1. I had set myself a goal of learning about constitution of India or Bharat within a month of lunar cycle. The idea was to finish reading the 268 pages of the PDF with about 80% reading comprehension within the duration. Now it seems some magical changes have taken place. My consciousness has been so fluid in the last few days that I have been overlooking all my assignments. Especially: Python programming project (P3) and courses on Indian mythology and others which were available for free on eDX. I wonder if there would be an availability next time I login to their site. I also needed to read some fiction by Carrol Lewis: through the looking glass. Since I am in heavens I need to make most of it. Dad has asked me to wait till twentieth of May to get a new smartphone. Being a patriarch he controls all wealth in the household. I had asked mother and she redirected me to father. After six months of 2-3 hours of everyday given to cleaning this house where they scatter things and spit as they consume tobacco, Supari and other poisons : they lured me into believing that my isolation or using a defunct JIO smartphone was no good. They gave me a second hand smartphone with scratches on screen. And the cat left no scope as I dropped it once to lose a bundle of keys on keypad. I became a kind of Helen Keller or Milton composing with great difficulty what I may have finished with a snap of fingers.
2. Wait: this was supposed to be a note on COI(Constitution of India.)
3. I veer away with hope. The heat is really picking on nerves.
4. After a few days I might get a new smartphone. My laptop is wasted. I spent 1800 rupees on it and within a day it died again. The startup circuit. The maintenance guy humiliated me by humiliating my laptop. The parents humiliated me further by talking behind my back about my being spendthrift. They had almost worshipped me on July 20 2014 when they arrived Vrindavan unbeknownst to me and brought me here by citing morality as an excuse. Since then the six years were supposed to be my correction period. They left no stone unturned. I paid my dues to receive very little back. Those who learnt from me started spitting on my face. I never thought this was going to be the case and my life path would have been much easier had I continued with monks and beggars in 2014. A simple decision in the name of compassion in which my own comfort was also hidden became the Sisyphean curse weight of which is still a ton of atmospheric pressure upon my shoulders.
5. Earning money is difficult. By doing charitable deeds I can get my meals or by begging. I might have called myself a businessman but none of my students stay. In English they want me to teach something which helps them in exams. I teach vocabulary and word roots: I am no James Harbeck or Michael Quinion at that but clearly: I can help them gain words and understand better at a rapid rate. Or I teach yoga to kids: not a Ramdev at it yet I know the fundamentals well enough to make them immortal.
6. I hear you say: this is about the constitution of India. How is a guy supposed to earn his living? I may keep burning garbage like I have been: for the last six months: it won’t fetch money. I am happy with a clean ground instead of a dump pumpkin patch outside my house with pig dung cow faeces. Wait: kids play when lockdown is laxed. Laxity. Maxixe. Tithe blithe Megatron rodomontade.
7. You see. A note about CoI. I can’t give myself even 5GB of data everyday. I can’t download a movie. The day I downloaded one I had a hard time accessing the browser data and YouTube videos refused to play. Constraints. Grave of fireflies.
8. I don’t know if my notes sound more like a joke on myself or a joke on India. I recall Peepli Live. I told uncle about the dead Piglet as I went to collect garbage to burn. The Piglet had its left eye smeared red with blood. It seemed synchronicity as I had written about explosion of pigs in this colony. I wonder: who or what killed it.
9. I had reported the event so that we don’t have to bear with the fetid smell. If I wasn’t the one breathing the news. No, it was :breaking the news: I would have been the one sewing it. Receiving it with wings.
10. Parliament reserves the right regarding union of states. It can divide or add at whim without even passing the bill. Digvijay Singh and company divided Madhya Pradesh into Chattisgarh and Korba was lost. Severe power cuts was the result. I had a hard time in passing my higher secondary studying under a lantern in night on roof and occassionally some insects used to bite into my stomach thanks to Neptune conjunct Moon in my horoscope.
11. Division helps ego. It helps privacy. I tried patching up with my siblings. I tried talking to them normally. They don’t even know how to read or write. And they are too old to learn it from me. While they siezed with force, by hook and by crook, every patch of space I had: I kept giving them the best of resources. Spiritual counseling to ward their demons off. The narrative is set like this: dirty scumbag doesn’t want to lean his room, or bathroom or act. Openly abuses parents and siblings and even beats grandmother: when I ask him to cool down and take some time off he starts believing that it was him who set the limit for himself. He uses casuistry and black magic along with Hindu rituals of touching feet to make others think everything is alright. And he thinks he can kill everyone for his handicap and get away with it. The other kid is the do gooder hooded with underhand tactics under a government which uses those itself : Pegasus for example.
12. Compared to my childhood I barely have any space left here. And new marriages: younger siblings bringing wives means letting go of me or peaceful coexistence. Letting go of me would be the option once they have tried attempting to make me marry or serve them like a slave.
13. I would either go to Puducherry or Rishikesh. Haridwar won’t accept me. Vrindavan is already closed. This place needs babies and toddlers who would grow into men to further the amily tree to feed the hungry souls of ancestors. I need to read my blogs more often than not: they constitute my pure body of gnosis. It’s a weakness to grow fondness for places or people. Individuality, identity, idiosyncrasies are the only thing you truly love and they are delusion. Relative apperception. I have grown out of needs of mirrors. I walk with Narada on celestial waters.
Time taken: 1 Hour 5 minutes.
Dancing light of grace 