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Rocky!

1. I feel lazy. Lazy people can afford to be lazy. I spent some time editing the previous article’s typos. Weather is pleasant once again. I bowled ten overs. It’s the latest version of bowling practice:

A. If the spot is empty: begin practice.

B. Choose a spot where ball has least probability of getting lost.

C. If others come to practice batting: politely refuse: they will neither care for ball getting lost nor pay you money if your ball is lost. You also need to run all over the place to collect the ball.

D. If they want you to help them practice with their ball: it’s fine: then you only get to burn energy and gain skill as well as cooperation.

E. The last ball I lost: it was a hard earned treasure. Some kids kept asking me to give it to them. Then: I chose a place which has a swimming pool just behind the pavilion with bushes and algae.

F. Saying ‘no’ is better than borrowing money from people to buy balls.

G. Watch and learn: don’t rely on promises made by boys or damsels: though they look attractive: most often they fail to fulfill. If you want to survive: you need the ball. Nothing better than it to bring the play online in focus. Then you need to protect it like a hard earned treasure.

H. Needless to say: if I had extra balls or money I would have given it to begging kids today or to those who were begging to get money. But: if I begin doing this: the question arises: who is genuine and who is merely hoarding balls at his or her house.

I. I saw a young girl leading the way on running track for her four or five siblings. It might be one of the most beautiful things I have seen. Yet: some kids looked malnutritioned. It’s a fact.

J. I saw “Neev-Shila” by Shri Shrinivas Shukla, M.A., L.L.B. of Chhatarpur in library today. I read some verses. The central pavilion has been named after him. The track where I practice was inaugurated by Digvijay Singh. The stadium is known as Baburam Chaturvedi Stadium. One entrance also had name of Swami Pranavananda engraved on it. History is written by conquerers: Modi is on mission Bengal. Let’s see who performs better over there. It would be as interesting as Trump’s mission in USA.

K. Rocky.

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Word!

1. I had half a litre of milk, one ten rupees bread packet, a bowl full of rice and daal in lunch. I had two rotis and a glass of milk in the morning after breathing exercises and a plate of poha before I entered inside the stadium. I could throw only three overs. A boy who had a bag on his back asked if I could give him the ball. I would have been left with nothing to play. Bob Dylan’s Tambourine Man plays on Spotify playlist. Another madman was projecting Murari Baapu while Narayan Sukta was playing: I was stopped by an old woman who wanted to confirm if she had approached the Chhatrasal’s Horse. She used these words in Bundelkhandi:

” Has Chhatrasal’s Horse arrived?”

“Keep walking straight,” I answered.

“But is it nearby?”

“Yes,” I said.

2. I read couple of stories by Rumi in library. They were translated by one Shandilya. I made a note.

Moses rebuked one devotee.

The unseen or alakh or adrishta told him on radio: “they’re the strange ones. I didn’t create this world to get service from them but to make them feel my power and debt. Let them speak as they please.”

Moses came out of the bushes and told the stranger whose clothes he had already burnt with his fire:” you can say as you please. “

3. The meeting with Shams e Tabriz: different accounts highlight Rumi’s master having command over either fire or water. The moment Rumi said to Tabrizi: ” This is the type of thing you know nothing about,” the books either caught fire or were dropped in the lake. They were recreated in one account and not recreated in another. The account I read today says that Rumi’s master was killed by his relatives because they suspected that he had done some magic which had made Rumi give up his old routine.

4. The Mongoose was spotted the moment I locked the library, hanged the key and began to walk. I kept observing it until it didn’t go away.

5. An army ‘water’ tank was parked outside the Post Office. It had “Factory Jabalpur” written on it. I had to make my students speak “Kaarkhana” and “Factory” multiple times. Despite being in the seventh standard she doesn’t know the meaning of either factory or Kaarkhana. I have to earn my bread but I am often concerned about how weak most of my students are when it comes to read and write. It seems as if they’re atleast two three standards behind. Her vocabulary is not enough to understand even fifth class Hindi books. I do what I can.

