2. Communion with it causes Dropping away of all doubts and questions.
It's of nature of knowledge as far as mind is concerned.
3. All questions of existential nature arise from a longing to be free from discomfort. To be at ease, at home, completely at rest, in harmony.
Union with it results in a blissful experience which never diminishes.
Other than bliss, nothing can make existential nightmare drop.
It's of nature of bliss.
4. The bliss is ever accruing. It never diminishes. All worldly experiences are limited. Both polarities of happiness and unhappiness alternate after a while. This experience has no opposite. It keeps welling up. It's not even an ocean or mountain of bliss. It's limitless.
Since it never diminishes it must be limitless.
The limited human instrument, by coming in contact with it, becomes divine: capable of going through ineffable bliss of infinite quantity.
5. Absolute revealed itself to be my very own nature. My very own Self. It has no differentiation of one or two, mine or thine. What can it be afraid of and why?
Fear is a sign of limitation. It's limitless.
6. It's free from desiring because it's perfect. It's love. Infinite love is its very core.
7. Anything you desire or do is to be happy. Directly or indirectly. When peace embraces you as everlasting reality: efforts, other than those to ever abide in it, drop.
Why should I waste my time describing things which prove to be mere diversions?
It’s for bliss that we seek diversions.
When I realized Self : it was bliss with me : always remaining by my side, well melted in my mind, in my heart, never leaving.
It took some more transformations to convince my mind that there’s nothing else I needed to pursue but merely to sing songs appreciating what I had arrived yet.
The conviction became unshakable, firm and profound.
This absolutely quiet blissful dance of reality is my home, my nature and my love.
If I don’t talk about it: some dark elements come dancing for a while which are soon kicked out or flushed out.
I prefer talking about it. It’s reality. I see carcasses chasing dreams. I don’t think I want to pursuade them. In them also: I see the same dance of reality. Bliss. I think, feel, reflect, read and write about it: about reality. Reality which eludes Science and which is beyond human mind made itself known to me. It assumed my form by mingling well with me.
It has been flowering. I love the taste of this honey. It’s best medicine for the ailment of the existential nightmare. My being has become so full of bliss. The music of flute and jingling bells chime. Cold bliss wells up in my heart with occasional tears. It has enraptured my soul. The life seems perfect in interpreting the mystic dance. I don’t want to talk about anything else. I humbly watch the dance with awe and wonder. This mystic dancer has accepted my humble offerings unto its dancing feet.
It’s exquisite indeed. This dimension of perception reveals our purpose of being here. It’s to witness this divine dance of reality. It’s beyond life and death. Beyond happiness and unhappiness. It’s lasting peace and liberation.
Her feet are on ground but the body is spread all over!
1. “I am saving up money for the next generation.” While completely going back on their words of fulfilling my needs. Could never give me a pocket money of 5K despite having promised to keep me safe and secure as i was called back from Vrindavan. Neither let me leave respectfully and peacefully. The story has been repeated too often it has become boring now. Boring ringu gulch chopine ravine vineyards ardent dentistry tryst strident trishul shape ape etcetera terra plain ait it ain’t.
2. She asked me tonnes of questions about where and how I spend 50 rupees per day knowing fully well that details have already been given. It’s better to not have any parents than to have such suckers. She slaves for 70000 rupees per month and then gives it to her addict husband and son. Tobacco smokers, marijuana addicts and splurging money on trinkets and gold, these people repeatedly ask me where i spend my money.
3. Now she wants me to complete her course free of costs. She doesn’t have even 5000 rupees, couldn’t arrange for a new pair of tshirt or lowers or a trimmer for shaving or a bank account or PAN card to help me but i should help her with her homework like i used to serve her for six months under her owner and CAC DAC BAC and the rest of the tantra. Free labour everyone welcomes. The money they keep to spend on gold jewellery and on building houses for next generation which would give them water in Gaya. Chowmin, masala dosa, dishes which cost hundreds of rupees are available for free for flattery and servile obedience but not even the bare necessities for someone working honestly. These are kalyugi matajis slaving for kalyugi pitajis.
