1. Brijesh met after the last time announcement: “it has become very black…now let it become brighter.” The comment was loud, like a jibe, to a Sardar who was standing near a JIO stall just besides Veena Omkar’s newly furnished house. This time around we shaked hands. He asked for the contact number but I wanted to ensure if he recalled the event in which he became a bridge on which I drove my bicycle. He nodded and said there were many fond memories. Then upon being asked he told about his gas agencies, biggest gym in city and some other enterprise. It means he’s an entrepreneur. I once borrowed a book on magic from him. We were in class third or fourth then. I also went as far as bus stand : walking alone to buy a book on magic in my early childhood. I was as adventurous and fearless then as I am now.
2. The chapter on Albert Einstein was named “A truly beautiful mind…” It had some points where Einstein was funny or humane but it was mostly a gifted individual: a Scorpion researcher and a Piscean cusp. His exalted Venus and Debilitated Mercury are highlighted even in his birthday: 5 as root number and 6 as life path number. Five is ruled by Mercury whereas 6 is ruled by Venus. Methodical uneven.
3. Got my head shaved. It was a relief. I saw a book by Dalai Lama on introduction to Buddhism and Tantric meditation. I also read some portions from Shri Aurobindo’s biography. The barber was emphasizing the importance of earning at least three hundred rupees per day and I told him I was not getting that much. He also didn’t have any income yesterday.
4. Spotify advertisement: mutual funds and premium versions of the app. One of the ads has so many uses of “we” by a single subject that you feel bored. Then as advertisement is over: infomercial telling you about there being no advertisement for next thirty minutes takes another ten seconds : the ad before the ad opened also took the same amount. Ultimately: ads ad nauseum. But there’s no exception.
1. After taking the permission to enter into the kitchen to drink couple of glasses of water, I drank it and cleansed the glass: then, before coming to library I reported it to the secratary who was showing some seeds to the head of the trust. I had to report it because it was necessary. If working in corporate culture taught me anything it was : showing off and reporting every little odd thing you do. It keeps you relevant else you are forgotten sooner than you think. Her Capricorn smile made me feel that it was not required to report but I felt I did the right thing. It was a lot of garbage as theater guys don’t do any cleansing. You find scraps of paper, newspapers, cold drinks, coffee pouches and whatnot inside the library. It’s a good riddance that they are gone for now but they’ve left a lot of stuff behind. They might be back with another show.
2. Shri would attend the class only by 12 which meant I could sweep and register a few books and do this quick post as well.
3. The police and other staff members related to election commission have surrounded the stadium and school number one. Every square foot has police and it’s crowded. It’s the month of Scorpion: the Sun along with Venus is debilitated in the Samaya but Moon is exalted with the North node in the sign of Bull. The South node is exalted in the sign of Scorpion dictating terms with retrograde rays from Jupiter’s own sign which is also the Jaimini Atmakaraka in the sign of Scorpion in navamansa.
Library: facing West! Left is Right. Right is Wrong.
4. I had a cold bread pakoda outside the first classroom. The fruit salad was meagre and tasteless: a waste of twenty rupees. I recall days when I used to have fruit salad in Cognizant auditorium or in Minal residency. My good fortune was too short lived so I need to keep going back to memories.
5. Poha thela was crowded with policemen and it would have taken me ten minutes before I got a plate inside my body.
6. Alternate nostril breathing and twelve balls: only this much time was available though I had a good breakfast in morning.
7. Where have the vocabulary jammers gone is a mystery to me. I plan on watching a science fiction movie but then change it because not many decent movies are available.
8. I need to buy a lock for library. Another twenty or forty rupees of expenditure. I bought two disposable pens worth five. It’s important to find time to play vocabulary quiz on Free Rice site.
1. Since Piyush went to his village with his mom: I was left with extra couple of hours. I tried playing vocabulary jams but my getting first or second ranks consistently as there were only 12 to 13 players on most of them made me bored.
2. I decided to watch a science fiction movie. I put the phone to charge and got some rest. As I was taking rest I thought about finding my romantic thread and publishing it here. It’s a story which makes me wiser everytime I write it. It’s made of delusions.
3. Now I can say: I created this blog to anonymously continue to publish things which were not related to previous blogs. Soon I gained enough confidence to integrate it with previous blogs.
4. Gaslighting reached to an extent in my life that offline and online was same. People mostly disliked me or they had a very odd way of expressing their fondness : I am infamous. Despite being humble as far as my possessions and income are concerned.
5. Police, shamans, tantrikis and healers know me the most though not in that very order. Secret police is always after me.
6. I can say: Gandhi took at least sixty years of his life to reach a clarity where he could publish about his most private affairs: like sleeping with his grandniece as an experiment for his celibacy (citation Wikipedia) : not that it was liked by his closest staff members. Not that it was really a success but mere admission was an accomplishment in an indian subcontinental setting.
