Eyes Wide Open

1. The parrots were feeding on the same ground where I had uprooted carrot grass as my first field exercise two years ago. It drizzled as I was walking and then as I was taking the class. I had a tea and water balls.

2. The black moth is flying. I sometimes think: when I am most experienced, I am poorest. The first one was by birth, second by choice and the third one was because of being prey to optimism. You can’t keep both–the lifestyle of your choice as well as the capacity to buy unless you are an accomplished alchemist.

3. Radha Ashtami. Anuradha constellation transit of Moon. Seven years ago when prasadam was given to me in the temple where I had reached after running away from house(‘house is not the home’ is the name of the chapter which was read today)–i was told that it was birthday of the divine potency which is the governer of bliss. It is considered that nobody enters the divine abode Vrindavan without her permission. I considered it a synchronization as I had no idea about it before I made my mind up for escaping duties, job and marriage. I had to exit from Vrindavan because of the same divine will which had taken me there.

4. The difference between words. I was thinking about the possibility of watching a movie but it seems I have no time. The drilling machine overhead did seem boring and musical at times but I have to manage with the night hounds which come unannounced. Is this what sanity feels like? Crickets are chirping and vehicles are passing by. I hear the flute orchestra. The author who wrote Jaina Darshana–Ratanlal Jain -didn’t impress me least bit. The forgetfulness is a flurry of ideas for sure and each identity takes some energy but the sense of it all being dependent on ‘existence’ never goes away. Between an adept who has gained mastery over death and one who is seeking: countless number of hours of work is put from the seeker’s viewpoint, who is in the temporal realm shaping a world of his own, one among infinite number of possibilities whereas the adept is beyond time, only immersed in itself timelessly and formlessly. Formulae might be useful but knowledge as a whole is synonymous with reality, with perfection and can’t be contained. I recall her eyes in the last class when I let her go and I knew it right from the first moment I saw her, but the eyes that constantly watch me never let me go.

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