The question presupposes that there’s a beginning, an end and directions.
The question presupposes that there’s a clear goal.
Time: after hearing the news of demise of people, when there’s no possibility of seeing them, hearing from them or meeting them in the real time, you estimate their worth. In those moral estimates which are temporal, variegated and dependent on viewpoints you imagine directions as if life was a karmic vector.
Is life really a karmic vector or a mission? Maybe it’s for some people. Then there is weighing of temporal events on a karmic scale.
Is life a scalar, static, immovable quantity? I don’t know.
What’s life if it’s not merely a journey?
Are people, places, things, views and experiences happening in me or am I happening in them?
Does direction indicate a sense of seeing or visual perception primarily or all senses contribute into having moved?
What does it mean to have experience other than a bundle of memories, most of which are being thrown out of your system faster than you hold onto them consciously?
1. What comes afterwards puzzles me. It’s a mystery. The infinity aspect of it is an assurance against boredom and it also confirms that loops which bore are essentially because of ignorance.
2. Ignorance and darkness seem like highest knowledge but there’s a difference. The enlightenment can’t be apprehended fully by human faculties of reason. All that we know is tiny compared to what lies beyond. It’s proven in our life journeys as we move forward. Same holds true for humanity.
3. What if past is a total oblivion in every step of journey : merely leaving instincts and impressions which help us complete that step and the rest is squelched because it’s considered burden for memory. It means we live in black boxes where both future and past look like complete mysteries. These mystical parts attract our attention. It’s prime motive for all seeking and adventure. Memory and its limitations.
This date creates a numerical palindrome: 21022021. It adds up to 1.
1. The day began with a recommended tweet from someone who claimed to have launched satellites in Moon and Mars missions. Her GPA was 2.4 and she moulded herself to become a celebrity. I only moulded her tweet which had grammatical errors: perhaps, typos. I replied her. She didn’t get back to me. I was surprised as last night too I was helping a fellow blogger with typos who also didn’t appreciate it.
2. Walked for an hour. Skipped softy.
3. Sweeped library, verandah and the space around Gandhi statue. There were leaves. Collected and burnt them along with gutka and drinking water pouches from yesterday’s Lokranjan program.
4. Spent some time watching the rehearsal of TendorForTajmahal They were wearing frocks to look like courtiers. It was hilarious to see them. The play is supposed to be funny so I guess they’re successful.
5. Watched GlengarryGlenRoss. It didn’t impress me as much this time. The title and the starcast is intriguing. The plot is depressing.
21022021
6. With every passing day I feel hopeful towards afterlife. None of my convictions are actually convictions. They don’t last. With awakening I lost all traces of an ego which puts fight for this or that. I clearly see reasons for human behaviour. I try to convey my views politely if it’s in a one-on-one conversation. If it’s not: I try to avoid interaction at the risk of being misunderstood which is always better than being misunderstood after trying to put my point across among a bunch of monkeys.
7. It occurred to me yesterday: as I was reading a post by Rehan: in previous instances of mother’s love being called unconditional I used to reject the idea because of my misunderstanding.
Mother’s love is unconditional within the set of mother-child. It means : except in some rare cases: mother’s love their children no matter what. It doesn’t matter if children are ugly or good looking, young or old and so on.
Earlier: I used to argue against unconditional aspect of love by defining love as inherently being unconditional. It’s energy overflowing like fragrance of sweetest flower or biggest cloud ready to pour. If it’s not for all it’s not love. Clearly: mother’s love being limited to child is not unconditional in that sense. It’s not universal and local within the set of mother-child relationship. To call it unconditional love is appropriate. The love of an enlightened sage which might better be called compassion or the love of Godhead is truly unconditional because there no particular forms remain as worthy of love. It’s all encompassing.
8. I have decided to put down Aditi and other deities in Veda by MP Pandit. I have almost completed it in about two months. I got it issued on December 24th. Now I would read Kathasaritsar by Somdev along with Peter De Polnay’s TheUmbrellaThorn.