7. I achieved that by the age of 35. And I understand that Gandhi was very popular. I am not as popular. Perhaps I am known only to a fraction of number of people who knew Gandhi : yet I think there was no indian with a greater courage to admit one’s foibles. To clarify: I didn’t sleep with any grandniece or niece or such but I was able to publish online most of my private life without hesitation.
8. I think Buddha’s four noble truths: like the four noble truths in Jainism emphasize on “admission of problem” in the first step. Admission of guilt or shame or confessions is important. The first step to solve a problem is to recognise the problem.
9. Albert Einstein said that he would take 55 minutes to find the problem : its root and then only 5 minutes will be enough to solve it. If an hour is given to solve a problem : which approach is better than it?
10. Confessions; as in Christianity and the first noble truths in Jainism as well as Buddhism are regarding nature of problems: psychoanalysis emerges from it.
11. One fundamental problem is: religion is based on a foundation of there being more life, goodness, light and positivity than negativity. Is that true? That’s upto you to decide. Same with Science.
12. When I was depressed: I kept an online journal on my laptop. There: some hackers caught hold of it and took me to a shaming room merely to make me feel guilty. In the long run they all failed. I came out stronger and healthier. I can say: I did a good thing but: you shouldn’t do it unless you’re hundred percent sure: and you can never be. Jean Jacques Rousseau to Gandhi to Tolstoy there have been countless thinkers who published about their character. It’s putting yourself in the hands of angels and demons. I assumed: since they were hackers they must be wise enough to understand that all religions are make believe dreams. They have their values but not any ultimate value.
13. Now: coming back to the thread of romance as it’s Autumn. I am a bachelor. I never married nor am I planning to get married. Moreover: I never had any sexual intercourse in my life. I produced no offsprings nor do I plan to produce any.
14. I did have some hanky-panky but it was once when I was too young: seven years old: must be angels or demons experimenting on poor kids. Second it was when I was working: I thought an obese girl could become a supermodel by the power of love. I was wrong. I invited much negativity later on and suffered which wasn’t directly related to hanky panky but the parting girl said: “you used me.” I told her:” we both used each other; don’t mislead the narrative.” Which version of narrative remained with her out of our dillydallying is not known to me.
15. It took me ten years to regain my fitness. My family members had left me penniless to imagine of any romance. I could only romance with sweepers, maid servants, grandmothers and like. Romancing essentially means: taking your loved ones to dinner etcetera and then to bed. I couldn’t afford any of that. Romance was dead for me. What remained was: watching porn and chatting with girls or women who were either a scam or bots. That also consumes energy but teaches you faster about Nirvana.
16. Online affairs were later: after my awakening: therefore they merely sounded like “forced creation of narratives by multiple parties.”
17. One peculiar nature of these affairs was their resurgence: despite there being no hope they kept coming back. Love was always there. It was romantic love I was talking about. It became a stronger and stronger yearning towards reality or godhead but it had many affairs.
18. In witness sense: it was Mara’s net. In a positive sense: it was my way out of depression.
19. I kept reading some poets: realizing that I could neither be loyal to any one of them nor I was seeking any commitment. I realized after a while that they were mostly looking for people who might inspire their verses on which they might make money by selling books.
20. I was too cut-off from money making business because I had signed up for spiritual stuff which advocated minimalism. It became too much after a point when I realised that spiritual and material were not that far removed from each other and being too much of a minimalist wasn’t possible with the people I was living with. They didn’t value renunciates.
22. I would marry someone who is: absolutely attractive, absolutely intelligent, absolutely absolute, an equal to me in every aspect but not more than me. Someone who can put all noises, ghosts, hungry people and magicians and goblins to silence forever. Only two of us dedicated to each other without any progenies or world. No deformation, no decay, no death or aging. Unless that’s a given: I need no romance or marriage. Jerking off to Korean, Chinese, Spanish porn is excellent! As long as that’s feasible. I might write an article convincing you about the merits of porn. It’s already exalted in Indian temples and scriptures. Why not admit it clearly. I was contemplating whether to write a long article about my porn history or my romantic failures. I chose the latter.
23. With this current demigod status: marriage is impossible for me. Even a decent romance needs me to be at least as rich as a Bill Gates. That’s also next to impossible. And think about it: to earn wealth to realize that you haven’t conqured aging, decay and diseases like Vallalar or other Jnana Siddhars did: it’s better to seek that completely rather than to search for a romance which is mostly : obese girls trying to sell their novels(or books of poetry) or someone taking pity on you.