6. I had to sit on bench made by Jai Industries which is parked outside to the stadium: I took a nap listening to music. Most of the festivals are show off by communities who have hoarded money for long. People like us are accussed of stealing this or that: books, articles, trophy wives and so on: real hoardes remain behind the scene and the game continues. It’s a routine day for us. Even Sundays are workdays for us. For us there are no bank accounts, no subsidy, no free lunch, food or water, no welfare or community. Who are we and where did we come from and why?

7. I need some sleep before the next class. I am happy to have found a door opening in the Blogger’s World. Sometimes I wonder if Kristina Van Hoose was actually Pam Kirst herself: then you know: what happened? And if it was that Kristina of Automattic: it was a bigger conspiracy. Most forced and mean was entry of Visakha, Piyusha and Visakha’s stalker(where’s Nadine?): What did I really have to do with all that? Anyway: those who know : know that it was the most selfless hardwork I had ever done. Automattic didn’t say that the forum couldn’t be made into a chatting forum. Now : if it’s more active than it has been in the last four years: it gives me happiness. Pam. Oneta. Collate. Kristina. Nadine. Shine. Free spirit. Rashmi. Piyusha. Meg. Jose. And others who came together to create a space(like iambic pentameter poet who inspired thirteen words story,) for wandering souls. Growing up shouldn’t be boring or should it be optional. Passion meets creativity and becomes compassion. Emailing shouldn’t be an option either since we have telepathy. I began writing this note when it was thirteen five PM. I rest my case here. Happiness for all!

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A Nice Evening!

1. A sandwich on shop.

2. Decorations only remind me of: how poor I am. They do look lavish. I asked myself why: the answer was: I was born among very poor people and it hasn’t changed since eons. Why this clan had no merits is akin to asking: why I didn’t have merits. Original sin: fall from Grace. Sikhism, despite being a religion born in India is similar to Islam, Christianity, Judaism : it follows the book. Islam is similar to Shaiva Siddhanta. Nayanmars were a group of messengers with Vallalar being final. Prophet Muhammad was final as per Islam. Hinduism and Buddhism say that countless messengers keep coming and they can have any name and station.

3. A conversation on aging, immortality and reality with Piyush after I had finished ninety balls. That’s fifteen overs. I couldn’t rest in the noon as I needed to scribble ideas for blog. Things are now almost as good as they were in the year two thousand and eight when I was waiting for job. Minus bronchitis. Minus illusions about family, friends, birth, death, aging, medicines etc. The word San which is used in Hindi for the year following Christ : means “penance” or “passion.” When will penance cease? When will Yaldabaoth disappear. I did see Chelpa birds. Somebody bursted a cracker which scared birds : after that a few boys came who were eating gutka: they rudely kept bowling for a while : they had nothing to share but energy did rich crown.

4. Vocabulary quiz: 52233. Not even once as a lead. No wonder. Decipher means code which cracks puzzle. Cipher is zilch. Void. To avoid the void you need to create meaning. Meaningful solving of puzzles takes you out of the fourth dimension. Same as scaling. Then you become a bigger black hole. Then you need more meaning. This is the folding and unfolding in which chit increases and hence the bliss increases proportionately.

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Six Jams!

1. 351531: six jams on vocab.com.

2. The first couple of jams were hacked. As soon as total number of participants reaches near hundred servers tend to crash. Might be lack of data and premature conclusion.

3. Reasoning type question: only one.

4. Fill in the blanks are most difficult because they need reading of entire questions, then choosing options and clicking, all within the ten seconds time.

5. Easiest are synonymous and definition type questions especially in the quizzes where word roots based questions are asked as they depend only on long term memory and solving them doesn’t even need reading entire questions.

6. I played enough of WFP Free Rice to compensate for yesterday.

Samaya: The Great Time

7. I washed enough number of utensils to compensate for yesterday.

8. I bowled only ninety two balls because it took time to enter inside stadium. Some biker shouted: “stadium has been closed.” I jumped over the door with a group of kids who said it was akin to an army drill for them. I have jumped over three doors so far: three more remaining.

