1. It is. 2. It's everywhere. 3. It imparts knowledge. Hence its nature is knowledge. 4. This communion results in freedom from all afflictions. Result is peace and bliss. It's therefore known as bliss. 5. It imparts life and freedom from death, decay and aging : therefore it's an energy. A power. 6. Since there's no other to it. It has no equals. It's not just supreme power. It's the only power without any comparison. All beings derive their existence from it. 7. The absolute abode: it's free from fear, birth, death or suffering.
2. Communion with it causes Dropping away of all doubts and questions.
It's of nature of knowledge as far as mind is concerned.
3. All questions of existential nature arise from a longing to be free from discomfort. To be at ease, at home, completely at rest, in harmony.
Union with it results in a blissful experience which never diminishes.
Other than bliss, nothing can make existential nightmare drop.
It's of nature of bliss.
4. The bliss is ever accruing. It never diminishes. All worldly experiences are limited. Both polarities of happiness and unhappiness alternate after a while. This experience has no opposite. It keeps welling up. It's not even an ocean or mountain of bliss. It's limitless.
Since it never diminishes it must be limitless.
The limited human instrument, by coming in contact with it, becomes divine: capable of going through ineffable bliss of infinite quantity.
5. Absolute revealed itself to be my very own nature. My very own Self. It has no differentiation of one or two, mine or thine. What can it be afraid of and why?
Fear is a sign of limitation. It's limitless.
6. It's free from desiring because it's perfect. It's love. Infinite love is its very core.
7. Anything you desire or do is to be happy. Directly or indirectly. When peace embraces you as everlasting reality: efforts, other than those to ever abide in it, drop.
1. I have begun the third iteration of registering books in library.
2. Took some time to read Vinoba Bhaave’s commentary on Vedas.
3. Last few days have been interesting self discovery.
4. This mystic dance which fills every inch of space within and without is my sole object of study and search now. It’s musical and it’s sweet like nectar. It’s a conscious living presence. In fact: all living presence emanates from it.
5. The mystic dance is the player who does and undoes and yet it’s not a doer. It’s beyond human perception as far as its comprehension is concerned.
6. When it reveals itself as your innermost core of being: it takes away your ego structures. Your belief in your identity is turned upside down. Either thoughts or this takes your attention. The more it takes your attention: thoughts begin to reduce. This reveals itself as a vibrant field which eliminates all unwanted thoughts and ideas.
7. In that sense: even the most holy thoughts are thrown out of your system. Deleted. Forgotten. You can’t comprehend it until it happens. When it happens: you wonder whether it was really you who believed in those things.
8. Identities are make-believe ego structures. We assume certain rolesandresponsibilities and often make them our lives. When touch with pure unfettered consciousness is lost the reality asserts itself and it often seems like great suffering. Then you begin to drop those assumed roles and responsibilities: it’s interpreted as returning towards simplicity. It’s reality of pure being in action.
The setting Sun is shining brightly. Twenty five birds perched on two pairs of wires. White birds are picking their food from field.
It’s a strange peace. I was listening to someone speak. There’s no complaining at this moment.
In the infinite journey these patterns repeat ad infinitum. Some consider knowledge to be objective of living as it leads to better living and others consider it to be joy.
My objectives were all erased and I became an open vessel for all surrounding voices and life. I became one with all life. Then I recreated objectives to live.
1. The sixth page of book titled “Brahmcharya” by Gandhiji offers this solution:
Treat all women as you would treat your sisters, mothers and so on.
This would result in celibacy according to him.
2. The commitment towards just one person binds. Then your love becomes limited.
3. What about those committed?
4. Let them become like brothers and sisters.
5. Then a Godse would come.
6. Same with Adam and Eve. Incest is the root cause of all evil no matter what philosophy you subscribe to. Therefore UG advised “fuck your mother and sex problem will be over forever.” Not my ideas. UG Krishnamurthy.
7. I always asked people about incest. The Maria Mata oath might not be just one such case. “All indians are my brothers and sisters :” I should not marry one of my brothers or sisters then? Even Dilip Jacob married. Then he must have married his sister? Yes. This is where you put the ribcage clonning theory. You marry yourself. Predestination : a thought provoking thriller. I am out of this BS.
8. The only pleasure which people hanker after is taboo and taxed. It’s the way of the world. It’s the churning of the ocean. Only one pool. You sometimes call yourself God and at others you call yourself not-so-godly.
9. My stomach is India’s stomach. My stomach is cosmic stomach why not. Ravana had nectar in his navel. Godse becomes Rama. It’s all fiction and novels anyway.
