12705 days – Dancing light of grace

Posted on November 5, 2020November 5, 2020 by dancinglightofgrace

What has this world come to?

1. 23333422 were ranks on various vocabulary jams. I enjoyed playing. There were forty to fifty players on an average.

2. Bowled 80 times this evening. It adds up to 151 times total during the day, which is 25 overs and a ball in a single day! It’s a record. I could accomplish this easily because: I had a proper diet and rest plan. The run ups were short. The pitch was much better than the one near the badminton court.

3. I am happy with whatever I could accomplish today. Yet: as I had to borrow 200 rupees from Vandana: the loan can’t be paid until I receive the fees from students. If I had known this dire poverty in advance: I might have changed my course somewhere: perhaps easily accepting my collapse and getting admitted into a hospital in Bangalore than getting dependent on these people who did nothing good but to systematically destroy my career in the last eight years. If any money or security was put by them in my early years: it has been annuled by them in the last eight years when I was systematically suppressed and false promises were made to me. I wasn’t let leave(once I came here!) for a place where I had gone to after taking renunciation. My documents were seized and they ensured that I always earn a meagre income to stay indebted. But who could have known all of this in advance? And here I am: drinking ambrosia: someone who never gets ill, someone who is an immortal, my most advanced version. Yet: I don’t have enough money to meet my day-to-day needs. What has this world come to! Whatever happened to the dreams. Opened my eyes to see wretchedness all around me. Hollow people hollow promises. Whatever happened to the dreams. What has this world come to.

4. Walk to stadium was pleasant. Stadium had enough space. I feel relaxed as knee ache is gone.

Posted on October 3, 2020 by dancinglightofgrace

United Nations World Food Programme: Help Alleviate The Hunger in the World!

I just raised 46000 grains of rice on Freerice! For every answer you get right, 5 grains go to the UN World Food Programme. Play it here: https://freerice.com/apps

Posted on October 2, 2020October 2, 2020 by dancinglightofgrace

United Nations World Food Programme: Free Rice: Help Alleviate Hunger!

I just raised 44000 grains of rice on Freerice! For every answer you get right, 5 grains go to the UN World Food Programme. Play it here: https://freerice.com/apps

1. I was paid my fees today after I requested my student. It was delayed by about one and half day. To feed myself I have to work hard these days.

2. I got the new job. I taught these new students at a new location. The guy who owns the room came flashing a tea cup as soon as it was five minutes more than the allotted hour. I was giving homework to the senior student. He directed a jab at me: “leave now or do you need tea or coffee?” These are poor people. Poor in spirit as well as knowledge.

3. As I was thinking about the guy who let me play Cricket with him in the academy: another group of four people came. They were polite but they had one leather ball. I knew from the onset that the bat was soon going to succumb to the ball.

4. The utility of cinema and movies: they do away with lust for mundane. Art is indeed the culmination of philosophy. The most refined expression. It’s made costlier, like sky, water, space, air and fresh ether day by day. You are crushed by taboos like death, sex, military and police so that life becomes more difficult than it already is. There are countless memes fighting with each other and vying for your attention. The end: two of them: light and darkness: freedom and slavery defining each other. I face the acute problem of being underpaid despite giving my best in teaching. The students and their surrounding area consume life force. In return: they wait for the moments when you are the weakest to attack you. Though you are supposed to honor all the contracts: nobody asks them about why they pay so little and that too with delay.

5. I visited the library knowing well it will be an exhibition on occasion of Gandhi’s birthday. I saw some thirty people over there. Most of them are unfamiliar. They’re all well fed people. Khaadi is so costly that I haven’t been able to buy even a single kurta in the last two three years.

6. I am free. A sovereign. I serve only myself. I see only myself. I am seeing sights never before seen. I am seeing magic tricks. The last few excruciating deaths only confirm that you can’t rely on family or friends. They are myths. It’s a non stop war as far as market is concerned. Lal Bahadur Shastri was also born on this day. The handpump given by the government scheme in the movie Peepli Live redirects you towards humorous side of poor people sacrificing themselves. I asked a guy about “Aatma Pariyojna” and he affirmed about having heard it.

7. I asked myself : if I was slave to money or environment. The gnosis revealed: money was a dense form of energy or food which was need to sustain life force. Minimalism was supposed to work for all of us combined. In a scheme where some people have hoarded for aeons : while you followed the precept of letting go: you are left with a bowl. The teachings of classic texts become the cause of your constant poverty. I shape environment and the environment shapes me. The academy ground was not as clean as the road where I used to go for walk. Come to think of it: in the last twenty five days there have been no municipality people to cleanse the ground. There are many who litter, drink and through stray paper as well as water pouches. Everyone likes cleanliness but it seems to be only up to me to maintain it at my house, in the academy ground as well as other places. It’s strange that these people feel no need to clean up their mess.

Posted on October 2, 2020 by dancinglightofgrace

United Nations World Food Programme: free rice. Help Alleviate The Hunger!

