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1. I had a meal worth at least 131 rupees. Milk was not available as it got used up in making kheer-a dish made with rice. I didn’t eat the dish because of what happened in 2016 Sharad Purnima. The dreams. Then bespectacled jyotishi then Dev Prabhakar Shastri and so on… courtesy Vandana.

2. It was the costliest meal this year. I hope that nobody sleeps hungry this night…unless ofcourse they want to.

3. Food of one type or the other is common requirement for all. Even adepts like Prahlad Jani have some kind of food or the other.

4. After Dussehra this was the most important festival here. I enjoyed Dussehra more.

5. I played vocabulary jams: about five of them. I scored about 222311 ranks. I wondered why there were no players. Were they busy celebrating Diwali in USA and Europe?

6. I recalled my truest friends: Subhash Ahirwar who is in Bhopal. He made a movie and showed it to me while I was in a delirium: about to swoon and leave my body. It had happened over and over again. I repeatedly went to Gandhi Smarak Bhavan and Railway Station. I don’t know how he came to know. He was the only one who showed a movie in my last moments and told me:

“Sir, your time’s up.”

My consciousness was embedded into the movie he made. Like many other movies.

He also said: what you are seeing in the movie is one of your shadows.

He was the only one to use that terminology. He was truthful. I needed someone like him.

We were playing chaturvyuha: Vasudeva Sankarshana Pradyumna Aniruddha or Ram Laxman Bharat Shatrughan. It comes from the Pancharatra or Panchayat tradition started by Narada.

Sun. Shiva. Shakti. Ganesha. Vishnu.

These five are deities primarily worshipped in Hinduism.

At once Shri ran towards the library door and some other times I was teaching her. The coconut water. Amarjeet. Axe.

How many deaths do you need to master it?

How many deaths to dream…in words of Aakriti Kuntal

This article is dedicated to all those truthful young people who told me things clearly. Who were kind to me this year.

7. There was an old man. I met him in Vrijpura. He clearly sang about my being sacrificed. Ram Charan Vidyarthi- the librarian told it in not so many words and even showed some miracles. The secretary was polite as far as material aspect is concerned. She’s still my employer. The one half of the equation was balanced by her. Yet: it was the young ones: Ankit and Krishna Kant. Shri: who let me continue reading. It was the librarian who employed me to cleanse the library. To protect the treasure. Saahu ji was also helpful. It was a job very few would have volunteered for as it was unpaid.

8. My parents, grandparents, siblings and neighbors: they never told things clearly. They mixed material with spiritual. They regularly used black magic while keeping me white. A lamb to be sacrificed. Think about it: four to five of them constantly consuming poisons and using dark path while you’re supposed to be a teetotaller and a celibate. It was : being butchered without knowing it. It was too much of debt somehow. My intuition wanted me to stay away from this place: because I was always happier in places like Bhopal, Bangalore and even in Chennai. After getting initiated into mysteries: I was even more at odds with these people. I don’t know if I have made it to the truth realm universe. There are limitations.

9. While two of them: Vandana and Satya Prakash suggested that liberation requires merits: Santosh and Ved didn’t even talk about it clearly. Ved mostly rehashed what I told him about liberation. What Vandana and Satya didn’t know was this: bodies are constantly decaying and falling off in the time continuum. Only Shukadev of Bhagvata told it to Parikshit. The swoon and fever: I hated the first one most: it was death.

10. I told many people that liberation only needed knowledge and not merits. It’s what I had read. Merits need further consumption of fruits generated therefrom. The thing was: what comes after liberation. Jeevanmukta was turiya. What about Turiyateeta. Even a Turiyateeta needs abodes to stay and pure body of gnosis and bliss. Knowledge is also merit but the knowledge spoken of here is Pratibha: the talent in form of dancinglightofgrace which can activate any power. Ambrosia.

11. This year was eventful. It’s going to end on a positive note. I have gained materially and spiritually amidst a pandemic. It wasn’t a pandemic for me but a revelation. Atma Pariyojna. Freedom from euthanasia. It’s happening everyday. Anyone meeting me and talking to me would develop an understanding which frees them from fear of death.


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