You find yourself in a field where you neither know nor not know. You know what I am talking about? It's not easy to understand. Because we think we either know or we don't. We always think in black and white terms. It's not black and white. Knowing is to remove all discomfort. You feel you are at ease. Then you feel some discomfort without being able to put a finger onto a thing in particular. There's no way to express it. Then you feel you must be not aware, else, how could you be feeling uncomfortable? But then this in itself is a sign of cognition, of awareness.
It was raining. You had a coffee. A mirror appeared. It was a hazy mirror. You looked into it and it transported you into another dimension. It was the forest of life where trees, flowers and animals could all talk with eachother. It was raining even in this forest. You were peaceful.
1. Took 40 minutes to turn Shivansh compost. Three of us. The third one joined very late. I did 51 taslas(plastic pans.)
2. As i was waiting under the shade of eight petalled lotus he shared half of an apple. As we began working the slipper’s stripe which is used as grip by thumb and middle toe snapped. What are the odds. It was good because if it had happened during the marathon i would have ran barefoot.
3. Had no idea that registration process was going to be this complicated. Had to stay in multiple queues for 3 hours 20 minutes.
4. If you ask me: it’s not very encouraging for participation in years to come. If such an event happens: i would prefer not participating in it. They should have given a clear outline of complicated registration process on their website. They kept changing timings.
5. It was a huge event(biggest after Dussehra in which i participated but not as enjoyable) with hundreds of people appearing for registration. Maybe a few thousand. The question is: how do they organize the runners on track. Some of them would be given lead as so many people can’t stand together on track. Played many vocabulary jams. PC had a doppleganger today. Received a score of 820 in one of the jams despite two incorrect answers. Which seemed odd as it usually doesn’t happen.
6. I need to wakeup early and then, finally, run. Got a call from the person whose footwears i would use for the run as soon as i came out of the stadium. What are the odds?
7. Asked for another handkerchief this morning got a yellow one. Like the Tshirt given by the organizers. Yellow. What are the odds? Like the color painted on Deendayal Rasoi building.
6. Today, a JCB emerged out of a street the moment i was about to cross it. Yesterday one of it demolished outgrowths in nearby shop complex.
7. A regular show: a party comes into power. Some of the members who were supporting the previous ruling party immediately switch their positions. Others are beyond being touched. Untouchables. Les miserables. Some others become targets of ruling party. That which was created was certainly created lawfully but now it no longer serves. It’s eradicated or reshaped. Dissolution at many layers. Levels. Structure which is shaky can’t support any creations on it.
8. After very many days i read something written by Aakriti Kuntal on instagram. For so many days I kept reading the point zero and other verses by her in 2017. It seemed like i had reached a home where a programmer of my mind lived. The one where she told the technique of choosing a point, creating a circle, counting hooded figures and falling in love with beauty. I internalised it verbally. For so many days i was confused if she was same as Devika. Prosopagnosia of identities. Some of her verses did seem to be exact replicas of Devika’s verses and i even told Sandra about it.
9. We discussed about deaths in library complex in past. The spiritual force which resisted me in the beginning and tested very hard as I began maintaining a register. The naturopath, on the other hand said he had slept in this hall for many nights without any dreams or feelings.
10. The path was strange. Journey even stranger. It completed in time.
1. Some mist from the air settles on my eyeglasses before I settle on the piece of chair under the neem tree. I cleanse it. I hear the birds and the vehicles of milkmen going towards the town talk something about the “halaal” and “haraam”: trefa and kosher of Jews. I see ultraviolet clouds on the eastern horizon with a pink hue as a kingfisher flies towards the wire bound to the poll. I see pieces of nets woven by spiders hanging in the air. Flying. Sparrows sing. Moon is visible in the Southern direction and I can see Moonflower too and a baby owl was opening its wings as I was passing through the railway station where I didn’t sit for tea as it was crowded. I have my children carry me to the town.
Five Marks for spotting the Moon
2. I have no children.
. 3. There are dogs smelling each other’s asses. Ashes to ashes dust to dust. You must assess the passerby. There was a girl whose face seemed to be frozen.