10. If school oaths can be broken to marry your sisters(openly or secretly) any oaths can be broken: Hippocampus oath? No. Hippocrates oath.
1. It’s a strange world indeed. More strange than i ever imagined it to be.
2. As i strive from romance to romance, job to job, to make ends meet: the angels and demons are playing left hand versus right hand. And if it wasn’t an age of technology: the signals and gestures wouldn’t have worked.
3. You see people who would be using either their left or right hands to talk on phone. Some of them are kabbalists. When you’re fed up of them: simply realize that: whatever you see is truth. Truth realm universe.
4. I bought guavas. Twenty rupees for half kilogram near New Colony. The name is new colony but it’s an old colony.
5. Three of them were worth being partaken as i took a walk inside the school number one field. The third one was bigger than the other two as it had more water. I put the polythene bag in the dustbin and counted 152 steps between two dustbins. I saw a black bull near number two- it was trying to eat plants. I put the guava on railing and it consumed it.
6. I bought another mask. Blue. Worth ten rupees. I also bought milk and bread from Neelesh Milk Dairy.
7. I saw an eldarin known as “Neguwan waale” near Maria Mata. He was walking slowly. Alone. It was after many days since I last saw him near family kirana store on his usual morning round of vegetables distribution.
I removed earplugs to first salute him and then to ask where he was coming from. He told about a heart attack. He had been to district hospital. He told that he got this heart attack in October when Mahalaxmi festival was being celebrated.
I recalled a similar experience i had. Convulsions. Fever. 440 volts. He met me just outside the transformer which has “Ram” written on it. The five pointed star on MMHS church has a red core and white triangles. If it wasn’t Neguwan waale: i would have stopped to observe the symbol a bit.
“I feel a parched throat,” he said.
Then keep drinking plenty of water.
“But where’s water on road?” he said.
“I should get him an auto,” i thought. He was reluctant, his house was still far as two of us walked slowly until Shriram fruits corner. I bought incense sticks worth ten rupees and then we saw an auto. I requested the driver to drop him off near Shiva temple in Shankar nagar.
Chaurasia ji had a heart attack, and Sonu used to talk about his grandfather getting 14 heart attacks. I saluted his father and Vishwakarma ji. This morning i had saluted his eldest son. There was a time when i used to mimic batting style of Sharad, his younger sibling and Sonu used to talk about how he got selected for indian cricket team. Now we know. At that time: I had put the idea before Tinku chacha: he clearly said that Sonu and company were bragging. The mouse I bought from their shop in my days of struggle was finally used as laptop was miraculously revived for my sibling. This year has been a year of miracles. Who would believe that I am playing for team India and speaking with BJP district vice president? Nobody.
8. Yesterday, three of them appeared as I was sitting in library. Kanfata yogis wear rings in ear. One of them kept saying:
” he’s a devotee of Gandhi. We are going to buy Khaadi dress for you.”
The day before I had declared loudly: neither Gandhian nor RSS way was for me and yet they were playing. After calling Damayanti madam i sent them to her.
9. Today a man in posh Khaadi appears. In the end. Actually many appeared before him. Three teachers from school number two: two madams and a sir. Sir used right hand to talk on phone as I was taking the class. Prior to that a man came to buy milk and he was speaking on phone.
( Edit: it’s interpreted as this: i asked her a few days ago if it was required to wear masks inside the premise. She told it wasn’t required. Now: three of them put an example of how people from education department are supposed to wear masks all the time. When i went to put the key on hanger’s cog number 4: she showed me the mask she was wearing I bowled 100 times this morning. Most of them hit the target. )
10. As I was eating sandwich the car with a tag of BJP district vice president is shown. It only has driver inside it. Based on the previous experience with Subhash, Laxman and others: i realize that he was being friendly via kanfata yogis as he sat on the left side of library door and spoke on phone with his left hand. The language is evolving. Will it result in pure body of gnosis and bliss free from fear, death, aging and decay? How can more and more laws really bring about self governance and peace. Hollywood made a movie called “purge” and we cooperated with them in 2020. More children are born than people died. The illuminati plan isn’t working. Yet.
11. Damayanti madam looked happy with educators. Golu bhaiya was back to monitor. Shri assumed she was doing something new that hasn’t happened to me 170000 times before. Saanchi shop had shown me a guava. Autowallah had shown me a blue mask. I dropped the yellow one this time.
12. Three of them outside Tripathi house were happy. I heard Dakshinamurti strotam before leaving the library.
(Mask on her face: she would also begin saying good morning. Would come on time. Do her homework given by me, until they don’t decide to terminate my service.)