I just raised 43000 grains of rice on Freerice! For every answer you get right, 5 grains go to the UN World Food Programme. Play it here: https://freerice.com/apps

Posted on September 30, 2020 by dancinglightofgrace

Oh my God-head Radix!

1. Oh my God-head radix.

2. I had 250 grams of fresh milk which I bought from the Neelesh milk dairy. It’s an unforeseen unprecedented event in my life: as symbolic as it must be.

3. I put some sugar into milk. I don’t know how I am going to pay for it: perhaps by buying half a kilogram of sugar once I can afford it: which might be tomorrow provided I can take it easy with budget.

4. It was fun running in the playground. Then solving Grammar questions inside Cricket academy ground where I realized that I needed to complete my reading of the Constitution of India. I have downloaded the PDF. The constituent assembly had 284 members with B. R. Ambedkar, Narsingh Rau and Mukherjee being chief architects.

5. The Magic of thinking big. Who moved my cheese. Bundeli festivals. I got to see a book which had the list of books Gandhi had read: there were 248 titles. It was compiled by Dharma Vir. The list mostly had books by Arnold Toynabee, Leo Tolstoy and Dada Bhai Naoroji. I didn’t see anything written by Oriental Philosophers : by Vedvyasa or Shankaracharya or Baadraayana. It might be because Gandhi had imbibed the elements of eastern philosophy quite early in his life and later on he went to study Western philosophy. He did try to take elementary lessons in Tamil and Arabic and he also studied Quran.

6. I have only five rupees coin left in my wallet. This does depreciate my market value but this smartphone is worth last one years of multiple sacrifices and untold miseries in pursuit of knowledge, happiness and peace. The madman seemed to be jerky today: his name is Dhaneeraam and he likes to dress. I called my student to ask him if he could check with his mother about the payment of my fees. He called me a few minutes later saying “you will get your rupees tomorrow.” This looks promising: along with the prospect of a new patch of road to recovery of my business.

7. I would like to teach Grammar and Vocabulary to that seventh standard student if I can. And if they are available and willing to receive the teaching. It might begin day after tomorrow. Fortunes change within minutes : who can tell what is going to happen in a few days.

Posted on September 28, 2020 by dancinglightofgrace

Chidambaram

1. I am sitting on grass and it feels soothing. Boys are exercising. I saw some stars and the Moon. Balance seems to have a number: seven.

2. After having taken the Grammar class: I ran for my life. I ran three plus rounds after burning some paper and tinder in the name of cleanliness in the Cricket Academy Ground. I do wonder about the scarcity of staff in the municipal corporation because the academy campus only gets accumulation of water bottles, pouches, gutka, tablets, plates, stray paper pieces. No one comes to clean it. I can take initiative at places : but it is only that much: an individual working to earn a wage. Cricket is the game of gentlemen : a solution can be to put garbage only in the dumping bags. Children need to be taught these habits by their guardians.

3. I took measurements. I walked multiple steps around the ground : clockwise and anticlockwise: taking middle, large and small routes. None of the measurements were same. What factors change the distance? Height, gravity, temperature, amount of work done etcetera. In short: I am not aware of all the parameters. It seems like I took a Physics practical class along with the English Grammar. I reckon that stadium : arena: academy are currently grounds for exercise: walking, running, sports, relaxation, keeping friendships, hanging out with friends as well as sledging and chastising with the help of whistles which control dogs, donkeys, cows, pigs and other animals. It took me many days to comprehend that QRF academy had kept pigs for disposing off their wet garbage. Most of the garbage that municipality takes away isn’t burnt. It’s only an inculcated notion that burning has precedence over other modes as far as ecosystem is concerned. I only saw regulation increase by and by. Earlier it was college, then teachers, then police and then military. Then the stuff kept increasing around you.

3. Freedom needs works. And it’s inherently part of duality: naming. You define a circle or a cube and call it your space until something comes to crack it down. Beyond time, there is greater time, beyond night there is greater night, similarly beyond voids there are greater voids. One of the greatest mysteries being resolved was: Swami Rama’s description of reaching among cannibals who were going to eat him. I don’t know if he died or merely fainted: fainting means losing consciousness temporarily. Games like boxing and violent arenas have many such patterns. Naturally: lack of nutrition results in weak life force. His whole story meant: he had reached a place where his life force was getting drained too fast. Like my concluding about the light needed to walk through the tunnel of the dark night.

4. Meaning of words. Counting. Reading and writing kept me employed for I had lost the identity. The gender benders were the tribal way of handling the outlaws. The urbane must have existed as eternally as the ancient. Spacetime is the game after a while. Scientific model needs work to generate power which sustains the energy: the reason why some tribes gave more importance to fire, others to water, and yet others to ether or Earth is in either their history or in the type of experiments which were carried out with people.

Posted on September 26, 2020 by dancinglightofgrace

Lingo

1. Am I a character in a book or a movie ? I often ask this to myself when dreams turn into nightmares and I get some freedom to rest.