4. Since it rained last evening and some in night the weather is pleasant. I read back my ideas and find that I do like the sound of my own voice. I downloaded snake app after it was recommended by mister Sardana. Mister Sarda never catches cold and other girls try to mimick his reading style. I can watch videos again.
5. I can’t see the stick I had thrown in the bushes. The chubby guy said “jack” before he let me pass through his street. His lane was different and I could have passed in silence but he needed to weave a story which would be completed later in the day when Ironmen are hard at work with police. The kid in the big wheel did not speak.
6. The city is turning into the Gotham city of DC comics. I just threw a leech off of my feet. I got another job offer but it might be a trap. I clearly know the pain of demonstrating my skills before they hire me. I am not sure if this job will be a good one or a bad one.
7. I need monies for teas and croanies. I am no taxpayer because I live below poverty line. I need a job as I am hungry for some food.
8. And they say I consider myself above my station in life. Whatever works for you. I have had enough of my current job and would like to get a change. A guy released 9 mules opening a shutter where they were resting during the night.
9. I belong to the cabal of gutka spotters. They make their marks wherever they go. You should be ashamed of yourself.
10. I had ease of operation ration had finished Finnish dish met metempsychotic hotspot photoshoot tooth sabertooth Bluetooth headset go goanna. Remember to say thank you to your beautiful host.
11. The Sun is visible now. I salute it.
… 12. It was not very crowded today. The guy with swastika painted on the wall of his house owns a black dog and he wanted to make his presence known like the white loud girl wearing the sleeveless. Being youngsters they’re impressionable. As for myself: I didn’t want to leave any even in my school days. If I ever enquired them about something that had happened it was merely to test and learn about their cache and read only memory. To check if they were as mindful as I was when the memory was created. Now I’m saying this in my mind but it’s only a memory.
13. Venus entered the sign Cancer yesterday. It’s a Friday. People leave no opportunity to show that as a member of some cult or faction they have done something graceful and they remain oblivious to the dancing light which is the ground of reality . In a group of three people I was the only one to have escaped it.
1. It’s drizzling. It has been since I stepped out of my house this morning. I didn’t take an umbrella with me. I sat down to watch the drizzle.
2. Under the neem tree. After taking a piss. Carefree. I sat on a piece of wood beneath the neem tree.
3. Freedom is my domicile. I’d rather sleep under a neem tree than in a house.
4. Kingfisher had company yesterday. All three of them did amazing somersaults. It filled my heart with joy! The kingfisher and Kingfisher perform the same act.
5. Parasite gulls are singing in the right ear of a cow. A host which lets them eat bugs. Nightingales are singing gingerly surly curly lyrically calculadora In every house there are wooden dolls.
6. Flies didn’t disturb today, though there was smell of rotting carrion of animals at couple of places. The beauty of the day is that the sounds of birds were far more sweet than the songs of nightingales.
7. laces of shoes I don’t need to tie. Because I don’t wear them. I don’t fear them pets which run at me because heedless owners carry them carelessly. It is because of you that I am so free and unconstrained.
8. The good news is: the baby owls are back. I saw a cat who was about to enter a house. It crossed my path and went towards left. Neem tree sings with me. Meme taxeme raceme meme. Mimetic tic tax toe nailed deleterious snail ailments gone one and only lyrically calculable ally The night is longer than I thought.
9. It was indeed. I wrote a good deal in 2015. The idea was to help others and oneself. The idea was impractical. It was the workshop which started in August and ended in September. The fifth of September reminds me of another heavy rains. I promised myself to get luxuries if I continued journaling. For it was material goods which do measure upto your advancement. Look how well I have done in a decade and half. My freedom is less than that of high school kids. I took a wrong turn somewhere without being aware of it. Or I say so because this is what someone somewhere would love to hear. Instead of: I am alpha beta gamma omega fatty acids tycoon cocoon croon noon on and on onion monsoon jejune junebug bugsbunny ninny etcetera que Serra serta seraglio oily lyre realtor torpor porous Susurrus omnibus succubus busted stead. Might as well be somebody else
10. Simha is the yoni of the Kaal purusha. I saw the cat who is aunt of the lion so it does make up as a sign. It is a myth. But it has been said that:
11. I think Sinha as a surname began as a modification of Simha. Lion is the only animal which has created so many surnames. Come to think of it: Shri Lankan people call themselves Singhalese. Singapore. I have heard that Bengali people settled first over there a long ago and they had simha as surname. So I think it might have been a Sanskrit word for the lion’s strength.