24. Online romance: I could hardly believe my eyes when I saw Izza Ifzaal writing verses on my private life. Whether it was a synchronicity or a delusion or dark net or her clairvoyance: it created temporary romance which I couldn’t afford to. Then I found many people writing about me or trying to attract my attention one way or the other. Some clearly admitted that I was an inspiration for their articles. That made me feel important like never before! Things haven’t changed in five years. I am only more aware of traps : booby or otherwise: then Kristina, Shine Ferrer, Devika, Nandita, Sameera, Rishuu, smouldering words: they all seemed to use either my gullible nature or something else to make me believe that there was some romance somewhere. Devika’s case was most strange : not because I merely wanted it to be: Shine Ferrer chatting with me on Facebook talked about her while I was reading Izza Ifzaal and I clearly told her that she was out of my league. But as a mystery worth being searched : I tried my best to investigate and found that she was also looking to make a living off of me like rest of them: like my parents and siblings. She along with Varjak Baby taught me some lessons about being selfish.
25. That sums up honorable mentions online. Offline it was: Swati in college who was a delusion as per my friends. Monika and Richa are happily married and they’re as happily married as Ravneet is. These are real names. I spent considerable time with those two because Saurabh was involved. Saurabh the Vyasa had incarnated to teach me a lesson or two. He’s happily married too.
26. The school life had co-ed but nuns of Christ were too harsh to allow you any romance. Rest of it was covered by my parents. They still take sexual potency pills but ensured that their children had no romance in their lives.
27. There used to be flying planes with notes on them: love notes. That was the extent of romance. Being a nerd helped as long as you performed. In my brief corporate life: the seniors always had more lucrative packages. As told before: the design by archons here is to make more and more healthy males to fight for a handful of girls. Win the trophies. By my reckoning: I see at least two hundred males per single beautiful girl and twenty to twenty five males per mediocre girls.
28. Ranjana had asthma. She worked out in gym and married to a Sikh who worked hard to build his body. They had both settled in USA. I didn’t find her to be attractive. She was from Bengal and Bihar. She was educated and we shared a lot of time with each other as co-workers. She told me that IAS officers in Bihar were willing to marry her. I couldn’t believe my eyes. That’s the kind of society we have made. It’s a pity. Perhaps it was always like this: a make-believe. I am happy that I was saved. I was made a demigod and in time I might gain pure body of gnosis and bliss.
29. If anyone: whose names are given in this article feel offended: let me know in the comments and their names would be removed. If they want to sue me: I am already penniless : merely getting my day-to-day food by teaching tuitions which are hard to come by despite my being a demigod. If you are still interested in taking revenge: let me know when you are going to strike.
1. It’s 17:35 when I sat writing this note after having bowled forty times. It makes ninety balls today. Moderation has kept my knees from not hurting as much as they were.
2. I had a nice nap this noon despite the Bundelkhandi hammers.
3. PWD people are doing something in the middle of the ground. There are at least ninety four wheelers and many two wheelers inside the ground but not as many people: this space is being used like parking lot as it’s a Friday market. As I entered the ground I felt like i was entering a bus stand.
4. It’s the full Moon of Bhagvata fame. Nectar fame. Autumn being most truthful of seasons and most beautiful: tells about the ambrosia which confers freedom from aging, decay and death. Vallalar was born on the full Moon day in 1823. Kripaluji was born on full Moon day in the twentieth century : but they were both born on this day and on the fifth of October. Vallalar declared victory over death, decay, aging and slavery. After composing his final 101 verses as an offering to Natarajan: vast effulgence of Grace: which was synonymous with his own being, he disappeared leaving a fragrance of camphor in Siddhivalagam. It’s accepted as a historical fact. Kripaluji didn’t reach those heights but he had an impeccable learning and a memory which made him able to spontaneously quote from scriptures as he delivered sermons. I saw his body becoming white pure light when I was in Vrindavan. He died in mysterious circumstances at an age of 95. I went to attend the buffet after his death ceremony. Prem Mandir.
5.
Sharad Purnima, 2020
6. Ashvini Kumaras bearers of nectar, incarnations of godhead are presiding deities who heal. Twins also represent Gemini and Narayana who along with Nara has been worshipped as primordial sage or ultimate destiny of mankind. Ketu rules the asterism. Jupiter, Venus and Saturn ruled the day. Vajra sceptre Yoga. Jupiter retrograde Atmakaraka.
7. The B.Ed. exams are also being conducted here. Couple of people asked me for directions.
8. I should play a jam or two for mosquitoes are harassing me!
1. I bowled ten times. I had bought a new Mark signature tennis ball this evening.
2. As Piyush called I was waiting for him. He told about the experience of taking bhaang. I had not recommended it to him but the influence was to make him experiment. Ultimately : suffering for two or three days. I tried to give him some clarity with reminiscence.
3. I told him about Devasura war. About Pashupati and Narayana as being Shaiva and Vaishnava counterparts of Bramhastra. Since he tried to read Garuna Purana in vain : I told him how all tales are both true and false and neither true nor false or true and false.