2. I walked with a few boys in the stadium. One of them was putting on an act. It was related to a previous act. I found an element to admire about the teaching through play. Accountability: the guy works for Karuna foundation in the morning and coaches in mimicry and acting in the evening.

3. Most people I met here switch between multiple jobs. Just one job or duty is not enough. What would life be like in Tokyo or New York if it’s so difficult to survive in a city which metamorphosed into a division before my eyes?

4. I have seen a girl who was not afraid of lizard. I had a classmate who said he used to kill lizards with bare hands. I never liked the idea but did feel that he was courageous. A classmate stopped by the poha stall this morning. I saw the architecture. I realized that my death in my class in which he held my neck for far too long as I was gasping for air had some relation to his brother’s suicide. But it was merely a news. I never saw his brother. He turned out to be a bully later on. I might have been a violent guy before that happened. I used to take a great interest in organizing wrestling matches. In fact the whole environment was an arena. Like it’s today and I kept crying peace. It’s never going to change. Thus I kept working on certain skills : this is the only investment I would have made for the past is only a memory. Some fond others not so fond. Since then many apocalypses have happened. I bookmarked, earmarked, benchmarked certain sites, spots and themes to understand transformations. The Groundhog Day, Timecrimes and Triangle. Inception. Inland Empire. The Couch Forum. Mad Philosophers. I was convinced about linearity and then I saw nonlinearity as well as theatrics. Flux. Nirvana. The Bhagwad Geeta that I read in the childhood didn’t tell that Vaasudev Krishna stopped the time to sing 700 songs. I heard an advertisement on a Cricket ground . It was about the washing powder 555. As I went to drink water the jingle was being played. Last time around the memory of a journal was deleted: I wondered if it was the head of the trust or the boys who were preparing for exams. Then it kept happening. Today a scooty with press written on it came to pick a new kid who had stammering. He was new to academy. As I was approaching to him : he distinctly nodded thrice looking at me: it meant he was thinking that I was a member of academy like the coach. Well, it meant certain other things. I was feeding monkeys. Another guy used to do that. The head of the monastery saw it and a cow was entering the garden. The priest was present. I knew it: somehow I was being held accountable: what followed was family members approaching. Background check. They knew all the time that I was there. The whole story was woven to serve many purposes. Myths were busted. Or I had no grace. Never enough. Finds were: Prasanga Paarijaat. And Guru Nanak Dev’s biography by Jairam Mishra.

5. The people shouting seemed to suggest I had dropped something. I recalled that my pant had a pocket torn as I was walking in the stadium and kicked a ball. Earlier in the morning: no matter how hard I tried: the volume was repeatedly muted by certain agency as I sat on a bench doing WordPress.

6. The steel ring that dropped near the wickets meant something. It was too vague. The coach of academy was nonchalant about it. He had shown that his use of a Bundelkhandi tone might indicate two things: one: he was familiar with the lingo. Second: he was a localite. I don’t know the truth but the anxiety created for a moment by the guy on scooty was kind of useless in terms of expenditure of energy as it adds nothing to my learning.

7. With the music : all the demons were gone. But I don’t have unlimited supply. This stadium has openings and closings. It was not like this before. Now it is draconid institution like most others streamlined under central government. I hope to see a book where every event from every angle in every instant of my lives is written. I will be fond of that book. I was never born. Why do I have memories of being too young and unable. Why not of the time before that? Where did that family get me. Which lab I was made in? They are the questions which are only for the individuals. For gray regions. I know more than all the spiritual books I ever read combined together. It’s despite the lack of photographic memory. And yet…did I bring the wallet or did I not?

Posted on September 25, 2020 by dancinglightofgrace

The Day!

1. Logic comes to my rescue at times. Though it also hides the higher intelligence.

2. Counting, reading, writing, running, balancing, mindfulness, humility, modesty. They’re all treasures : until they’re not. If you master a skill you should also count the dependencies. Electricity, water, space, hygiene and availability of good food are basic constraints for those living in cities and towns.

3. Earnest salutations and business can’t go hand-in-hand in case of individuals. In case of macrocosm : anything and everything can happen. What did he mean when he said: I will play the game with balls for eons and eons: it meant something to him. No publication is allowed without a certain authorization. Whatever reached you was the best of the information available for you at that time.

4. Skill creates news. Rest is same. In love. In point zero. In sunn you sharpen the sword of knowledge for the journey ahead.

5. I received a training in impromptu speech today. The fundamental rests in noname files: I have been through it very many times. I would have mastered it if I was given a script to read. Then : there wouldn’t have been loss of accountability. Hence listeners and viewers. Shrauts and smarts. Kevin Spacey in the usual suspects. The jokes and teasing shouldn’t hurt. It’s not out of Truth but : infinite inexhaustible energy does appear to be limited in certain locks, books, constructions or ego structures.