12. Other than lion the animal which has most used name us Ram. It’s because of the constellation Ramses. Like the constellation Regulus which governs the month of August and Simha is the animal. These are archetype symbols for studying collective consciousness. Which indicates that it is a collective animal consciousness that allows people to create mythology.
13. There are many cows grazing in the field. Owls have been singing Inglenook and cranny. The movie was a pathetic piece of work with ominous music which might make you vomit. So much for the art these days. You know what, go ahead and say it, you know I’m right.
14. I would rather watch a Hitchcock than bitch about some cock parking before the light house anyday. Whatever happened to baby Cane reerencing him or her in every other shot. He was a chubby sweet old man and you know what, [continues about the same two lines]
1. Today there were two of them. One was sitting on earth and the other on a branch. Seeing me, they flew to a branch, looking curiously at me as I drew out the phone to capture their image. I think you can spot them easily in this picture though I had to zoom out fully in order to take it. The two were not a pair of young birds but an eagle and a hawk.
2. Goddess Laxmi who confers prosperity has owl as vehicle as per the myth. Mollock worship is well documented in western rituals. My net worth right now is 55 rupees and it was 5:55 AM when I took the shot. I see, there is a vehicle in the temple, but it is the temple god’s own vehicle, not an ordinary one like the temple carriage.
3. A crow, a sparrow and a flock of birds flying towards East. They all sing. My net worth could have been more if it was not for the sudden lucky draw in which the father of one of my students invested 2500 rupees. He said their power supply was cut because they couldn’t pay the bill. He was also waiting to get admission in his school for lack of funds. The other student is waiting to get enough money to buy a mobile phone without which his online classes can’t continue. The one who lost the bet is waiting to get back his money and he is a very honest boy.
4. The Sun is rising gradually. Taxi passes with a song. A bull is laying lazily whereas a red dragonfly was dead. A crane has begun to sing a song. Kingfishers are having their heydays as ample amount of food is available. Yesterday, I spotted at least six to seven of them. A family of seven red-breasted robins are chirping a song.
5. Here you’ve date trees, eucalyptus trees, shrubs and mango trees and many many electric polls. I started earlier today and the quiet dark walk until the second tea stall which was yet not opened was mostly me and my thoughts. I was glad that I did this because I was not hungry and I did not intend to buy anything.
6. The wrappers of the peppermint mixtures lay here. Reminding me of past few weeks. My life at present was somehow more mature.
7. I would continue to write until it is time for the news. Then I would stop. I would sit down on a bench nearby.
8. And enjoy morning tea with snacks. It would be the second tea. You might say I am addicted to tea but actually it’s the sugar which gives me energy to continue through the day. The habit is so ingrained in my body that whenever I am on a long journey I carry a flask of tea with me.
9. No, I don’t. I prefer tea stalls. It’s quiet here and I can sit and enjoy tea without a lot of bother.
10. You see many types of characters on tea stalls and they inspire you to write better stories. I would love to know about their stories and if they have any interesting settings.
11. One of them talks nonsense but it’s a funny kind of nonsense better than sensical talk of so called mature people. Most so called wise people talk about money or nationalism. Younger ones talk about women. You won’t find people talking about time travel on tea stalls and somehow if they do, they would most certainly be cigarette smokers who have watched couple of dozens of pirated hollywood flicks. So, what kind of stories do you write?
12. I have traveled in time. I have yet to meet another who says so. Leave alone meeting one who can travel at will. I have not met such a one anywhere else in the world.
