1. The weather is pleasant this morning. A truck horns. A horny cow chases a bull, a crane sings, and I observe the patchwork which was done yesterday, after the traffic was stuck for a few hours here. It was the second time in a month and half. I had postponed the visit to the railway tracks until winter but yesterday I was compelled because of the overflowing rains. It was a most astoundingly beautiful mystique. One which can neither be captured by a camera nor be expressed in words. A goat is singing a song. I have heard thousands of songs from warbling birds, insects, frogs and peacocks since yesterday.
2. The man who offered me the lift yesterday was the man who met me on the second tea stall. He told he is a sand distributor. Not a coincidence and he wanted to know my whereabouts. I heard two milk men saying something related which meant they were in on it too.
3. Thanks to rains yesterday I could finish watching the movie. Strangers are indeed acting up strange lately which is not new to me. A couple passes by and some vehicles. The poll sign for national highway was more tilted towards right this morning. Something which you couldn’t have failed to notice.
1. It’s a quiet morning. I heard news and started writing. I hear a sweet bird, frogs and crickets. A black bull is calmly strolling on the highway. The vehicles keep passing. It has been raining since morning. There were a few people on my way to here. I am sitting under the umbrella on a piece of plastic chair under neem tree.
2. The suicide versus murder case coverage has taken too much time simply because media has no other issues to report. A person commits suicide and it’s being investigated. Why do you report it on a day to day basis. Is it as important as people recovering from cold and cough everyday? Or is it as important as someone dying from a disease which has been reinvented and repackaged? What the heavens am I talking about? I really have no clue here.
3. A kid on bike came. I asked him to go and take shelter at the tea stall nearby. I also took shelter there couple of times. I didn’t go today because it was not necessary. Until it became so. It kept raining cat and dogs as I watched a movie about crop circles.
1. The parrots were feeding on the same ground where I had uprooted carrot grass as my first field exercise two years ago. It drizzled as I was walking and then as I was taking the class. I had a tea and water balls.
2. The black moth is flying. I sometimes think: when I am most experienced, I am poorest. The first one was by birth, second by choice and the third one was because of being prey to optimism. You can’t keep both–the lifestyle of your choice as well as the capacity to buy unless you are an accomplished alchemist.
3. Radha Ashtami. Anuradha constellation transit of Moon. Seven years ago when prasadam was given to me in the temple where I had reached after running away from house(‘house is not the home’ is the name of the chapter which was read today)–i was told that it was birthday of the divine potency which is the governer of bliss. It is considered that nobody enters the divine abode Vrindavan without her permission. I considered it a synchronization as I had no idea about it before I made my mind up for escaping duties, job and marriage. I had to exit from Vrindavan because of the same divine will which had taken me there.
4. The difference between words. I was thinking about the possibility of watching a movie but it seems I have no time. The drilling machine overhead did seem boring and musical at times but I have to manage with the night hounds which come unannounced. Is this what sanity feels like? Crickets are chirping and vehicles are passing by. I hear the flute orchestra. The author who wrote Jaina Darshana–Ratanlal Jain -didn’t impress me least bit. The forgetfulness is a flurry of ideas for sure and each identity takes some energy but the sense of it all being dependent on ‘existence’ never goes away. Between an adept who has gained mastery over death and one who is seeking: countless number of hours of work is put from the seeker’s viewpoint, who is in the temporal realm shaping a world of his own, one among infinite number of possibilities whereas the adept is beyond time, only immersed in itself timelessly and formlessly. Formulae might be useful but knowledge as a whole is synonymous with reality, with perfection and can’t be contained. I recall her eyes in the last class when I let her go and I knew it right from the first moment I saw her, but the eyes that constantly watch me never let me go.
1. Lest I forget: the reason why the size of posts became smaller: because I started getting more attention than usual from strangers. It created difficulty in sitting for more than a few minutes together.
2. The breeze is soothing after finger tea and five rupees pack of pasta snack. A biker with his wife stopped to ask the address of a gynecologist.
3. To find a quiet moment is difficult. Any and all moment meets with resistance. Wanting comfort is essentially using resistance for more resistance, which renders comfort to be an illusion. When mystic songs tell you about the enlightened abode it’s the understanding of futility of ambition and accomplishments of all types and yet it was misinterpreted by me to be inactive torpor, not just once. Settling and unsettling of mind is related to activity but doesn’t have a unique one on one mapping in each case. Casserole cassettes sets cases ping pong dong dong sing song jingling.