1. Potatoes, chickpea and tomatoes curry in Deendayal Rasoi. Very delicious, without excess of salt or chilly. Fresh hot rotis and rice. I requested for a second serving of curry and they delivered it. The kid was taking dump outside, near bench. Open defecation! Then he kept calling some word loudly merely to hear the sound of his own voice to which I waved my left hand time-to-time as right hand was busy breaking rotis and then mixing rice with curry. Then i gave up and only continued with eyebrows. He also got mild after a while. The guy i had given ten rupees note to asked my name and i told it as it should be pronounced ideally. He corrected the surname with his pronunciation, which is, the trendy pronunciation i have heard all my life. One means white or brilliant and the other means born of brilliance. Since i was never born the identity doesn’t matter. Case closed.
2. There were kids playing cricket. Some snack stalls were beginning to flourish until Saturday. Sunday is a big market over there. The field beside the Deendayal Rasoi is very dirty. Lots of garbage. All I can do for now is to put a ten rupees detergent powder as my contribution which is used to wash plates. Not vim bar. The water cooler of 2018 accompanied billboards. Billboards are still there but most people who eat there are happy with tap water. I carry the water i bring. There was some registration drive outside the town hall. All that for ten rupees. It’s a good community.
Deendayal Rasoi Day 18
3. Yesterday evening as i was walking in the Shatabdi ground i continued to play vocabulary jams on vocabulary.com. i wanted to access YouTube for some work. As soon as i opened the app i saw an advertisement for live streaming of a program by Sawan Kripaal Roohani mission. I watched the program in which message given by Saint Rajinder Singh ji was being translated in another language. I heard it for a while and it looked tiring because of the translation delay. I moved on but i knew that i was going to notice some vehicle or the other today related to that stream of consciousness.
4. Today as i reached Gandhi Smarak Bhavan, i called the person i had borrowed ten rupees from. There are some people on a tour. The front of the van has ‘Ram Raja Sarkar’ written on windshield and the back has ‘Radha Swami’ written on it. The Radha Swami group was initiated by Rai Saligram as told by Tulsi Saahib of Hathras and Sawan Singh ji Maharaj initiated the faith in which Kripaal Singh ji emerged as a great missionary. The place where i went to take initiation was Kripaal Baag in Delhi. Like any cult, conditions are almost impossible to follow. Grandfather’s mission is being propagated by grandson. His father was the pontiff until he could serve. The same thing is observed in other faiths like Gayatri pariwar and in usual political parties. It’s not a rule but in general it’s the state of affairs.
5. The conditioning which takes place in the supervision of some parents requires children to be with them since beginning. Then the inheritance spiritual and material is given if they comply with their code of conduct. It’s a lot of bullshit if you ask me. Bullshit. Dogshit and horseshit. The journalist we talked about was there accompanying the people in van.
1. The helipad dimensions: radius 17 feet. H: 8 by 10. There was a guy in yellow shirt who took a picture. Another bespectacled biology college student named Mohit enquired about the arrival of the dignitaries. Suyash.
2. I bowled 181 times and it did seem like a cakewalk. Aryan asked me if I had change for five hundred. I told him I might have fifty or hundred rupees in my purse. I know that it was a tease. Another boy named Anuj who studies Maths in standard eleventh in delight school asked about me batting. I only bowled but it’s a repeat pattern. Chelpa birds. Guarding the ball like a treasure because you can’t buy another. I showed a bull out. The lawyer who took my seating space at the sprouted grains/fruit salad shop couple of years ago: was eating a chat masala on stairs on the southern side. A bald man accompanied him. The kids also sat there for a while. The grandpa was running with protected baby. The kid whose brother had joined academy and who had his finger injured : told me about not playing anymore because of Corona. The puss that went out of my thumb is a match.
3. I should be thankful for not getting my music hacked in the evening. I told the tale of Narasimha incarnation to the kid. I had played with them but expecting any consistency was too much. Narasimha: Manticore: Egypt: Sphinx: Nile:Mishra: Neil: Nitin: Mukesh: Jhonny Gaddar. It’s a pattern for sure. I tried to observe if the helipad and the toilet were aligned with the pavilion door where they practice Yoga. It wasn’t.
4. The girl running brought treasures. Actually I only recalled that I had forgotten to carry my purse after taking the bath. It was the third in the series of girls running.
5. The scenes I saw as the shinning up towers went to the infinity : are wonderful scenes oh companion: if you’re over there, somewhere!
6. Anant is an animal alright. An ant on pennant. Tenant ten ants. Slanted ted talks. As Tesla said: I have only gained and gained : and he wouldn’t have died a painful death. You’re not usually there to witness the falling of discarded garments.
7. You might go back to witness the complete picture. Archons. Seth. Satan. Saturn. Shiva or Vishnu.
Ghanshi!