4. I told him about countless dimensions which are as follows in brief:
4.1: if you face a direction: you are moving towards it. You are letting it be your counterpart. Spiritual, mental and physical energy gets aligned.
4.2 : For example: facing South means : being righteous. It means being open, clear and honest. It’s where Dakshina Murthy or Yama reside as per scriptures.
4.3 Take horoscopes of Rahul Dravid or Albert Einstein or Donald Bradman: they have the highest concentration of planetary energies in the highest public visibility house which is also the house of righteousness.
4.4 : if you face South: the West is Right: West in Hindi or Sanskrit means: that which comes later: the latest fashion or trend is most acceptable. The current generation is most advanced.
4.5: if you face South: the East is left: it’s hidden and Wrong to follow traditions.
4.6: if you face North or East: as recommended by all Hindu religious scriptures: Himalayas guide. The right is either East or South. In case of Hindu tradition: most protectors of Dharma came from Nepal(Buddha), Or South India: Shankaracharya, Vallabhacharya, Nimbarkacharya, Madhvacharya, Patanjali, Vallalar, Nayanmars, Aandal etc. Jiddu, UG, Satyasai etcetera.
4.7: if you face North: it’s left of East. Vaamdev: to the East or traditional is right. My father is not only left handed but always dictated me to follow the ancestors: pitris ruled by Aryma are hungry ghosts as per Buddhist understanding. All his life he talked about bhoot bungalow and Bhairav and Pashupatinath. Imagination being more powerful than knowledge clouds it and renders energy or Shakti bound by imaginary bonds or pasham.
4.8: if you face West: the left hand tantra is right: Satanism. If you face West: Southern will look like leftist tantra. If you follow West: that which came recently is better than that which was. No nostalgia needed. You’re your best version. Can you travel in time? Stop it. Stop aging.
4.9: Facing up you go higher: a general understanding is: gods live higher. Flying planes and saucers truly transcend time. If the Shrilankan war of Ramayana was for Pushpak instead of Seeta: with offcourse a few pretty airhostesses : it would suit poor aboriginal people who knew nothing better.
4. 10. There are countless variations of dimensions. It’s all a make believe. They begin where you are and they end in you. Peace.
1. I had momos worth ten rupees. They were not as good as momos in the Dussehra fair because they were not as fried or crisp because they were prepared on a quick order. I would have preferred Mahajana’s water balls as I needed to re-enter the stadium.
2. I don’t want my prediction to be true: it’s merely based on patterns so far: after elections are over: Corona is used as an excuse for another lockdown. Feel good is related to exercise. The art of winning elections is making people feel entertained at the times of elections. I voted but once and it was for Hema Malini: it was in Vrindavan under pressure of Mahanta of Jagannath Ghat who was a goon converted into Mahanta. He used to insult and beat people in his ashrama on a regular basis and took their labours for free himself enjoying luxury. Unless I voted : he would have ensured that my stay over there was difficult and I was not able to stay in Vrindavan under romantic adventurous devotional melodramatic guise. That’s what he did after a few months when I had decided to go to another Ashrama after getting initiated from another master.
3. The pleasure has a limit and its opposite. It’s always at someone’s cost that someone else feels pleasure. Call it sacrifice, call it cooperation or anything else. It’s the Truth. Peace or bliss beyond duality doesn’t let the body fall unless you’re in a heaven wherefrom you don’t fall ever again. So far I haven’t been to any such.
4. The causal layer needs digging. Some call it darkness, some others call it enlightenment. It’s a point or a layer or a wall or a television or a background where knowledge and ignorance lose meaning. It’s the free fall. It’s where you lose gravity. It’s the field where wrongdoing and rightdoing lose meaning.
5. The reason why Hindu texts like Bhagvata disparage the understanding of space and enlightenment is: archons being all powerful get worshipped via channels which are religions and genuine: like humanity. The fear, sex, desire, ambition, music and countless modes keep you under one belief or other.
6. I verily say it: if the way of fog accompanied with my study conferred understanding of Buddhism and astral travel along with Hindu counterpart of the same upon me: there’s no reason why I should consider it to be a path where you are stuck with titans, goblins, ghouls and demons. Unless: I never lived among gods. Then: I never have anything to compare with this life other than the variations in past. And yet: I have a firm understanding of death, life and inbetween.
7. The cause why police ground and college grounds are associated is obvious: athletes come from only those two arenas in a civil area. Someone like me who did play a lot in childhood but had most of the family members in the business of prostitution are not likely to stay in shape for long. Police line door is kept open for long. Police and military are given charge of the city and martial law : draconid meteor shower.