1. Ashutosh Thakur, son of upper collector, Tikamgarh is jobless. He did B. Lib. and M. Lib. from Hari Singh Gaur University Sagar. It was in 2016. Since then he applied to many colleges in Chhatarpur and Nowgong but only met rejection everywhere. He works at a cyber cafe with a meagre income of three hundred rupees per month. His body didn’t show any signs of hardwork done physically. His eyes had dark circles and complexion was fair with enough hair on head and bushy eyebrows. It took me a few minutes to understand his need after he entered into library. Most libraries told him
“two librarians aren’t needed.” I thought he came to join library as a member and told him the procedure as well as fees.
2. Devendra came to say hello, disappeared and later appeared only to make me refuse invitation to his theatrical production of Vijay Tendulkar’s play :
“Jaat Hi Poochho Saadhu Ki.”
The title is contrary to Kabir’s popular saying. It seems to be a critique of social esteem given to monks and hierarchies. Devendra also teaches dance classes but there are no classes at present. I can’t afford to be among theatre people.
3. I was looking for the news in today’s newspaper. A murder. Piyush talked about it yesterday evening but it didn’t happen. It wasn’t reported.
4. The Haigo girl told me in advance that she won’t take classes after this month. It’s a blessing. She asked me to wait until the thirty first before, but now it’s evident. I felt a bit down for a while but then consolidated my strength as I have nothing to lose.
5. I borrowed a hundred rupees from Vandana and told her that I would give them back by the first of November. The secretary also said that I would get an advance if needed.
6. There are as many tutors as students. I hardly get any jobs. The only positive this morning was the bowling session: I bowled ten overs and played four to five jams where I scored top ranks.
7. I read a few passages from Nehru’s Discovery of India. It’s clear that his account of Kapil doesn’t match with Geetapress Gorakhpur’s version.
8. The madman who stays near Brijpura met me near Anjana Doodh Dairy. I asked him why he came so far. He told me it was for buying clothes: in his symbolic language. A cow was thirsty. I exercised my left arm a bit and tried to control myself by eating less than what is usual these days.
9. Vidyasagar Nautiyal, son of Narayan and Ratna was born near Tehri. His story “Maatiwaali” was read by my student. I could only focus on snippets. The refrain was:
” Is hunger sweeter or the food?”
I explained the class struggle in the poem. I told her about the dependent arising of sweetness. It’s dependent on meeting of hunger with food. Independently they have no sweetness. Sanskrit is a creative language whereas Hindi is an analytical language. Hinduism is an inclusive religion, Buddhism is an analytical philosophy. Jainism honoured classes in society and became almost integral with Hinduism which only objected perfect nonviolence. Buddhism couldn’t. Some ideas were inspired by Nehru’s comparison between Buddhism and Jainism.
1. 11533: my rankings on jam despite only few people being present. Sudip C might be the one from Hall of Fame. I should check the status in the hall now.
2. I was tired but kept reading. Utensils have piled. I need to wash at least fifteen of them by tomorrow. The pull-ups were the point at which the caretaker of stadium asked us to not hang on basketball pipes. Piyush did it first when I was talking about the conjunction of causal and gross body bringing harmony in mind as well. It’s the secret of 1 and 3 or the thirteenth dimension: consider the gross body which you have right now to be the number one or consider it to be the causal body. Now consider the most subtle body of gnosis or the dancing light of grace or Cosmic Microwave Background or the visual snow: between these two: the bridge is musical pranav or subtle body or nameless name. When the first and the third work together: it’s life or birth. When they don’t work in harmony with each other: it’s death or sleep or swoon.
3. The convulsions or fainting or fever are the signs of death. The fear is sign of death. Fearlessness is given by harmonious interaction of first and the third. Death has to be practiced on a daily basis like life: it’s like losing your ball or balls or bat or bats or tool or tools or privileges or friends or family or relatives or courage. There may be a hundred examples. Death is change: change is flux. Life and death are continuum. You’re immortal: free from death, decay or aging.
Reference: Third Canto of Bhagvata: Siddheshwar Kapil Maharshi.
4. I narrated the handpump events to him. Couple of them: one near Excellence school VIP gate and the other near Boodha village. Atma Pariyojna. This was one of the miracles which confirmed the Tibetan Book of Dead (living and dying)
5. Dadhichi who gave his (bones) body for Indra’s army, when they needed to kill the demon Vrittasura: was an epitome of sacrifice for a good cause. He was reluctant. They convinced him. He was calm and didn’t even know when his body fell. You take your whole environment with you: therefore you never perceive the changes in the dimension. That’s why death and time which take form of diseases like Corona keep frightening you. What are you afraid of when you are everything.