There are few words. A few birds frolicking. There were eight crows on the way. The clouds are foggy but enough to obstruct the path of the Sun. Breeze is soothing. A couple of geese flying over the pond. . The white birds came here for food. The day was spent counting the spitters. What you reinforced became magical calculadora fedora oral omnibus busted stead. The man and the woman that lived in the house were both researchers of the supernatural.
The girl who has her left hand bandaged was playing with a cart just a few days ago. As I was sitting besides the puncture shop , couple of men on tractor asked me if I repaired punctures. I told them that the mechanic was in his village in Bihar and next shop was a few metres away. Buffaloes, crows on their back and a few cows. The lady with water box on her head walks cautiously.
Cranes are singing, cicadas buzz. I hear the cute flute as the dogs who protect this farm bark at the trucks. Tricks of dream makers and catchers are old and worn out now. I saw her in a dream. I saw two old ladies coming for rescue as she was screaming for her pills. There was hubbub and commotion during night. Sibling keeps blabbering day in night out. I can’t help old lady. Hence i get whatever sleep is available and begin to walk again. A crow has its eyebrow in a row with air. Dogs are planning to go on an orgy. The breeze is cold and the neem tree has been dancing. The birds feel lonely and are getting a little bit bored.
There is a foul stench of carrion in the air. Ions carried on ontology. Gyrating cloudlets. I witness the passers-by. A dragon like shape gets formed in the sky. I had a tea with crunchy pasta snack. The ginger in the tea seemed hard. A boy on a bike numbered 9093 has been waiting here with me. The Sun has been playing hide and seek in clouds.
1. Two birds on wire were nuzzling each other. A buffalo was singing a song in a strange voice. The Sun shone brightly and there were no rainbows.
2. There was a bus without any passengers or staff, parked just about a hundred metres away from the pipe where the truck had toppled. I feel it’s obvious that there were very few people on the way as I started walking. I was thinking about the possibility of waiting for the tea on the second stall. But it was not open at all. There were some players in the railway ground. They were singing the song of the brotherhood.
3. The parasite on the shepherd’s shoulder was there since yesterday, when he went to cut the grass off. The smoking man was talking about the theft that happened recently. The father was telling the kids to come back and take a rest.
4. The third kingfisher sat on the neem tree. It started speaking in a strange tongue. It wanted me to believe in something I didn’t believe before. The conviction that new identities related to events and people which are new are actually ancient is one of them. It’s contrary to the recency illusion in which you develop a delusion that something is recent whereas it’s actually ancient: for example the word ‘methinks,’ is not new and it’s found in Shakespeare but I was convinced that it was recent when I first encountered it. I saw indra’s net and I saw its signboard along with damsels. The dreams are akin to waking life if you have enough deja vu. Sometimes, in the true sense of deja vu, the signs of the presence of some past event are so strong that you can mistake that event for the present event.
5. Breeze is soothing. There was a cricket on the shirt and it kept chirping. The people developed a new trait: to show some artificial damage just to satiate some gossipmonger, because yes, you understand what righteousness or knowledge truly is: playing the ancient game of counting ducks and doing reparations. Strange world in which I lived is getting stranger. A biker passed by saying “yes, this is the net, indra’s net, with a billion eyes in it. I saw an insect crawling on my phone yesterday. It was a spider. “Let me take a photo of you, Mr. Spider,” she said, “to show my friends.”
6. Small cloudlets are travelling in Southern horizon. I feel relaxed. The burden of work has reduced. There was a war in which Artemis was present. Sweet birds sing lullabies now. A ray of starlight is shining here and there.
1. I had a visit to nearby market. I had couple of samosas and a tea. There was a long waiting time, so I kept observing people. The distributor was working like a machine. His T-shirt has this statement:
Blackout Crew
If we don’t remember it, it didn’t happen.
A guy accidentally dropped his carry bag with potatoes. He succeeds in collecting only a few.
2. The tea stall guy refused to give change for two hundred rupees note. By the size of serving it’s ensured that my tannin intake remains limited. It’s a blessing in disguise like Corona.
3. I tell the second tea stall guy that he’s the only guy who appreciates his own creation as he sat with the second cup of tea. He gave me the change for two hundred. The ladies were negotiating for potatoes on the stall besides the tea stall whose owner alarmed the kid with a penny about its being a bubblegum and not a regular candy. The kid nods in affirmative.
