track and verdict was to be passed soon. If my jerking off immediately becomes local, national and international news: my asking about the credibility of justice system of India and/or Dainik Bhaskar: a reputed newspaper here, should also make some news as well!
4. I only need one of the two things: if he’s found guilty: let the drama run for a month on national television : like it did for Ram Rahim Insaan and if he’s innocent: since Gayatri Mantra must have cleansed all his sins and made his hair dark : those who accussed him: the kitchen girl and party should be investigated thoroughly and the investigation should take at least as much time and space as Sushant case took.
5. I wonder if Sushant went to the same heaven as Kafka and Dylan went to or some higher heaven. Only philosophical problem is whether to commit suicide. Existentialism frees you up immediately. You need to die only once to realize that you are an immortal and can’t be killed. Then you’re free to dream individually or collectively.
1. A burly man in his forties was talking on a red colour phone with a cream colour shirt. He pretended to look at me with authority then kept driving and then came back. He kept talking on the phone instead of letting me watch the heroic acts of Kangana Ranaut who is playing the lady Ravana in the new state sponsored chaotic movie. Politics is dirty and costly but the power shift sometimes makes it more interesting than the cinema. Chouksey ChaCha is back to pavillion but the Chhatarpur edition had decided to suddenly drop him off somewhere in November or December when Noal Harari published his only article for Bhaskar and vanished into the oblivion. I don’t want to be a journalist because it’s dangerous but it’s even more dangerous to uphold Dharma, variety and truth with one banner or another in the name of holy ass hub. Sudama reloaded.
2. The burly man said he had a call. He wanted me to remember a number like Upasana Das did. I refused to write it down on my mobile for I could remember it. Then he showed another number and asked me to help him saying that he was a villager. I helped him when he called a man who had ringtone set to “Ham Saath Saath Hain ” . God is mysterious. He was supposed to pay 4000 rupees in a post office. The mobile was actually worth 17000 rupees. Whereabouts. Nowgong was his place of residence and he had a bike with an UP number plate. He was here visiting his in laws. He offered me a lift to which I politely refused telling him I was walking to keep fit.
3. Later outside the kiosk people were talking about 17000 rupees. Three bikers were talking before: I die in Ataniya first then I die here.
The trilling warbling chorus of slaty colored birds. Well, you do seem interested. Kingfisher sings. The mules walk one after another. Seven of them. The last two nuzzled. The man on bike recognized me. Came back to chat for a minute. The Shepherd was being funny on bike with his wayward cow.
Another teen with yellow light of his bike and a smartphone in his left hand is yawning without license.
Well, what licence do you need to yawn?
To own a smart fawn?
To Donn a bike at the dawn?
None, whatsoever.
It rained last evening. Just a bit. The man from the future was an entertaining watch but nothing extraordinary you have never seen before and fat, ugly actors kept calling themselves beautiful. I hope that’s not Brazilian standard for beauty depicted in a mainstream movie. The movie was made in 2011, a time when many time loop movies were being made. The market for the subject seems to be dry now. Drayfuss omnibus busted stead succubus succulent lentil till entomologist falls ill or gets the gist of twist Ishtar tartar arra Rastafarian aria. Riata realty. It’s the day you hear nation state devotional songs around you which were actually created to make money for mainstream cinema. The edition could be sold anywhere.
2. An auto passes by with a loudspeaker playing a romantic song. Buffaloes. I was ruminating about my September routine for some reason. At one of my places of employment they are preparing sweets and planning for a fast. Whether sweets win or fast goes slow down time rhyme ancient enciente chime. There were more people and vehicles on road this morning. All people who are slaves to death, fear, aging and desires celebrate independence which someone got for them. The song you hear around you is a deity that is angry when a nation state is not satisfied.
3. My partner in crime is always out of sync with me. I go to North and she goes South. The first thing I do when I wake up is check my email.
4. I step out of the house and cawing of crows is the first sound i hear at the cross roads. I come across junkies everyday. It is a Saturday and they say the vehicle of deity of this day is Crow. Crowd. Download. Row. Rowdy dying ying yang gingerly surly curly cues. I go to the river to wash my clothes.
5. And there were no fishes. You know if my 15 year old self was to see me washing clothes like this besides a lake it would be amazed at the creativity of life. For most part of my life I was chasing mirages: things that didn’t exist. I keep shedding delusions like a deciduous tree in autumn. The only one that sticks is true faith.
6. I am. Beyond that, there’s no object of faith. Love sure feels chocolaty and all but it comes with grey hounds and prize tags and very conditions for it are good weather and sound economy with delusional faith in inherent goodness of life whereas all you see is staring rings of ghosts, ghouls and goblins. But at least a Life Locker is silver.