9. Three hundred rupees by Shailendra: they were received after talking to about eight people : after making at least seven phone calls: after going to a stranger’s house thrice. After convincing them that I was in the dire need.

10 An objection remains: Shailendra didn’t talk. After receiving the money: Aakash said: since he quit your coaching five days before the monthly session was completed: he deserves to pay only for twenty five days. The way events happened from my viewpoint make it clear: they were not upto English Vocabulary and Grammar alone. They were supposed to learn all subjects. The manner in which Shailendra disappeared was not honorable or compensation for my services. In case of most of them I was being sacrificed and if I didn’t appear on a day or two: they didn’t actually fulfill their part by keeping notebook on vocabulary. They didn’t learn words. If you want to learn English or other subjects for a month: you need to attend classes for a month. Better pay in advance so that your teacher has enough life force to teach you : instead of mocking him or her not being upto your ethical or any other standards. If Shailendra still feels I did him wrong: I am willing to teach him for five days without charging anything. I will give him water of life to drink and I will give him words to memorize and their association. Only Shailendra not other smartypants.

11. Now that I have money to support myself for next nine days at max: I need to get another hundred rupees from Suyash : which he might be able to pay by the eighteenth as promised. Rest of the payments will be made by the first of November by the students of new batch. It will be clear by twentieth if the new batch is going to start or not. In any case: I still am living below poverty line for some strange reason. The barber has got a ration card. I have no subsidy. No quota. No protection. I have poisonous people around me who want to suck life force out of me because they can’t control me for long.

12. I went to academy. Somehow Jai called me after a while to help him practice. He doesn’t know that I narrated an event about him. If you remove the possibility of some kind of conspiracy: only two possible reasons exist: first: I was familiar and free: he felt comfortable with me. That removes my understanding of his being in a league which is beyond my access: off course I cannot afford a kit for next two years at the rate I am earning money. The second: his gift or being Indigo: that remains the only possible explanation : his tanned face and the manner he played were enough to tell me that he had been working hard like his coach and if they had perfection like mine: they would have first removed the Sun and then started to practice. Which ensures either an award in method acting for the whole group or my delusions being removed. In any case: I couldn’t have done anything else. The treatment in the dressing room. The Swati versus Saafi: then some young boys asking why I chose stadium over academy. The only pattern has been : my resolutions being broken by some parties or other. For balance or imbalance: however you might like to interpret it: To Vallalar.

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October the thirteenth!

1. I bowled 130 times in total during the day. Different balls were bowled at different speeds and the slog overs were bowled very slowly for it was getting darker and I needed the ball to be with me to continue the practice. It seemed I had lost it about two times. If the student who comes at three thirty in the afternoon was willing to come half an hour earlier: I would have reached on ground in time for completing my everyday goal before it was dark. I needed sleep to let muscles heal and I got it. It’s more than twenty overs of bowling : I should be content with it but the food and environment are beyond my control: to be able to continue any sports activities: you need constant energy. Flux is the law : if I can continue to practice for a few days : I consider myself fortunate.

2. Moderation is not just good for me: it’s a constraint. On Spotify as I keep listening to music: the advertisers use rhetorics and exhort in very convincing voices about upgrading the music. If it was really possible: I would have opted for the best quality without delay. But the ground reality is: I received this smartphone after about ten months’ delay: after confirmation that I was indeed living with goblins and it was systematic “Wicker Men” movie since a long long time. To recharge the internet services I have to toil hard at work. And to remain worried about my next meals. Thus: music industry which does help me focus on things which matter: comes via channels which are run by advertisement agencies. Premium is the word they keep chanting while I barely have money to keep my life support on. What did humanity come to and when?