4. Life does seem beautiful despite merely two hundred rupees in my purse. Yet I would prefer an escape to some kind of ideal world where money isn’t needed and compulsions don’t exist either. It’s been so since my childhood. I am happy but my happiness increases day by day merely by the fact of recognising the day of the exit from this world of death and compulsions.
5. As the market looks alive : the question arises: was this lockdown here merely for the creation of the temple? Only time will tell. The immediate counter is: why it was exercised globally. The answer is simple: for the same reason it was done here. To keep a reign on all opposition.
6. The story written by one of my students showed her strong imagination, clear narrative and sequential dialogue along with appropriate choice of words. It is after many days of pursuation and motivation, hence it makes me happy to see the positive change.
7. The polythene bags were banned a long ago. Many times. But they’re still in the circulation. Where do they come from if the government banned them.
8. When nothing extraordinary is happening, the most mundane things consume your attention. The weather has made them pleasant. I see a bike with the last digit of the number plate deleted. The day I changed my tally counter to a pink one, a car with ‘the pink village’ written on its backside was parked just at the place of the bike. I reflected on the meaning of the word “youth”. In Hindi, it means “group.”
7. The old man had advised me to not pluck mangoes from the garden. I never plucked any. I never plucked any guavas either. I was given some by people who take care of the garden. I bought only half a kilogram of guavas once from the bus stand thela and it was guilt free purchase. I couldn’t finish the fruits in two days and cows ate the remaining. I realised that day: I was marred by the caution and guilt by the gardens. Markets do have value in that. Everything has a prize tag on it but it has a great amount of intelligence invested in it. It frees you from guilt. It gives you temporary bliss and knowledge.
1. There are gray white clouds and sun is shining bright among them. The crickets buzz. A sparrow sings every now and then. There was a rat on my way. A dead rat being eaten by a crow. Dragonflies fly and the tea stall boy is sweeping the floor. The truck that got punctured yesterday was still there on the spot. Another truck was standing on the way. A tractor trolley with sand got stuck on a street where cabling work was recently done. The sound of silence is pleasant this morning. Three long hours of work, and the street is clean.
2. The guy who comes here early is surly fed up of rains. As I moved out of the house it was absolutely quiet. I clearly understand why the lining of clouds towards North was very dark blue beauty. I kept walking through the fresh air. I feel that being adjusted to the climate is easy. I’ve come here only to see how the sky looks. 3. Buffaloes pass by. By and by bygone days come to fore. I had pasta and grams in breakfast. Towards the end the remarkable results were attained. The total perception centred me in the core. Now I am good to go. The effort is great, as it is not easy to get the time to practice.
3. I was early this morning. Sweet chirping of black birds and melodious flute. Butterflies, dragonflies and dancing plants. Soothing breeze. There are patches of clouds in the sky. Warmth of the sun, humidity of the earth.
4. The tea stall guy had some tea falling on his hand as he was serving me tea. The tea stall guy smiled at me in a friendly manner.
5. I asked if he had the chutki. The peppermint mixture. He told me he only had sweety. I am waiting for the company. I asked him if he has a sugar stick.
6. He said studies were fine but when enquired about what he had studied last in English, he refused to answer. I thought about how he might have done it so well.
7. The mound made by Honda ants has different granules than the particles of the sand. Sandaracknowledgerdemaineptitudeuteranopiateateryearlyresonantennasteriskylarkspursineonoiridescentrancenotaphosphenemyalgiambicarustictussellatedeemediationiconicicleotardamsonostockadeaconnuchantaipeidolon I wish I’d had the time to have seen it.
8. The crow sings. Above my head, on a branch. It’s portent. …
1. It’s a nice weekend morning here. Yellow butterfly flyover flutterby bilateral relations between two people. Ants. Burroughs. Yellow flowers. Green leaves dancing. The ivies on the neem tree also dance. A 180 metre long boundry wall fell because of the lightening. I am not disgusted by the way people react in the face of chaos. It was clear right from the onset. The tea was pleasant. The day before yesterday the stall guy had pitch black eyes. Earlier it was red eyes now it’s bald head. Something or the other to pick on. My sibling once asked: why do you have so much hatred for some things? The reason he asked the question was because he wasn’t able to perceive it in himself. I saw people. Hungry people dying for negative attention. What would their leaders look like? And what would their master look like? Yes, extremely hungry. I should be grateful for the stick I have in my hand because I didn’t bring umbrella. The roads were wet and the birds are chirping sweetly. I refused to play ping pong balls with them and it made them furious. It’s always some king or the other. I admit that you are a sovereign because there’s only one ground where reality dances a unique dance. You are that reality like me: why then, do you need, a king in every street and house? Do names really have meaning? How big is your kingdom? Do you even own your mind? I understand that you don’t and it’s fine by me. You can’t control the flow of your thoughts, but if they’re your thoughts, you can control them and decide who they are shared with.