13. Today is Monday, ruled by the Moon. Synchronicity has it: the north and south nodes of moon rule the day. The last day of the month. August ends. The south node of the Moon rules August.
Two guys were near a narrow passage. They asked me if I knew a mechanic nearby. A man passing with a bicycle said that the Village of the Moon will be found soon if they kept walking towards the West. They put a green stick into the hole and kept driving their bike slowly. The bolt is called nut. A crow is singing. It is time to write my report.
2. A lifetime might not be enough for mastering a language like English. I have to look up so many words on a day to day basis. I think it’s because I have a poor memory.
3. I was taking snacks with tea when couple of sparrows perched down and I shared some granules with them. Then some crows, gulls and red tailed bulbous bird also joined them. They kept picking up granules cautiously moving their necks swiftly. The gulls were the most persistent. The young dog who was barking yesterday barked only once today, looked at my gait and then started wagging its tail, showing its friendliness. I asked him why he was so excited and he said: “Have you ever seen a real live zebra?”
4. There were couple of big dogs in the street today, soon after I moved out of the house, in chains which were pulled by two young men, there is another who does this in evening. Narrow streets and dogs which rush here and there randomly towards strangers don’t really make them feel comfortable. I don’t hold them guilty because they are usually going out very early in the morning when there are rarely anyone and I am a nobody. None of my problems have been ever registered as genuine but rather results of some malady, inborn or invented, cultivated or possessed , rendering me a freak of nature. The evening guy could have been more careful. However, things are what they are, I can’t change them else I would have changed them to suit my needs. There is no other way, I can only get what I want by making other people pay the price for my happiness.
1. The birds were chirping sweetly. Sound of a distant truck approaching gets louder. Doppler. Doppelganger. Granger. Germane mane inane anemone one two three…seven is the number of the heavenly crows on an electric wire. Buffaloes do their morning march. I convert starch into glucose. A Tupperware seller trudged on bike towards the petrol pump as its fuel unexpectedly finished before his destination. A bus got stuck in a large pit this morning as the driver couldn’t see the opening for optical fibre cable line. The bus was going to Rewa and it came from Gwalior. I had seen the cable yesterday and stopped for a while to observe it. The earthen stove of the tea stall guy was cracked by someone yesterday night. He would take help of the CCTV footage to find the culprit. The Baba Shree truck which had toppled is back on track but still needs repairing. It has been here for three days. A tram passed by with a harsh sound. A kid was kidnapped yesterday and discovered. The case was reported by one of my students as it was in his neighborhood. The kidnapper was a young man whose family worked for the afflicted family for a long time. It might seem strange but my student repeatedly used the word “slavery.” He said that one family was slave of the other and it might be true but as far as I know slavery has been abolished. Django Unchained. Quentin tarantino tintinnabulation. We are not slaves of government or aristocrats. The black commando can’t beat us at their whim. They can’t invent new diseases nor can they keep you inside houses or force you to subscribe the dish TV which feeds the nation state hate stories or religious political propaganda. Our right is protected by the international law.
2. Yellow butterfly. I took the phone out of my pocket and a dog started following me with the hope of getting something to eat. The prompt tea stall number one guy is an alert admirable old man who opens early every day and gives you a ginger tea. He had spotted me and was waiting with five rupees jeera biscuit and tea. Ah, what more courtesy did I need? I was floored. I didn’t take any pictures before a certain place because there were way too many people. It was too crowded but still I took some.