3. I played five jams on vocabulary.com. There were forty participants per game on an average. I scored points enough to be within top three in the best of five. Easy enough to do. Visual questions need a bandwidth which can’t be reached with current internet speed. Internet is free for educational purposes in many countries and this country only has dark web and dark net to sacrifice foster kids. Lowest quality of technology is given to genuine researchers and best of it to military and political propaganda. Why preach nonviolence and harmony if it’s always an all out war? If you don’t keep walking: you can’t even stand up. The reality of fasting: which is preached in Hinduism and by Gandhi and others: if you truly practice it in an environment like I live in and continue to do it regularly: countless hounds come nibbling at your soul. They eat your life force by every movement of theirs. For decades upon decades breathing and music were my only rescue: I was always a pariah no matter where I lived. The moment I trusted I was preparing a ground for being cheated. This is the only reality I know at individual level.

4. I am engaged in more number of activities than I thought. If I keep track of all of them they seem superhumane compared to my previous lifestyle and it has no support if I ever need rest because I was feeding goblins all my life. If I had refused to come back to this place: perhaps I might have met goblins in different garbs but the totality is too much for anyone to take: especially when the night is very dark. Hence: the music, literature, recreation, sports and diversions. If you are told: what is called death is going to happen countless number of times and the cycles of fear, desire, aversion and attachment come no matter what you do: you might not believe it because you have been shown great dreams. Better to wake up than to continue dreaming fantastic dreams. It’s all a matrix. Friends, family, society, community, religion, business and other things. Only when I have gone totally beyond the energy constraints and limitations: I was would let you know about the journey. Right now: I really don’t know where I am and how I reached here. It is a dream which sometimes becomes a nightmare. And when it does: time stops. You can’t sleep. You can’t rest. It’s what Buddhism calls the ‘pitch darkness’ : neither gods nor mantras help in that space. Jolts of electrical current and accumulated pain haunts you. Though imaginary: the hell is as real as heaven is. Gray aliens attack you collectively in the final hours of spasm when you have convulsions: there’s no rescue then. If I am here to report about that space there certainly exist worse states of existence and if they are unavoidable for every being: there is absolutely no point in exalting heavens or enlightenment. Because: total enlightenment means knowing each and everything. On the other hand: if the darkness is merely a shadow: an ignorance : it should appear like a passing show. Not like a Jacob’s ladder or convulsions in an eternal nightmare.

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October the thirteenth!

1. I bowled 130 times in total during the day. Different balls were bowled at different speeds and the slog overs were bowled very slowly for it was getting darker and I needed the ball to be with me to continue the practice. It seemed I had lost it about two times. If the student who comes at three thirty in the afternoon was willing to come half an hour earlier: I would have reached on ground in time for completing my everyday goal before it was dark. I needed sleep to let muscles heal and I got it. It’s more than twenty overs of bowling : I should be content with it but the food and environment are beyond my control: to be able to continue any sports activities: you need constant energy. Flux is the law : if I can continue to practice for a few days : I consider myself fortunate.

2. Moderation is not just good for me: it’s a constraint. On Spotify as I keep listening to music: the advertisers use rhetorics and exhort in very convincing voices about upgrading the music. If it was really possible: I would have opted for the best quality without delay. But the ground reality is: I received this smartphone after about ten months’ delay: after confirmation that I was indeed living with goblins and it was systematic “Wicker Men” movie since a long long time. To recharge the internet services I have to toil hard at work. And to remain worried about my next meals. Thus: music industry which does help me focus on things which matter: comes via channels which are run by advertisement agencies. Premium is the word they keep chanting while I barely have money to keep my life support on. What did humanity come to and when?

3. I played five jams on vocabulary.com. There were forty participants per game on an average. I scored points enough to be within top three in the best of five. Easy enough to do. Visual questions need a bandwidth which can’t be reached with current internet speed. Internet is free for educational purposes in many countries and this country only has dark web and dark net to sacrifice foster kids. Lowest quality of technology is given to genuine researchers and best of it to military and political propaganda. Why preach nonviolence and harmony if it’s always an all out war? If you don’t keep walking: you can’t even stand up. The reality of fasting: which is preached in Hinduism and by Gandhi and others: if you truly practice it in an environment like I live in and continue to do it regularly: countless hounds come nibbling at your soul. They eat your life force by every movement of theirs. For decades upon decades breathing and music were my only rescue: I was always a pariah no matter where I lived. The moment I trusted I was preparing a ground for being cheated. This is the only reality I know at individual level.