Ghanshi is a homeless lady. After having roamed around in the colony : she settled just outside the house where I live. Would people who keep track of my porn history and the number of times I jerk off: the secret police and likes take care of her? Would they help her reach an old age shelter? Would they let her stay at an ashrama where she need not do fire rituals outside a house: a ritual which is her eating rotis made on polybags when she can’t get them readymade from a house nearby? What about psychiatrists and those working in Pradhanmantri Aawas Yojna? Is it too much or less important than keeping track of my porn history and jerking off? I really don’t know. This is a strange society indeed! She has been outside just one house for more than seven-eight months. Dhaniram is better in that regard. Not as tragic!
8. This was an eventful day. I rest the case here until I get another. If those kids were there by chance: it was too much of a coincidence: which I don’t believe in anymore as I have seen too much of designs in recent years. But the method which inspires them or gives them the incentive is what intrigues and remains a mystery as of now.
1. 221622: six jams on vocabulary.com. Average rank: 2.5.
2. Jagjit Singh singing Mirza Ghalib’s ghazal. The exit from the garden of Eden happened first for the Satan, aka Lucifer, governor of mind. Demiurge. Yaldabaoth etcetera. Then it happened for children of God: the best of creation. The question is: what’s the difference? The difference is: being smarter than humans he rules the Netherlands then redemption happens to humans, then redemption happens to him, then, again the show must go on. It’s not as easy as I have made it look here but it’s true to the best of my knowledge. In a way: God wanted the Satan to rule in proxy, therefore he created toys for him and then created the whole act of exit and so on: the third Reich: Shin. If I think like that I might appear like Satan. But in that scheme: God is one and only godhead and always remains same. The Satan can never become God. It can only lure some more sparks and mould them until they generate enough energy to break through the egg. All promises of deliverance and all shows of bondage are by Satan, for Satan and so on. Godhead is there to be apprehended. Then you become Satan. Then you continue as Satan for eternity. Or: you’re always the godhead. It became it. Satan is merely a shadow. A temporary shadow for play. Pick any version or don’t.
3. Atheists accumulate material power but are always puzzled by death, diseases and afterlife. After they enter afterlife and appreciate the divine or satanic plan for universes: they see the beauty without gods of archons and realize that though there is no God they need to believe in something to keep going on: either in energy or in happiness being goals of the sum total of their activities.
4. Could ball ten overs quite easily. Toes ache. Weather pleasant. If October was a permanent month or maybe November: weather wise: I wouldn’t mind. It’s better than Spring I think. If you have enough food and internet : winters are a blessing. Now that I have outgrown euthanasia : I don’t have any doubts.
5. I am happy to have a good time. I don’t know if it will continue.
1. I bowled 130 times in total during the day. Different balls were bowled at different speeds and the slog overs were bowled very slowly for it was getting darker and I needed the ball to be with me to continue the practice. It seemed I had lost it about two times. If the student who comes at three thirty in the afternoon was willing to come half an hour earlier: I would have reached on ground in time for completing my everyday goal before it was dark. I needed sleep to let muscles heal and I got it. It’s more than twenty overs of bowling : I should be content with it but the food and environment are beyond my control: to be able to continue any sports activities: you need constant energy. Flux is the law : if I can continue to practice for a few days : I consider myself fortunate.
2. Moderation is not just good for me: it’s a constraint. On Spotify as I keep listening to music: the advertisers use rhetorics and exhort in very convincing voices about upgrading the music. If it was really possible: I would have opted for the best quality without delay. But the ground reality is: I received this smartphone after about ten months’ delay: after confirmation that I was indeed living with goblins and it was systematic “Wicker Men” movie since a long long time. To recharge the internet services I have to toil hard at work. And to remain worried about my next meals. Thus: music industry which does help me focus on things which matter: comes via channels which are run by advertisement agencies. Premium is the word they keep chanting while I barely have money to keep my life support on. What did humanity come to and when?
3. I played five jams on vocabulary.com. There were forty participants per game on an average. I scored points enough to be within top three in the best of five. Easy enough to do. Visual questions need a bandwidth which can’t be reached with current internet speed. Internet is free for educational purposes in many countries and this country only has dark web and dark net to sacrifice foster kids. Lowest quality of technology is given to genuine researchers and best of it to military and political propaganda. Why preach nonviolence and harmony if it’s always an all out war? If you don’t keep walking: you can’t even stand up. The reality of fasting: which is preached in Hinduism and by Gandhi and others: if you truly practice it in an environment like I live in and continue to do it regularly: countless hounds come nibbling at your soul. They eat your life force by every movement of theirs. For decades upon decades breathing and music were my only rescue: I was always a pariah no matter where I lived. The moment I trusted I was preparing a ground for being cheated. This is the only reality I know at individual level.