13. While talking about my facial white spots: gudda was proud. I asked for a smartphone as I was using a secondhand. Then: it was Rahul’s trimmer. He already had those marks on his face. I had none. It was transmitted to me via trimmer. And yet: just outside Samriddhi medical: Ankit Mishra and his confidante play an elaborate charade about spot. I refused to take his ten rupees.
14. Shri looked at my face and spots and used an expression for Kushtha. Now her face has those marks. White marks. I really don’t know how that happened. She was reluctant to sit with Shailendra. It was proposed by her mother. There were way too many people disturbing in the previous spot we used to study. I was coming after calling clouds from field. Tej’s wife wasn’t present that day. She came running wearing polybags with a strange expression : ” chaliye nahin to Paani khatam ho jaayega.” Then two other girls did it. You know where and where.
15. Tej was crude. He used to drink. Once Mike’s manic depot was working in conjunction with russian mafia : “Tammy the ****girl… whose birthday falls in September and who has thighs on her page. She writes deep…”
Tej moved his left shoe as Mike had written: And the left shoe drops. The Gevurah. Severity. My slipper slipped outside family kirana store as I was taking a left turn.
Tej remarked and it was about Shri. The sweets were being made. It was to insinuate that she was Draupadi and there were five husbands. Tej would know what he meant. I have seen way too many cartoon characters in that place: both male and female. They merely keep doing left and right. None of them reads anything beyond newspapers and Hanuman Chaalisa.
16. I am out of this shit. There are books beyond Ramayana and Mahabharata. I went there for library. It’s a fact. By their attitude : I thought I could meditate in fields. They employed tactics to drive me away until Ramcharan Vidyarthi asked me to catalogue books. Since then so many elections have happened and I have seen so many people coming and leaving. There are four sections and countless stakeholders. What do they really want? Any employment I got since 2017 has merely been to monitor my activity and not really to help me rise above poverty line. This is state of affairs. Meanwhile traps of various types happened. Vidyarthi and Dinesh Mishra ensured I would be beaten by black commando. The day I went to attend a meeting in Dinesh Mishra’s house i saw the girl coming out of bathroom. Well, well. You know how much of it’s coincidence now. Later: charade continued for a while. They all tried me and tested me one by one and finally I realized that they were all together in on it.
17. Mamma was accused of theft and recalled later. Like Kanhaiya in Jagannath Ghaat Gyaan Gudri. It is too much. Perhaps why I was guided to read only sports news in my childhood days. Priyanka maami plus Sarita mausi were laughing about erectile dysfunction in Anurag’s marriage. What the fuck is going on in this world? Nobody is sane anymore.
18. The day Golu bhaiya was sitting with her and took me to Ankit: the moment i saw her i knew what she was made of. The tone in which she said: ” you can even sit in garden and read…” I thought she meant it. Like my ‘deprived of hemoglobin’ Vandana and company. It was the beginning of dying. Ku Klux Klan. I was the only person who spoke truth then. I am the only person who speaks truth now. Not that I lack imagination: I know that in the end we are all going to disappear. Whose imagination is this? Is it Vyas’ imagination or Narayana’s. Winter has come. This has been a long year. Very long indeed.
19. I sat on stairs: I wrote a quote by Herodotus yesterday. Today I was chatting with DLOG and she asked about good quotes. It was magical.
It seemed strange that he recognised me after having not recognised before . Twice. Just outside Satguru stationary and in Shatabdi. I made a boxing gesture that day.
After a brief discussion we parted ways. A flower dropped from a tree in MMHS. Almost where Abhishek Rajput and company had broken a glass window and burnt some fire.
I bowled for a while. Then a boy asked me to bowl elsewhere as it was disturbing him. I chose the place he recommended.
2. Miracle
And lo and behold! There was the cap I thought I would buy. No. It’s a used cap. Nike. Made in Bangladesh. Darbar print. I wanted to buy a cap to don in marriage ceremony of my friend Abhishek. I received an invitation after many years to attend a marriage ceremony and it comes from an oath keeper. A Ph. D. This guy met me after two decades and we shared some memories. Then he talked about another sudden fire and fever in his family.
3. Declaration:
This cap doesn’t belong to me. I just picked it up from ground. Anyone who claims it can have it immediately. No need to buy another. I would drop it as soon as I get a new one.