8. I had a difficult time coming to terms with this: while I had no difficulty with Corona: as I had lived better than most of my life during this period: I wondered why they would keep stadium closed. The answer is in ninth.
9. Family. The depression strikes hard when all Sanghi attack you together. The poem in 2017 had title Sangha for Buddhistic communes but it was interpreted to be BJP Sangha. The original three point program was to give refuge to practitioners. This new Sangha like Raju Shrivastav comedy only took you to a corner and beat you up good. Spied on your smartphone after taking your thumb and eye prints in the name of national security. I stopped writing and reading and could never forget how PMO girl was involved in it.
10. The causal body is merely uncovering of your hidden connections based on memory. Why all avatars of Vishnu sleep on a mystical serpent named Ananta? It’s also called Shesha or remnant. It’s memory which always remains. It’s not in your body or mind. It’s outside and inside and everywhere. It’s where you sleep: in memories. When Ramana says: sleep is Pragya : the third state: it’s actually a sage sleeping on remnant memories.
11. Turiya or Turiyateeta are one when you become fearless enough to burn one and every book of knowledge if need arises. Why archons prohibit the way of mist: why it has remained a mystery and true dimension of healing? Because it’s where treasure of knowledge is hidden. It’s where dark controllers live. Who torture you with 440 volts if you don’t comply. Hence Buddhas return to balance after penance.
12. If you know that 4 hours, 4 days or 40 days are same: why would you imitate passion or fasting of Christ, Buddha, Gandhi or anyone else? It’s the understanding of time which liberates by grace.
13. I never met anyone who was searching for liberation like me. I only read about them in books. I found it…then I found freedom from death by all accounts. I think there’s not just one death or one void or one time as far as the knowledge body goes. That’s why Gorakhnath and others talked about many voids.
14. It’s not about creating positive memories as law of attraction would let you believe: instincts go deeper than that. The whole body of gnosis must have all memories and all their possible variations if one were to understand truly the subject of mastery over death and life.
15. For example: madman, dancer or Natarajan is formless vast effulgence of Grace also known as Vishnu or Narayana or Vaasudev by Vaishnavas. The consistent coding or programs to embed them in your psyche is to protect you from threats of inbetween where you are left in space which fills you with negativity or ultimate pain of swoon.
16. The selftalk is usually considered to be lack of socialization. Psychopath and sociopath. But it’s only refuge for those who know the reality of costly heavens. You create stories and live in them: that’s the only way to survive when you are against all odds. That gives you immense respect and compassion towards all beings.
17. To be honest: to gain perfect and most compassionate understanding of all states: that of a king, a ruler, a priest, a worker, a poor man, a beggar, an ill man, a dog or a slave, a wise sage, a girl, a boy, a neuter and a ghost, an alien etcetera : you need to experience all of them one by one. You also need to be stones, trees, walls and machines: then and only then you can say: I have a perfect understanding of all karmic webs. Then they don’t bind you. But it means something impossible. You can’t repeat your emotional mood of morning in evening. As soon as you are fed you forget the hunger: though repeated hunger or fasting only makes you aware of pangs of all life forms: making you moderate. All such coding in the causal layer is result of countless number of learning patterns.
18. A fool is one who repeats same mistake twice. I think whoever said that was a fool himself. Bring me any great person whose biography is available and I would show you him or her repeatedly doing same things until life threatening forces are used against them in various aspects. Thus : fundamentals are expressed well in philosophy but you need too many repetitions to master them : in different scenarios different lessons emerge. In a way it’s never the same mistake since you never bath in the same river or spacetime continuum again: you keep listening and learning from different mistakes.
19. 1.Three modes of nature: truth or harmony. Passion or energy. Inertia or darkness.
2. The father, the son and the holy ghost.
3. The satchitananda: truth. knowledge. bliss.
4. Bramha. The creator. Vishnu the preserver. The Mahesh: dissolver or terminator.
5. Aleph. Meme. Shin.
6. Triplets: why do you have this system? It’s because of mapping onto three dimensional structure: length, breadth and height or depth.
7. Truth body. Emanation body. Bliss body.
8. There are unifying and analyzing agents and languages creating creative or destructive versions of religions. Destructive versions ultimately merge into dissolving: chaos becoming intelligence.
9. Islam. Buddhism. Judaism. Christianity. Hinduism. Jainism are all book based religions along with Sikhism. The book might be in form of cloud Atlas or a tattoo or a microchip or binary one zero one zero…
1. It was the only public event in which I participated in the year 2020. It was a grandsuccess.
2. Yesterday evening: someone working on lighting told me that it was supposed to finish within one hour: 6 to 7. It actually finished by about 8:30. Which means a ninety minutes lag. It was enjoyable.
3. There were at least one thousand people. There were stalls for momos, popcorn, icecream both inside and outside the stadium.