7. I do keep telling myself that this version of mine is wiser than the one that was here yesterday. But the big question about the end remains. If there’s no end: I need a comfortable abode and if none such exists, as told by the experience, there is not much left for me to do, and yet I will keep doing something or the other stating the obvious. So I prefer to be among those who have remembered and not among those who have forgotten.
8. I am looking for a greater source of energy. I travelled in time and I intend to repeat it with calculable and repeatable accuracy. I was thinking about life: you need to pay for everything. Even most minimalistic life style needs plenty of effort unless you were born with a silver spoon, which I was not. To fall from the favorable opportunity and groups you don’t need to do something imprudent: just be honest and truthful or keep your silence and you will be given up by one and all. You need effort to protect your body, your room, your reputation. Further effort is needed to prove you are sane: such as regular small talk with neighborhood friends. The effort required to protect your ownership of your girlfriend, wife or land or the facility leaves very little of humanity in you. Whenever I feel busy and restless because of being busy I remind myself of people around who are pursuing women, wealth, fame or knowledge. I think this is an effort only a few people can afford and maybe that is all the people are capable of. Beginning with an effort to protect your health it’s all an effort to live for the sake of living. Living is its own reward. A biker in shorts brings grass on his bike. Drowsy and unwilling he orders a tea.
The sun is shining brightly. There are no rainbows. The temperature is bearable and equanimity has been restored.
I keep returning to this point only to forget it in pursuit of something greater: something which is sure to provide freedom from death and aging.
Euthanasia has been on my mind for a long time but it does not cover the mainstream media and it remains the source of pain that I cannot do anything to bring it for the discussion. That is why I am writing this. And I hope you read this thread.
And stichting of another pastime pastiche with chestnuts, nutcases, casseroles, les trade, tradecraft, chas te chess on dining table ballroom parking lot.
Happens a long shot. If I am to continue my life here, I have to write a book and submit it to my publisher. I thought so last night wireless trolling or while strolling. What is the matter with the world. The publisher died all of a sudden. Those who are running for their lives can they really provide me with anything other than frustration of never being enough. Sweet side of suicide is that it is never on the rise. Good luck deciphering firing that. Sadness of life sadness of death, sadness of anything.
I am merely translating this report by Vinay Saxena. An entire family died today. The mysterious suicide was supposedly triggered by the death of their daughter who had also committed suicide previously.
I deeply feel that it’s eros versus Thanos in life. There are people who no longer want to live here. Why not let them go happily as many European countries do? Please help raise awareness for euthanasia. I pray for all who have died recently or before.
1. Feelow: was the compound word used by the little girl who used to study in the kindergarten as I was going towards the water tank and found her on my way, other taps all being obstructed by other kids–she took a handful of water in her palms and splashed it on my face saying that strange word because she couldn’t pronounce peelo the Hindi for : go drink.
2. Near the water tank in school there used to be a small pond with lotuses. This was a Roman Catholic Church. I have been to the protestant one as well, which is located in the parish.
3. I have been to Jain temples, Bodhi stupas and Muslim saint’s tomb too but never prayed inside a mosque.
4. Friday is : 61894125: 9. Venus, Mars and Jupiter collectively rule this day. Prime influence being Venus–day has 1 as root number and 10 as sum. Sefer yetzirah. The entire month would be ruled by the number 9 as May is 5 and year 2020 gives 4 and the two add up to 9. The last month was ruled by the number 8. Saturn is the ruler of 8, whereas 9 is ruled by Jupiter.
5. Today is the eighth day of the bright half of lunar calendar. Moon is still in the sign Cancer. People around me are complaining about the heat. I burnt garbage after singing some mantras early in the morning.
6. What does Corona mean to me? Other than the obvious word meaning: it means sacrifice by humanity for mother Earth, its sister Moon and great father Vaishvanara or Mahakaal or supreme personality of Godhead or solar logoi. We need to sacrifice what no longer works for us. Dependency, old habits, looking upto government and mega companies for everything. Some things like this internet or smartphone can’t be made without infrastructure and capital yet to walk peacefully and to live minimally you don’t need much. People still spit on road after chewing betel leaves and illegal liquor is being sold for consumption. India is at least 30 years behind Tokyo and I am really in a hurry to leave but it seems that euthanasia is available only for elites and poor people have to walk long miles for water and food especially as you double whammy us by programming us with two very opposite strains of portraying Graam Swaraj in TV soaps and instill fear and suspicion towards others by spreading the news of a false virus. There is no Corona virus. Awakening of thousands petals of crown as you realise how everything is connected to everything via words, numbers and hidden, subtle as well as intricate network which is almost magical, is unfolding right now for me. Yet I am fighting multiple small battles. I don’t get bored these days but akin to atlas or Sisyphus, like the daily wage earner or labourer, I struggle very hard seeing that people around me are dying and aging very fast and a secret cabal might be holding onto anti aging and time traveling technology which they are not willing to share with others.
Dancing light of grace 