4. I am engaged in more number of activities than I thought. If I keep track of all of them they seem superhumane compared to my previous lifestyle and it has no support if I ever need rest because I was feeding goblins all my life. If I had refused to come back to this place: perhaps I might have met goblins in different garbs but the totality is too much for anyone to take: especially when the night is very dark. Hence: the music, literature, recreation, sports and diversions. If you are told: what is called death is going to happen countless number of times and the cycles of fear, desire, aversion and attachment come no matter what you do: you might not believe it because you have been shown great dreams. Better to wake up than to continue dreaming fantastic dreams. It’s all a matrix. Friends, family, society, community, religion, business and other things. Only when I have gone totally beyond the energy constraints and limitations: I was would let you know about the journey. Right now: I really don’t know where I am and how I reached here. It is a dream which sometimes becomes a nightmare. And when it does: time stops. You can’t sleep. You can’t rest. It’s what Buddhism calls the ‘pitch darkness’ : neither gods nor mantras help in that space. Jolts of electrical current and accumulated pain haunts you. Though imaginary: the hell is as real as heaven is. Gray aliens attack you collectively in the final hours of spasm when you have convulsions: there’s no rescue then. If I am here to report about that space there certainly exist worse states of existence and if they are unavoidable for every being: there is absolutely no point in exalting heavens or enlightenment. Because: total enlightenment means knowing each and everything. On the other hand: if the darkness is merely a shadow: an ignorance : it should appear like a passing show. Not like a Jacob’s ladder or convulsions in an eternal nightmare.
1. I bowled 130 times in total during the day. Different balls were bowled at different speeds and the slog overs were bowled very slowly for it was getting darker and I needed the ball to be with me to continue the practice. It seemed I had lost it about two times. If the student who comes at three thirty in the afternoon was willing to come half an hour earlier: I would have reached on ground in time for completing my everyday goal before it was dark. I needed sleep to let muscles heal and I got it. It’s more than twenty overs of bowling : I should be content with it but the food and environment are beyond my control: to be able to continue any sports activities: you need constant energy. Flux is the law : if I can continue to practice for a few days : I consider myself fortunate.
2. Moderation is not just good for me: it’s a constraint. On Spotify as I keep listening to music: the advertisers use rhetorics and exhort in very convincing voices about upgrading the music. If it was really possible: I would have opted for the best quality without delay. But the ground reality is: I received this smartphone after about ten months’ delay: after confirmation that I was indeed living with goblins and it was systematic “Wicker Men” movie since a long long time. To recharge the internet services I have to toil hard at work. And to remain worried about my next meals. Thus: music industry which does help me focus on things which matter: comes via channels which are run by advertisement agencies. Premium is the word they keep chanting while I barely have money to keep my life support on. What did humanity come to and when?
3. I played five jams on vocabulary.com. There were forty participants per game on an average. I scored points enough to be within top three in the best of five. Easy enough to do. Visual questions need a bandwidth which can’t be reached with current internet speed. Internet is free for educational purposes in many countries and this country only has dark web and dark net to sacrifice foster kids. Lowest quality of technology is given to genuine researchers and best of it to military and political propaganda. Why preach nonviolence and harmony if it’s always an all out war? If you don’t keep walking: you can’t even stand up. The reality of fasting: which is preached in Hinduism and by Gandhi and others: if you truly practice it in an environment like I live in and continue to do it regularly: countless hounds come nibbling at your soul. They eat your life force by every movement of theirs. For decades upon decades breathing and music were my only rescue: I was always a pariah no matter where I lived. The moment I trusted I was preparing a ground for being cheated. This is the only reality I know at individual level.