4. Memories
There was that guy I played Cricket with. I also recalled Vivek who accussed me of chucking as I was too good and bowled him over continuously in stadium. I recalled many other things: how I went to MMHS after getting a two rupee note from a man who was sitting before a woman who was someone’s 27 year old wife. I was only seven. That girl took me to school. It was second hour already. The brother had disappeared. Rekha mam was teaching Mathematics. I got scared of big guys like Amit Shukla and Brijesh Chakraborty: reason? They had been there since kindergarten. And their skin’s color was fair…like English people.
What the **** is going on here?
I had completed the third class in Taparian and I was supposed to get admitted into fourth but they took me into second class based on my vocabulary.
I was building bridges then: unbeknownst to myself. Villages and towns. Then came Cricket. Jumping and frolicking.
I recalled another ragging phase in college. This might be called doctoral ragging. No degrees will be awarded this time around. Well played!
1. Since Piyush went to his village with his mom: I was left with extra couple of hours. I tried playing vocabulary jams but my getting first or second ranks consistently as there were only 12 to 13 players on most of them made me bored.
2. I decided to watch a science fiction movie. I put the phone to charge and got some rest. As I was taking rest I thought about finding my romantic thread and publishing it here. It’s a story which makes me wiser everytime I write it. It’s made of delusions.
3. Now I can say: I created this blog to anonymously continue to publish things which were not related to previous blogs. Soon I gained enough confidence to integrate it with previous blogs.
4. Gaslighting reached to an extent in my life that offline and online was same. People mostly disliked me or they had a very odd way of expressing their fondness : I am infamous. Despite being humble as far as my possessions and income are concerned.
5. Police, shamans, tantrikis and healers know me the most though not in that very order. Secret police is always after me.
6. I can say: Gandhi took at least sixty years of his life to reach a clarity where he could publish about his most private affairs: like sleeping with his grandniece as an experiment for his celibacy (citation Wikipedia) : not that it was liked by his closest staff members. Not that it was really a success but mere admission was an accomplishment in an indian subcontinental setting.
7. I achieved that by the age of 35. And I understand that Gandhi was very popular. I am not as popular. Perhaps I am known only to a fraction of number of people who knew Gandhi : yet I think there was no indian with a greater courage to admit one’s foibles. To clarify: I didn’t sleep with any grandniece or niece or such but I was able to publish online most of my private life without hesitation.
8. I think Buddha’s four noble truths: like the four noble truths in Jainism emphasize on “admission of problem” in the first step. Admission of guilt or shame or confessions is important. The first step to solve a problem is to recognise the problem.
9. Albert Einstein said that he would take 55 minutes to find the problem : its root and then only 5 minutes will be enough to solve it. If an hour is given to solve a problem : which approach is better than it?
10. Confessions; as in Christianity and the first noble truths in Jainism as well as Buddhism are regarding nature of problems: psychoanalysis emerges from it.
11. One fundamental problem is: religion is based on a foundation of there being more life, goodness, light and positivity than negativity. Is that true? That’s upto you to decide. Same with Science.
12. When I was depressed: I kept an online journal on my laptop. There: some hackers caught hold of it and took me to a shaming room merely to make me feel guilty. In the long run they all failed. I came out stronger and healthier. I can say: I did a good thing but: you shouldn’t do it unless you’re hundred percent sure: and you can never be. Jean Jacques Rousseau to Gandhi to Tolstoy there have been countless thinkers who published about their character. It’s putting yourself in the hands of angels and demons. I assumed: since they were hackers they must be wise enough to understand that all religions are make believe dreams. They have their values but not any ultimate value.
13. Now: coming back to the thread of romance as it’s Autumn. I am a bachelor. I never married nor am I planning to get married. Moreover: I never had any sexual intercourse in my life. I produced no offsprings nor do I plan to produce any.
14. I did have some hanky-panky but it was once when I was too young: seven years old: must be angels or demons experimenting on poor kids. Second it was when I was working: I thought an obese girl could become a supermodel by the power of love. I was wrong. I invited much negativity later on and suffered which wasn’t directly related to hanky panky but the parting girl said: “you used me.” I told her:” we both used each other; don’t mislead the narrative.” Which version of narrative remained with her out of our dillydallying is not known to me.
15. It took me ten years to regain my fitness. My family members had left me penniless to imagine of any romance. I could only romance with sweepers, maid servants, grandmothers and like. Romancing essentially means: taking your loved ones to dinner etcetera and then to bed. I couldn’t afford any of that. Romance was dead for me. What remained was: watching porn and chatting with girls or women who were either a scam or bots. That also consumes energy but teaches you faster about Nirvana.
