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Events Horizon!

1. Ashutosh Thakur, son of upper collector, Tikamgarh is jobless. He did B. Lib. and M. Lib. from Hari Singh Gaur University Sagar. It was in 2016. Since then he applied to many colleges in Chhatarpur and Nowgong but only met rejection everywhere. He works at a cyber cafe with a meagre income of three hundred rupees per month. His body didn’t show any signs of hardwork done physically. His eyes had dark circles and complexion was fair with enough hair on head and bushy eyebrows. It took me a few minutes to understand his need after he entered into library. Most libraries told him

“two librarians aren’t needed.” I thought he came to join library as a member and told him the procedure as well as fees.

2. Devendra came to say hello, disappeared and later appeared only to make me refuse invitation to his theatrical production of Vijay Tendulkar’s play :

“Jaat Hi Poochho Saadhu Ki.”

The title is contrary to Kabir’s popular saying. It seems to be a critique of social esteem given to monks and hierarchies. Devendra also teaches dance classes but there are no classes at present. I can’t afford to be among theatre people.

3. I was looking for the news in today’s newspaper. A murder. Piyush talked about it yesterday evening but it didn’t happen. It wasn’t reported.

4. The Haigo girl told me in advance that she won’t take classes after this month. It’s a blessing. She asked me to wait until the thirty first before, but now it’s evident. I felt a bit down for a while but then consolidated my strength as I have nothing to lose.

5. I borrowed a hundred rupees from Vandana and told her that I would give them back by the first of November. The secretary also said that I would get an advance if needed.

6. There are as many tutors as students. I hardly get any jobs. The only positive this morning was the bowling session: I bowled ten overs and played four to five jams where I scored top ranks.

7. I read a few passages from Nehru’s Discovery of India. It’s clear that his account of Kapil doesn’t match with Geetapress Gorakhpur’s version.

8. The madman who stays near Brijpura met me near Anjana Doodh Dairy. I asked him why he came so far. He told me it was for buying clothes: in his symbolic language. A cow was thirsty. I exercised my left arm a bit and tried to control myself by eating less than what is usual these days.

9. Vidyasagar Nautiyal, son of Narayan and Ratna was born near Tehri. His story “Maatiwaali” was read by my student. I could only focus on snippets. The refrain was:

” Is hunger sweeter or the food?”

I explained the class struggle in the poem. I told her about the dependent arising of sweetness. It’s dependent on meeting of hunger with food. Independently they have no sweetness. Sanskrit is a creative language whereas Hindi is an analytical language. Hinduism is an inclusive religion, Buddhism is an analytical philosophy. Jainism honoured classes in society and became almost integral with Hinduism which only objected perfect nonviolence. Buddhism couldn’t. Some ideas were inspired by Nehru’s comparison between Buddhism and Jainism.

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Resonance and Sonorous Son!

1. I had a very subtle inkling of what was happening when I used to go to see ranking boards. It was a rare thing to get qualified for Resonance coaching institute in Kota, Rajasthan. The first systematic sacrifice, the first awakening, the first realization, the very first systematic invention of rhythmic breathing, reading Osho because the usual acharya wasn’t available. It looks like it was many centuries ago. The whole gamut included: Raj Bapna. Dr. Win Wenger. Richard Bandler. Uncle who sold his blood to complete his college (words borrowed from old sibling) . Bansal. The Great American dream. Astrologers in my neighborhood and family. Uncles who bet on me. Etcetera. One Usha Shukla’s husband had daring to think that my losing weight was result of being in a bad company. Another good jolt was given by one mister Khare who is still not worth being talked about. Another friend who was cunning, calculative and had his father in bank : he was a miser and kept his appetite in check so that later he might buy some toys for his kids to be and show them off on Facebook. I heard from him only once or twice until he had things to show off. The nightmare I had: the Vaitaal being played by Umang’s grandfather who had to become a great black hole later on. And my being unable to realize that my goblin father was eaten up way too earlier than I thought. I was an alien there and an alien here. An alien everywhere. Never enough smart, never enough wealthy, always in want. R3—R4—R5—R6—R7. What was happening? Bench to stool to tasting death. Why did that guy tell: ” I saw a dream that you died!” I later reflected on the event with the Hawaldar Murlidhar: I had indeed died. Perhaps he didn’t know it then. Maybe he did. It served as a great pointer to note that a new life began. I was creating rains without knowing it. And ironically: later I thought I needed to help people who had no rains or lack of them. How long it takes to grasp mystical from the viewpoint of human beings who reincarnate. It might be an hour or a minute for higher beings or nothing at all : from a standpoint where time doesn’t exist. Instead of reading “how to stop worrying and start living;” I should have been reading “The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying”: if its purest version existed which had no emblems from Robert Thurman. That would have been more useful than Osho : his half baked versions of Buddhism. That would have been better than Rao sir’s repeated exhortation about IQ. If I didn’t have the intelligence quotient to get coached: I shouldn’t have been admitted. But they had a big business to run which was started by Nehru and English people. I was not given admission into the fourth class in the school because I only knew twenty something words because that was the range of vocabulary my household or orphanage had: Foster kids home : where they are beaten and systematically raped for trinkets. Until they develop the Stockholm syndrome. They haven’t known any better. Resonance: means living together of people in harmony.