How many deaths does it take to dream? —-Aakriti Kuntal.
The death of which the world is afraid is the cause of greatest of complete bliss in my mind: Kabir the mystic poet.
Die oh Yogi die : death is sweet. Die the way Gorakh the stubborn dies.
2. Class in morning was an assignment where I did very well.
3. The burst of tyre of tractor.
4. Discussion about miscellaneous topics in library.
5. Kapil defines life and death in the third canto of Bhagvata thusly:
When the causal body is not working in sync with the gross body: it’s death.
When the causal body is working in sync with the gross body: it’s life.
The definition is succinct and clear in the scheme of three bodies: gross, subtle and the causal.
Gross is your body: made of various organs: skin, head, hands, legs, face, feet etcetera. Subtle: your thoughts. Causal: dancing light of grace which is synonymous with unstruck sound.
It means: unless you pay attention to the causal body: your consciousness becomes localised in ego structures, which results in the death or life force becoming weaker, whereas : gross body working in sync with the subtle body means that life force increases.
I might be able to read Garuna Purana in library after a few days.
I just raised 17000 grains of rice on Freerice! For every answer you get right, 5 grains go to the UN World Food Programme. Play it here: https://freerice.com/apps
1. I had a nice meal after a long time.
2. I also had a glass of milk.
3. I went to the library of Gandhi Smarak Bhavan. There I helped cleanse the rack and enlist some more books in the new catalogue.
4. I got an opportunity to play cricket with my friend after I asked if I can join them in catching practice. The battery of the phone had drained pretty fast as I was listening to music early morning.
5. I calculated and I had only 70 rupees left for the next three days, which means only 20 rupees per day. One plate of Poha in breakfast needs 10 rupees everyday. I don’t have any scope for buying incense sticks to create fragrance in my room. I recognised that dysentery was because of taking cold milk and cold water for enema. I prepared my food by heating it and I saw a lizard wallowing in its own past.
6. As I was taking milk from the milkman who came from Chhaapar, he asked: what the tally counter that I was wearing was used for and I told him : “you can count on it.” I saw some goats coming from the left. They were all wearing Tilak and were coloured like people after the festival of Colors. The tone of the milkman indicated the insinuation for sacrifice. Inland Empire. David Lynch.
7. I saw a very young boy, carefree, roaming around the players. A kid was looking at the scab on his knee.
8. Puritans created Nazism. Aryans. To forgive helps to forget. It helps you absolve guilt. Let everyone live the way they feel peaceful. A man asked where Arya Ji was the moment I started cleansing the dirt on Kasturba Gandhi’s portrait. I showed them the way.
9. Couple of hours before the students arrive. I need to take some rest.
1. Listen well, oh wise one, I will reveal you an eternal mystery!
2. A kingfisher perched on an electric wire. A squirrel was rubbing its ear with its toe. The black bird with a crest asked the kingfisher thusly: pray tell me oh blue bird, why does this emptiness sucks me in, like dust particles are sucked by a vacuum.
3. The kingfisher said: listen well oh beautiful bird: the emptiness is not empty nor does it absorb. It’s your seeking which suffocates you.
4. The meaning of life ends in preservation and proliferation. It’s all about forms which are better, endurable and useful.
5. The knowledge is not illusion but the desire to gain knowledge or to prolong life is certainly illusion.
6. The blue bird continued as the black bird heard with surprise: listen well oh wise: the knowledge and its use are two different domains.
7. The knowledge is neither true nor false. Use makes it so.
8. Life is energy. Fundamental energy exists. Science admits it. Spirituality admits it as well. There is no confusion about it.
9. As water can’t long for water and fire can’t long for fire: life can’t long for life. What exists can’t desire to be. Desire always indicates lack of something. If life doesn’t desire, it must be an illusion. All pleasure and pain borne out of such longing must be illusions too.
10. Desire to live or to die are inherent in forms where life considers itself limited
11. There is neither a beginning nor an end to this timeless illusion which is supported by the timeless reality, like dreams are supported by the sleep.