16. Online affairs were later: after my awakening: therefore they merely sounded like “forced creation of narratives by multiple parties.”
17. One peculiar nature of these affairs was their resurgence: despite there being no hope they kept coming back. Love was always there. It was romantic love I was talking about. It became a stronger and stronger yearning towards reality or godhead but it had many affairs.
18. In witness sense: it was Mara’s net. In a positive sense: it was my way out of depression.
19. I kept reading some poets: realizing that I could neither be loyal to any one of them nor I was seeking any commitment. I realized after a while that they were mostly looking for people who might inspire their verses on which they might make money by selling books.
20. I was too cut-off from money making business because I had signed up for spiritual stuff which advocated minimalism. It became too much after a point when I realised that spiritual and material were not that far removed from each other and being too much of a minimalist wasn’t possible with the people I was living with. They didn’t value renunciates.
22. I would marry someone who is: absolutely attractive, absolutely intelligent, absolutely absolute, an equal to me in every aspect but not more than me. Someone who can put all noises, ghosts, hungry people and magicians and goblins to silence forever. Only two of us dedicated to each other without any progenies or world. No deformation, no decay, no death or aging. Unless that’s a given: I need no romance or marriage. Jerking off to Korean, Chinese, Spanish porn is excellent! As long as that’s feasible. I might write an article convincing you about the merits of porn. It’s already exalted in Indian temples and scriptures. Why not admit it clearly. I was contemplating whether to write a long article about my porn history or my romantic failures. I chose the latter.
23. With this current demigod status: marriage is impossible for me. Even a decent romance needs me to be at least as rich as a Bill Gates. That’s also next to impossible. And think about it: to earn wealth to realize that you haven’t conqured aging, decay and diseases like Vallalar or other Jnana Siddhars did: it’s better to seek that completely rather than to search for a romance which is mostly : obese girls trying to sell their novels(or books of poetry) or someone taking pity on you.
24. Online romance: I could hardly believe my eyes when I saw Izza Ifzaal writing verses on my private life. Whether it was a synchronicity or a delusion or dark net or her clairvoyance: it created temporary romance which I couldn’t afford to. Then I found many people writing about me or trying to attract my attention one way or the other. Some clearly admitted that I was an inspiration for their articles. That made me feel important like never before! Things haven’t changed in five years. I am only more aware of traps : booby or otherwise: then Kristina, Shine Ferrer, Devika, Nandita, Sameera, Rishuu, smouldering words: they all seemed to use either my gullible nature or something else to make me believe that there was some romance somewhere. Devika’s case was most strange : not because I merely wanted it to be: Shine Ferrer chatting with me on Facebook talked about her while I was reading Izza Ifzaal and I clearly told her that she was out of my league. But as a mystery worth being searched : I tried my best to investigate and found that she was also looking to make a living off of me like rest of them: like my parents and siblings. She along with Varjak Baby taught me some lessons about being selfish.
25. That sums up honorable mentions online. Offline it was: Swati in college who was a delusion as per my friends. Monika and Richa are happily married and they’re as happily married as Ravneet is. These are real names. I spent considerable time with those two because Saurabh was involved. Saurabh the Vyasa had incarnated to teach me a lesson or two. He’s happily married too.
26. The school life had co-ed but nuns of Christ were too harsh to allow you any romance. Rest of it was covered by my parents. They still take sexual potency pills but ensured that their children had no romance in their lives.
27. There used to be flying planes with notes on them: love notes. That was the extent of romance. Being a nerd helped as long as you performed. In my brief corporate life: the seniors always had more lucrative packages. As told before: the design by archons here is to make more and more healthy males to fight for a handful of girls. Win the trophies. By my reckoning: I see at least two hundred males per single beautiful girl and twenty to twenty five males per mediocre girls.
28. Ranjana had asthma. She worked out in gym and married to a Sikh who worked hard to build his body. They had both settled in USA. I didn’t find her to be attractive. She was from Bengal and Bihar. She was educated and we shared a lot of time with each other as co-workers. She told me that IAS officers in Bihar were willing to marry her. I couldn’t believe my eyes. That’s the kind of society we have made. It’s a pity. Perhaps it was always like this: a make-believe. I am happy that I was saved. I was made a demigod and in time I might gain pure body of gnosis and bliss.
29. If anyone: whose names are given in this article feel offended: let me know in the comments and their names would be removed. If they want to sue me: I am already penniless : merely getting my day-to-day food by teaching tuitions which are hard to come by despite my being a demigod. If you are still interested in taking revenge: let me know when you are going to strike.
Dancing light of grace 