3. There was a drove of cattle on road. I drove them away as drivers had difficulty. They kept coming back because they were fond of sitting on road. Accident which happened yesterday was reported to have happened because of one such drove. The cable guys today could also have put a sign board saying that there was “work in progress” and it would have saved the trouble. A bike slipped yesterday on the road which connects the main road to the colony I live in. The cable work. The road inside is narrow. People encroached the public land. Everyone took just a few feet and it was supposed to make them happier. Walking on road is difficult now as four wheelers, bikers, tractors and pedestrians all have to walk on a merely twelve feet wide street together. Don’t even talk about the bazaar. The people would say they are happy for their choices. This is life. Minus an exit like euthanasia. You could be referred to BMC Sagar for Corona where you surreptitiously disappear. They would say I am paranoid and have a negative view about life but would never explain how a 20 feet road inside the colony became a 12 feet road. I am the greedy one for heaven’s sake who has taken all the internet space. All the bandwidth and all the smartphones in the world. I sure eat like pigs with an income of less than 3000 rupees per month. I applied for a PAN card and it was a private company. Like Musaddi Lal of Office Office fame I have been there four times. Ah, but these are difficult times and private companies are also acting up like government ones. They create big schemes and then people stand in queues chanting names of yashasvi(famed) ministers. We are droves of cattle, please drive us dear Pashupatinath, in the divine form of greatest among the leaders of all galaxies and systems. All the newly printed currency notes are given to us at the banks.
4. Bikers were busy doing some ritual yesterday. A lemon on my walk. I belong to none and to all but those who don’t know what it means to be human take pride in a few customs as much as to consistently pursue you for this goal or that. I was given a coin which had 125th birth anniversary of Nehru printed on it, I gave it to the old lady who made a nice ginger tea. The morning has already been eventful. The news about the toppled truck was not published in the local newspaper. This tells me about how much information reaches you on an average day. Dragonflies. Dragon fly. I saw neptunian, foggy and dreamlike mount hidden in the divine fog. I was wondering about the neverbefore seen mist. The adept. The alchemist. I was walking on a road laid by humans. The life. Divine beauty. Enraptures. Resplendent Sun looked like it was taking a dip into a pool of clouds. In the center of the road there was a tree. The tea stall guy starts cursing the vandals. Yesterday morning his bike’s tyre also got pictured.
There are certain advantages to waking up early morning hours and going for walk. I had no other option but to walk. I already feel richer. She had the idea of wearing a new dress.
2. I bought the dress for her. The budget was drugged. I often think what my existence is about and I see how meaning keeps changing on hourly basis. In my personal existence you won’t find a set of habits. I don’t have a core Philosophy: however, I think if someone was able to win over disease, decay and death: someone else might also do the same. If all it needs is work: let me take the first step. The night was late and I was still writing.
3. I realised: anumaan means ‘ that which is of atomic estimate.’ Hanuman might have evolved as a derivative, though the story about the chin being struck with a thunderbolt is a fairly popular one in which ‘hanu’ meant ‘chin’. A connection is also present in sahajiya way monks used the term ‘unmani’ which meant ‘as per the universal mind.’ Your body and mind start to evolve, I don’t believe in any of the stories told by fathers.
4. The snake in the shoe of the sub inspector bit his hand. He went to another city. The incharge received a complaint about a suicide in a room by a young lad whose father had committed suicide a couple of years ago in the same room. A cricketer committed suicide yesterday and a politician died immediately after a television debate because of the cardiac arrest. The deaths have been on rise, especially suicide. The gossiping doesn’t change my routine much for I need to keep trudging through the muddy terrains. Rains: no rainbow. A man besides me kept spitting after every second minute. Flammable motor spirit kept passing. I saw a thick dark layer of clouds around me. It takes me one hour to get up to the gorge. And watch the dance of death. The field is clogged with tornadoes.
Another thunderstorm is building up. I don’t have anything to look forward to. I was thinking of the garden’s beauty but no trace of it is left. Honda city pink stink lights mink coat fur Jennifer refer fern inference Terrence mackerel doggerel relevant vantage point interim rim scrimshaw hawker kerchief Chieftain tainted ted talks stalks shoot through the roof behooves vestibule Yuletide season sonneteer very near earmarked doughty haughty tympanum bathology pathology gyrating tingling. It is a lovely night for a summer walk. I walk outside and see Moon. Orion and other bright stars.
I keep walking and the Sun rises in the East and then it stars playing hide and seek before playback singer germane mane inane shrapnel harpsichord harpagon gonebydays gone through the air. Dark chocolate chip cookies. Clouds again. I was walking, and the Sun just rose behind the clouds.
Dancing light of grace 