12. Intense seeking ends in wondering. Nonseeking is the foundation for seeking but it’s primordial and at rest.
13. Those who seek eventually find what they seek and then retire. That which is true can’t be denied by either Science or superscience. Only the application makes one deluded because it’s parting from the perfect rest.
14. Master Ganesha went out to play, with clay! Lay down baby boy babu is on mount Abu said the master Saabu, a playmate.
The trilling warbling chorus of slaty colored birds. Well, you do seem interested. Kingfisher sings. The mules walk one after another. Seven of them. The last two nuzzled. The man on bike recognized me. Came back to chat for a minute. The Shepherd was being funny on bike with his wayward cow.
Another teen with yellow light of his bike and a smartphone in his left hand is yawning without license.
Well, what licence do you need to yawn?
To own a smart fawn?
To Donn a bike at the dawn?
None, whatsoever.
It rained last evening. Just a bit. The man from the future was an entertaining watch but nothing extraordinary you have never seen before and fat, ugly actors kept calling themselves beautiful. I hope that’s not Brazilian standard for beauty depicted in a mainstream movie. The movie was made in 2011, a time when many time loop movies were being made. The market for the subject seems to be dry now. Drayfuss omnibus busted stead succubus succulent lentil till entomologist falls ill or gets the gist of twist Ishtar tartar arra Rastafarian aria. Riata realty. It’s the day you hear nation state devotional songs around you which were actually created to make money for mainstream cinema. The edition could be sold anywhere.
2. An auto passes by with a loudspeaker playing a romantic song. Buffaloes. I was ruminating about my September routine for some reason. At one of my places of employment they are preparing sweets and planning for a fast. Whether sweets win or fast goes slow down time rhyme ancient enciente chime. There were more people and vehicles on road this morning. All people who are slaves to death, fear, aging and desires celebrate independence which someone got for them. The song you hear around you is a deity that is angry when a nation state is not satisfied.
3. My partner in crime is always out of sync with me. I go to North and she goes South. The first thing I do when I wake up is check my email.
4. I step out of the house and cawing of crows is the first sound i hear at the cross roads. I come across junkies everyday. It is a Saturday and they say the vehicle of deity of this day is Crow. Crowd. Download. Row. Rowdy dying ying yang gingerly surly curly cues. I go to the river to wash my clothes.
5. And there were no fishes. You know if my 15 year old self was to see me washing clothes like this besides a lake it would be amazed at the creativity of life. For most part of my life I was chasing mirages: things that didn’t exist. I keep shedding delusions like a deciduous tree in autumn. The only one that sticks is true faith.
6. I am. Beyond that, there’s no object of faith. Love sure feels chocolaty and all but it comes with grey hounds and prize tags and very conditions for it are good weather and sound economy with delusional faith in inherent goodness of life whereas all you see is staring rings of ghosts, ghouls and goblins. But at least a Life Locker is silver.
7. I do keep telling myself that this version of mine is wiser than the one that was here yesterday. But the big question about the end remains. If there’s no end: I need a comfortable abode and if none such exists, as told by the experience, there is not much left for me to do, and yet I will keep doing something or the other stating the obvious. So I prefer to be among those who have remembered and not among those who have forgotten.
8. I am looking for a greater source of energy. I travelled in time and I intend to repeat it with calculable and repeatable accuracy. I was thinking about life: you need to pay for everything. Even most minimalistic life style needs plenty of effort unless you were born with a silver spoon, which I was not. To fall from the favorable opportunity and groups you don’t need to do something imprudent: just be honest and truthful or keep your silence and you will be given up by one and all. You need effort to protect your body, your room, your reputation. Further effort is needed to prove you are sane: such as regular small talk with neighborhood friends. The effort required to protect your ownership of your girlfriend, wife or land or the facility leaves very little of humanity in you. Whenever I feel busy and restless because of being busy I remind myself of people around who are pursuing women, wealth, fame or knowledge. I think this is an effort only a few people can afford and maybe that is all the people are capable of. Beginning with an effort to protect your health it’s all an effort to live for the sake of living. Living is its own reward. A biker in shorts brings grass on his bike. Drowsy and unwilling he orders a tea.
Dancing light of grace 