4. I am engaged in more number of activities than I thought. If I keep track of all of them they seem superhumane compared to my previous lifestyle and it has no support if I ever need rest because I was feeding goblins all my life. If I had refused to come back to this place: perhaps I might have met goblins in different garbs but the totality is too much for anyone to take: especially when the night is very dark. Hence: the music, literature, recreation, sports and diversions. If you are told: what is called death is going to happen countless number of times and the cycles of fear, desire, aversion and attachment come no matter what you do: you might not believe it because you have been shown great dreams. Better to wake up than to continue dreaming fantastic dreams. It’s all a matrix. Friends, family, society, community, religion, business and other things. Only when I have gone totally beyond the energy constraints and limitations: I was in, i would let you know about the journey. Right now: I really don’t know where I am and how I reached here. It is a dream which sometimes becomes a nightmare. And when it does: time stops. You can’t sleep. You can’t rest. It’s what Buddhism calls the ‘pitch darkness’ : neither gods nor mantras help in that space. Jolts of electrical current and accumulated pain haunts you. Though imaginary: the hell is as real as heaven is. Gray aliens attack you collectively in the final hours of spasm when you have convulsions: there’s no rescue then. If I am here to report about that space there certainly exist worse states of existence and if they are unavoidable for every being: there is absolutely no point in exalting heavens or enlightenment. Because: total enlightenment means knowing each and everything. On the other hand: if the darkness is merely a shadow: an ignorance : it should appear like a passing show. Not like a Jacob’s ladder or convulsions in an eternal nightmare.

Posted on by dancinglightofgrace

Adventures Early Morning!

1. It’s as hot as a Summer day. I had a plate of poha after couple of samosas. The guy who had narrated the background story about Dhaniram was serving Poha today. He used to have a juice shop in Summers of two thousand and eighteen.

2. The juice shop was besides the Aggrawal Travel Agency. His sniding remark was about “father shooting with license and the son without licence: ” that, along with his younger sibling digesting my ten rupees while I ordered a second glass of mango juice as a damsel appeared: remains as a bitter memory. The parting remark by another customer was related to Kaalratri where I first made it to Pradeep Khare and later narrated it to my sibling and others. What kind of execution goes into making this possible?

3. A lot indeed. Unless you read the last post about Dhaniram : you won’t see the link. The credit is obviously to the juice seller. Yet: his bitter remarks stand out with ‘panu atthe chaalees’ tutor who had it a custom to beat his students by pressing a sand particle in their ears. Used a gents bicycle. Used to wear the ear ring. Worst tutor. Only second in rank to Manoj Chaturvedi. These people are possessed by goblins.

4. My history with the juice seller turned poha seller isn’t more than that. That I chose to go to poha shop instead of the vada shop as I had decided(because it was crowded): that I saw and recognised him instead of the usual scissor wielder: that he started talking along the thread : is man made machination. This is infamy or popularity. Sow what you reap.

5. I had to jump over the stadium door on the Eastern side. It was a cake walk as far as action is concerned but waiting for boys to clear out before they made at least one or two remarks meant letting my imagination remind me of agoraphobia and acrophobia both in a short span of time. I think it’s enough of adventure for a morning : given that it’s not a cold weather yet. The first day on roof doing breathing and secretary of the institution where I am writing this note doesn’t miss to ask about the construction work.

6. Come to think of it Enola Holmes might be the biggest movie I have seen this year. I could watch only for ninety six minutes. It’s clearly about the women empowerment. Going into background of heroes and completely disregarding them happens when genres have become hackneyed. Women empowerment in a matriarchal country. Who are we kidding with? Gender bender is the greatest of deceptions.

7. I bowled 30 times yet it was plenty of perspiration. Still dehydrated.