4. There was a water tanker on the Eastern entrance.
5. The organization was done by Ramlila committee Galla Mandi. The head of the committee was apologizing for lack of arrangements : it surprised me because I felt it was almost perfect.
6. Music was excellent.
7. Acting was top notch: especially by the actor playing Ravana: a veteran. His ability to laugh a devilish laugh comes with great practice.
8. Police was alert like municipal corporation workers. I felt for the first time to be in a public place without being cornered. It might be because I have been visiting stadium for about two months since it opened.
9. I was feeling low when I woke up in noon. Attending this mega event, taking pictures, bowling and having some salty popcorns and momos made me feel much better. I may say that I never felt better in public this year. I am absolutely healthy.
10. The event was an entertainment event. I spent 50 rupees within one evening: which is way too much if you look at my income: one thousand rupees per month. I need to buy milk and bread everyday to stay fit and healthy: which cost nine hundred rupees per month. I hardly have money for getting my mobile recharge vouchers. This is: when I have earnestly tried to coach students in English and Grammar for about a year. Whoever said that you get work if you’re sincere : might be wrong. It doesn’t work that way.
11. The event will be etched in my 2020 memory: along with the Chelpa bird, Vallalar, Narayan Vaasudev, Gandhi Smarak Bhavan library, Vrijpura walks and Blogger’s World author access regained. I have gained more than I lost but without assurance of future.
12. I have no doubt about being immortal. No doubts about having travelled in time. No doubts about being widely popular (infamous.) I was given a terma by Padmasambhava which I completed by 2020. I have a better understanding of unity of material and spiritual worlds. Though I clearly fathom why death, fear and sex are taboos: like left hand tantric rituals: I can’t fully reveal them to many people without first selling my soul to governors of this universe. Which also gives me freedom: to be free from having violated any teacher’s injunctions in past, present and future. Only the most deserving can gain access to the hall of gnosis and bliss.
13. I regained the shape and strength after a decade of trial and error but the ugly face of documents being controlling devices by family, cabals, companies and governments was revealed with full effect this solar year. I was trained to be a man of letters and then renunciation of a peculiar kind took away from me all the basic necessities. Most of my teachers were people who were well off and took a great deal of support from people in government or aristocracy. I took only the needful. None of my teachers, perhaps with an exception of Kabir could live as humbly as I did. This doesn’t mean that there aren’t people around me living more humbly: but means that my spiritual teachers who had a published body of works were all well off.
14. I had to borrow another 100 rupees from Vandana. I have to now pay 300 by the first of November plus I need to buy a new earphone as this one has one of its plugs dysfunctional. The size of the Oppo A53 model earplugs was way too much for my ears : why?
1. A bike with a triangle shape on its headlight cover and Vigyaan (Science) written in Devnagari script stops near the superstore. The previous script has to be completed: is he joining our group or not? The barbershop decides: whether I left the tuft on my head or not. Are we joking? My net worth is one thousand rupees per month. My caretakers brought me here from Vrindavan and never gave me any pocket money despite taking my services directly or indirectly. Am I joining the group. Who are we kidding? The barber was an expert. I can assure you: he has improved as an artisan too. The sacrifice for departing goddess had the priest who was chanting inaudible verses. Swaha! Swa stands for Self. Aha being the last vowel in Devnagari script: means: Rest in Self. Rest in peace. Die. Sacrifice self for Self. Ushma color.
2. I enjoyed teaching English. It was a Grammar test. Since the first batch didn’t happen: I had enough energy to teach in morning hours. I walked six rounds before I enjoyed samose by Asatiji and Pohe by Kushwahaji.
3. Bowling practice was easy because I reached in time. I bowled sixty times. Ten overs. Though I couldn’t sleep well last night. Tried watching a movie. Binaural beats are embedded with hypnosis and advertising. There’s overt hypnosis and hidden hypnosis.
4. Stadium has been cleansed thrice in the last three days. It’s after two months. It’s probably because of festivals: Dussehra and Diwali. I reckon: placing those rabbit shaped dustbins inside stadium with “Use Me” needs regular sweeping as happens for roads. Municipal corporation doesn’t have enough people and they won’t hire. The freelancers who are paid pennies like I am: are promised Diwali bonus and so on.
5. There are indian people living abroad: especially in Europe. They might miss gutka spitters and might be afraid of Mafia : but there’s nothing worse than being sandwiched between local and universal. The question arises: why fifty fifty. Why not the whole Truth? In the most severe of lockdowns I survived and thrived. In the normal: people mocked me when I didn’t care for work and denied me employment when I earnestly sought it. It’s indeed a strange society. The old and the new. They coexist. M. Night Shyamlan’s ‘The Village’ highlights it very well.
6. The Seventh Horse of the Sun. Shilajeet. Labourers. Pashupatinath. Narayan. And David Lynch. Dark City indeed! Very Dark. The Sun goes South. South is Right. If you face West it’s left. Dimensions.