2. There are cows near the railway track. Two technicians start filling the silent air with some random talk. The act is not top notch. They don’t mind you overhearing their conversation because they are putting it as a hint for suggestions they want you to absorb. In fact, what they have been doing is suggesting they are from the company that is making the railway tracks, and they have a problem that they need your help in solving.
3. If it’s not your doing, but rather your nondoing, your presence as not opposed to their absence but your graceful dance, your melodious flute, which is the voice of their soul. Why does it hurt? It shouldn’t. The only thing that is wrong is your body, which is a pack of secrets
. 4. Yamashita tabanid nidit ditto toasting toadying yingyang anglers. Lurking king kong chronicle clerihew hewn stewn sewn on the other Theravada vadapaav paavbhaaji chutney. I go to japan on my way back to samoa I don’t think I’ll be coming back to samoa
. 5. I did following things: breathing, walking, sleeping, writing and minding my surroundings: and it created some kind of resistance periodically. I don’t know if it is in any way unlawful but it’s somehow generating immense resistance because there is a good dancer who dances an amazing dance since time immemorial. When I saw the dance I was surprised and I thought if I could go to learn the dance I would be able to go anywhere in the world, even to China
. 6. It has been three days in a row and as soon as I sit under the margosa tree: two people join me. They pretend to talk about this or that but mostly it’s unconvincing because they could’ve chosen to be on the tea stall nearby. Oh they can’t go anywhere else they have been given incentive to be here. If someone as good as three thousand rupees per month can be given this much attention: mostly negative: they must be doing something too positive. Law of opposites. When I was in the village: I used to be a great dancer but my family members are not pleased with my dancing
. 7. Now there were three of them: they took names out of the journal but their flawed programming was clearly understood. The man with the azure shirt was not a labourer and had big nails. The slaty shaded pant guy had been here before. And they thought that the intelligence was blind. That it only takes random names and numbers for execution, damage or exaltation. If it were really so: it wouldn’t have been called an “intelligence” now, would it? And actually it’s not an intelligence but ‘the’ intelligence. The alpha and the omega. They were not aware of the blind intelligence.
8. The fourth guy said: I have served in bigger company and I don’t care about the small company like this. It was slightly strange but the new guy was wearing a shirt which was also azure, like that of the previous guy. I was not a tradecraftsman nor a rat or snitch but they needed no convincing that I was one of them as there were many tapping onto my wires, only stealthily, not treacherously because I took it for granted that whatever I spoke about to my wards or neighbours was made public because it was spoken with all earnestness without any reservations or hiding. The agreement had been that if I became a witness or a snitch, I would never be allowed to become a tradecraftsman and would have to leave
. 9. Being misunderstood was not something I loved. The only thing was: your presence made them feel smothered : and there was no escaping it. It was the presence of a name or form, a perzona, a masquerade, an identity. I really appreciate it as a script but not as a livelong business because I have more than you can see. I am infinity. So are you. Are you not? Don’t you know it already? So be it. Well, then; you are myself; if you are
. 10. There is a fire in California, earlier it was Australia. I remember about Amazon rainforest. I thought the twenty first century was the golden age with technology amply developed to create a safety mechanism against such fires. Resplendent dentists fragrant ranting chores galore. I found out that the greatest danger for the future is the unfathomable.
11. Cleanliness survey? I have lived in Chennai. How come Tamil people who took pride in their education are not caring well for cleanliness? I have seen a picture of monkey and a rat together.
12. I thought they were joking about gutka spitters. Now I don’t understand. There were monkeys on the field yesterday. I took a picture. I saw monkeys in a dream. You were wearing a white shirt. I saw a boy who had stone for chocolate. And he considered it dharma to chew on it, like dogs chew on the bones. They were violating all laws. Including the freedom of expression. What happened to the constitution? If we don’t have one, the monkeys can’t remain here.
Dancing light of grace 