4. I am engaged in more number of activities than I thought. If I keep track of all of them they seem superhumane compared to my previous lifestyle and it has no support if I ever need rest because I was feeding goblins all my life. If I had refused to come back to this place: perhaps I might have met goblins in different garbs but the totality is too much for anyone to take: especially when the night is very dark. Hence: the music, literature, recreation, sports and diversions. If you are told: what is called death is going to happen countless number of times and the cycles of fear, desire, aversion and attachment come no matter what you do: you might not believe it because you have been shown great dreams. Better to wake up than to continue dreaming fantastic dreams. It’s all a matrix. Friends, family, society, community, religion, business and other things. Only when I have gone totally beyond the energy constraints and limitations: I was in, i would let you know about the journey. Right now: I really don’t know where I am and how I reached here. It is a dream which sometimes becomes a nightmare. And when it does: time stops. You can’t sleep. You can’t rest. It’s what Buddhism calls the ‘pitch darkness’ : neither gods nor mantras help in that space. Jolts of electrical current and accumulated pain haunts you. Though imaginary: the hell is as real as heaven is. Gray aliens attack you collectively in the final hours of spasm when you have convulsions: there’s no rescue then. If I am here to report about that space there certainly exist worse states of existence and if they are unavoidable for every being: there is absolutely no point in exalting heavens or enlightenment. Because: total enlightenment means knowing each and everything. On the other hand: if the darkness is merely a shadow: an ignorance : it should appear like a passing show. Not like a Jacob’s ladder or convulsions in an eternal nightmare.
I was on a highway. I kept walking until I reached a tea stall. Then, there appeared certain herukas. I kept walking further until I reached the Twilight Zone. The bird I saw there was the bird I had seen in a Twilight Zone episode. Everything started to change at home. It was revealed that I was in bondage since a long time. I worked for my liberation and I needed to work for it on a regular basis. It meant : being able to walk in a stadium, watching the dancing light of Grace, seeing the game of the balls, playing it and being an immortal. The undying Grace I gained didn’t fetch me a sound proof room. In the darkest hours of my last night I heard that chirping of Crickets. I had heard it before. I had heard the sound of flute and I longed to hear it again. She was gone. I had seen her wearing dark glasses. I knew it that she was one of them: part of their Network. We wrote songs together: despite knowing that it was all a setup. I believed for a while until I could no longer believe. All dreams that I had seen since 2012 when the vision of light created a ceremony were shown to me repeatedly and they were not exactly the way I had seen them. One of the guides who appeared when my head was exploding remained with me as a friend for a long time. A reminder of my early days of school. I always had this difficulty to differentiate between realms until I went on long journeys and witnessed the miracles of dancing light of Grace. I saw those lights flashing on in the wilderness: just as the northern lights flash in the hall of gnosis. Just like Michael Talbert told in his book. I witnessed fractals and kabbalistic mysteries unveiled one after another in quick succession. It’s true: despite having gained the undying Grace: I needed to go on journeys to better grasping what I had studied. The network worked in strangely mysterious ways. All religions had merged into this dancing light of Grace. All merits that I had performed could not at times fetch me a glass of water.
I was always living among the adepts. I recognized it only in 2003. The fear of death was gone in 2009. But certain fears remained. I kept suffering because of them. I understood Yoga and sacrifice. Trees, birds, crows, Kingfishers, owls, dogs, people and guides : they all appeared together. Could I enjoy all the undying bliss available to me? It all seemed to have a prize tag. I was in a bigger market than ever before. Even in the most free of my discussions mother said : we were advertising some God or the other: some Creed or the other. Now Hollywood, then Bollywood. Now Vishnu, then Shiva. Now Buddhism, then Islam. Now Christianity, then true path as told by Vallalar. Pariah meant outcast. The Tamil puranam was a history of people who didn’t fit into communities. What would I have been known for then? I kept changing names and kept learning words until I saw how divine power merely changed guises but kept exercising itself in one way or the other. I wanted to live among adepts and adepts were waiting for me to mature. I certainly didn’t have this crushing workaday frame in my mind when I imagined pure realms of Buddhaverses. Perhaps they were impure dreams shown to me by a system which was not mature enough to interpret the way. I saw an old man who didn’t need me to salute him. He was carrying a staff and resembled Laotzu. The name I heard from Rishi and Osho. He was the most comfortable guy in that village. He belonged to none of the factions. I recalled the aery mansions and I saw the interrelated dimensions in which all the Karma was burnt in the awareness of knowledge. Do I have free will or do I not? If I am absolutely free, why would I create fetters for myself? Why would I create dirt, ignorance and matter and wrap myself with it? Why would I be bound to a name or date of birth or a certain way of living or clothing? Maybe I know all the answers. Maybe there are no questions. Maybe balance establishes itself. Maybe it doesn’t. Whether I know or not : I know it does. Maybe it doesn’t either. It is. It’s not.
Dancing light of grace 