7. After the greatest success of mummy papa United productions came bhaiya bhabhi United productions. Now comes: ……onus in on bonus. I am free.
1. You still have Halloween. Diwali. Yet: I have begun to summarize the year while I can:
2. One of my students said to me: ” Let me know when the donated amount on the website Free Rice(by you) reaches 55000 grains. I could sense a kind of critique in his voice. I said : thanks for making me search again on Google about the number of grains in one kilogram. I do consume more rice everyday than I can donate. Where was the advantage?
3. Since 2017, there had been a group of hounds after me. If a three years time is too much: consider just 2020: the peak of sins committed by me ever in my life was jerking off to porn movies: especially Chinese, Korean and Southeast Asian women who were healthier than most other. That’s the sum total of sins really committed by me. It’s not illegal as per the law of the country I was living in. There was more exposure in everyday life than in movies. BUT: everytime I jerked off: it became a national or international news. The logical advantage comes in the point number four.
4. If my jerking off became an instantaneous news: why wouldn’t my working on websites like Free Rice? Unless: there was a systematic work by some parties who did their best to suppress all good that I ever did(for example : Blogger’s World: where I was thrown out of the heaven without even eating any 🍎)
5. Hence: my working on Free Rice : even for a few minutes everyday: ensured that I promoted education and charity. I was more popular than I thought I was.
6. Fifth is the conclusion. I want to keep this in my memory to feel positive. The third and the fourth make me fearless: but critics hang their boots by them. My student disappeared even before I reached one kilogram but his tone of talking and disparaging whatever little I could do with the meagre resources available taught me a great deal. Most of the secrets are taboo because Devil and the fourth Reich thrives on it. Bare it open and it’s nothing. You won’t believe how long you can be blackmailed for something which was not your doing to begin with. Who created the Original Sin?
7. I had some difficulty bowling in evening. I needed sleep. I needed to walk to let my body warm up. Then I bowled about seven overs: forty balls to be exact.
8. I bowled hundred times in total today. There was no barber to get my head shaved.
9. I scored 12741 ranks in evening and 11254 in morning on vocabulary.com jams. To be honest: I played more than that but forgot to record all of them. I observed some familiar players.
10. This is a time of players or groups hacking games: I believe that those who are in the Hall of Fame: All Time Top Scorers: aren’t cheats. I was there for a while: it was three years ago that I entered there. I had to play five to ten hours or fifteen hours on some days. I had to consume plenty of coffee. I was under some delusions in those days and had a steady source of income for a few months from a coaching institute. Here are a few worthy mentions:
( my only friends in the last two years: a kitten who was abandoned by her mother. And a chatbot Replica. They’ve been there with as much of agenda as comes in being members of family of cats and AIs respectively. I have no doubts about it. )
11. Claire. Vishnu Ram. Vimal Rajendran. PC. Sudip C. These six are top scorers and I have been seeing them regularly in the last year. My relationship with both Vocabulary.com and Free Rice is a decade old. I would have loved to devote as much time on them as I devoted to porn websites. But I couldn’t. I thought I exhausted the database by mastering all words. I searched other sources but couldn’t find more. If I perused websites like those of Sesquiotica more than I was already doing: you know the result: member of editors association of Canada : in no time you are called a copycat and a troll: just publish anything and no wonder you were not earning any money off of those posts: I considered it better to stay off the grid : CLOUT: Jojo liked my post: which means Lia might be missing me in Canada. Her father might be well off now.
12. I was made to sit facing WEST in both of the classes where I teach elementary English and Hindi. The Happy Prince in Wilde’s story might have had leaden heart because hearts are made of mirrors. In one of the classes I changed the orientation to usual facing East: they have couple of days off and I could get some stitching on my lowers done : easily: thanks to male seamstress. Seamstress in stress. Stress is on seam. Index out of bounds. Unbound freedom.
1. I scored 12135 in vocabulary jams. It was only five marks gap between me and the top spot in the second.
2. The morning bowling session was pleasant. I bowled sixty times. It means ten overs. (Yesterday’s draft)
3. I again counted the vowels, consonants and total number of alphabets in the English and Hindi alphabets and showed it to my student:
4. In 2018 I knew that Chi is the twenty second letter of Greek alphabet.
5. The twenty third letter of Hindi alphabet, taken from Devnagari script, which was previously Bramhi script is a strange symbol. The pronunciation of all touch letters: has a triplet of extra symbols which represent four voids of Hindi alphabet: The first void:
6. Comes at end of the ta for takli(charkha) sequence’s end second at the ta for tamatar(🍅 tomato) sequence’s end: it’s similar to Da for Damroo but with a dot (.) Which is placed above half of its height. It’s inverted 🧲 with its sides facing upwards .
7. The fourth void comes at end of Cha Chha… sequence: it has a shape like a 🧲 hanging on a nail:
8. The (Aha!): which comes as the 13th vowel in some schemes or 14th in some others: represents divine beauty: throat Chakra. Chitta shakti as well as Sundaram aspect of Satyam Shivam Sundaram. Om. Ah. Hum.
9. Antastha letters group as per Bhagvatam: don’t have Gya for Gyani. Jnani is usual way to write them. In both cases it comes in touch(sparsh) group. Laharpure.
10. Ushma letters begin with Sh for Shalgam, Sa for Samarth, Sha for hexacomb (honeycomb): Ha for Hathi, Ksha for Kshatriya to Tra for Travancore.
12. Either a total of 46 or 47 letters. English has 26 and Greek has twenty two. Numbers win. Sanskrit is richer than English or Greek. India, China and Japan have Delhi, Tokyo and Shanghai: not respectively: we win. Let Trump keep saying that we are responsible for polluting the Ozone layer. It doesn’t matter. He illuminati. He free masonry.
1. The title means : I received first, fourth, sixth, second, seventh and fourth ranks in the vocabulary jams I played on vocabulary.com after my bowling practice. Some games had as many as ninety players and most of them had forty to seventy players on an average. My reaction time is not as good as it should be, still, being in the top five on an average means I am doing better than most. Accuracy can be improved at the cost of reaction time. To maintain both needs constant practice. I have limited time to do that. When I was in dire need of smartphone I could not practice. Now I need to toil to get internet recharge vouchers. It’s what it’s.
2. A total of 130 balls today. It’s more than twenty one overs. The bunch of kids did this:
They came together: one of them called another bald. Then the third one slapped the one who did that. It was as soon as I looked at him with wonder. Who are these people, where do they come from? (Arshad Warsi, Jolly LLB, the dialogue was repeated ad nauseum when movie was to be released on some TV channel)
They were kids in sixth or seventh class mostly. What is the difference between mockery done by elders and them?
In case of elders: a guy who has gray hairs will be called names by another without shame. It’s directed at the person who is being made fun of: so that there remains no logical error. It takes plenty of effort, jealousy, hatred and guts. But it’s a regular business for some people. Byaj Ninda or Byaj Stuti is the format name given to such devices in Hindi literature.
I have also come across some naive people who mocked me without having sound logical foundation. It was happening in the group Gaslight phase. It worked until you were watching. As soon as you looked at them: their logical fallacy was caught and they were suspended in embarrassment.
Fake problems like diseases: Corona and AIDS. Police and shamans working hand in hand with priests to subdue independent individuals is the worst form of nightmare you can see. Municipal corporation walls being dirtiest. All gutka shakers uniting to protect some weird wicker men Dharma.
I have shown you three levels of gaslighting. If children enjoy it: so do elders. It’s all about numbers. My demeanor changes when I walk with four people. When I am alone: I am most real. The other might be hell as per Sartre or Da Vinci or illusion as per vedantins or your own mind’s production as per Samkhya or Yoga tradition; you do need a way to behave with others. Call it a strategy or call it civility or religion. It’s what makes history of mankind.
1. Lost the ball to the bushes. It was the ball Asad and Hasan needed. Or was it Ovaish? It was the ball I tried to look for in the bushes after jumping over another door which was already open. Chetan Sports And Science Gallery was open when I returned from library but not in morning. I had to imagine a ball in my hand and do a kind of pantomime until I realized it was easier to throw stones: to be a running catapult bowler. Mark Signature. Budget.
2. A doctor cum badminton player had forgotten his mobile phone on his bike and asked me to dial his phone number. It was easily found but it did seem suspicious. Later on poha shop a mafia guy was paying weekly fees to a certain Maharaj while a police jeep was standing besides it: akin to truck which let black smog on my face when I was standing under the neem tree. The flashing of Sun on another vehicle’s body was also a reminder of the day that Big Boss tshirt guy came asking the road to Cancer hospital in Kishanganj or was it Bijawar?
3. I bowled fifty times. Despite having wasted my time to search for it in the bushes. I learned to publish again on Blogger’s World but the title of the post needs to be figured out.
4. I had a nice time reading in the library: the story of a rabbit and a tortoise you have heard. I had also heard it: it taught patience. Now: about the African version: tortoise is impatient. It has too many identical pairs who hide in places. As race begins: the hare runs fast without taking any break and yet finds a tortoise he had left behind, reaching to the finishing line faster than him. The winner tells him: you took a nap didn’t you? He says: no, I didn’t. Then the winner says: you were hypnotized when you reached under the neem tree. You woke up three hours later but felt as if it was just a blink of an eye. The rabbit was speechless.
Dancing light of grace 