2. It’s a light show here. I bowled 101 times. A few guys joined to practice and field. It was fun though I wondered if I needed to move over to another place. It’s as much of running as I would have done after many months. Old hard work comes like gift or wisdom recollection to help me. It was something similar then: a few jokes by school mates who couldn’t really develop as good a bowling action or speed as I did. For many years. But I forgot everything else in pursuit of superiority. The reason: genuine venom in their jokes. That I didn’t have a round arm action; that I was a chucker: in turn I poured the same venom in my blog article ” a generation of chuckers”: standard actions and what is considered good is set by civilization and zeitgeist and we hurry up to follow through. Until we get tired and retire to see others do that.

3. Son means ‘sound’ as a root form. If extrapolation was right: all goldsmiths should have sound health. No male pattern baldness or aging. The essence is created by the word. The greatest son of father means there is only one son who is the holy Spirit or Logos. He’s the Archon or One of the seven archons. Yesterday I read about Saturn eating up all its male children and Jupiter being saved by Juno in the Greek myth. Add ouroboros or draconid axis to that: the serpent forms a circle and only those who move out of the circle are spared their life. I really don’t want any children to read this as it’s going to give them nightmares but perhaps Jai knows more than this already. My father’s aunt who was one of many tenants used to tell these stories. In some ways: she was more kind than the actual investors. Or it seems from a distance. Like those teachers who created some fond memories: some moments where I felt that I was special or deserving: not realizing the gravity of things to follow: perhaps nobody does that.

4. A written record by Vallalar in the year 2020 was better than a promise made by the teacher who initiated me in 2014. It might be that both were false promises : but the adept status was not claimed by anyone else in such a way after him. And if there is Truth in anything : his must be the final or best to be on the public record without having been suppressed. Lack of popularity can easily be understood by the argument given in favor of beings like Buddha and Gandhi: that they were emanation bodies of a Truth body which had already attained perfection in some other dimensions. Icons for “lokasangraha.” That stands true for all celebrities and if I see bazillion people ahead of me in queue to attain perfect liberation: the tall claims of Vallalar fall flat. It can’t be time or gaining merits via charity. It’s the conclusion I reached via gnosis in 2007. I found that making lists was like using needle in place of sword. It was a puzzle posed by the person who took me to get initiated by the Surati Sabd Yoga master. I couldn’t fathom the mandala scheme for many years until the parallel universes and time travel was understood clearly. I can say: I have a firm unshakable understanding of those two with actual memories of having travelled in time as well as memories being overwritten multiple times. But: I still don’t have a machine which would immediately take me to an old age or a future one. There are barriers which need immense reservoirs of energy to be done away with completely. There are factions: countless: trying to do the same thing. The great time still remains a challenge. Completely timeless beings haven’t met me as friends. People who have no pride for being immortal, young, immune to decay, aging or death(fear). I am waiting. To see beings with countless heads and hands. Giant snakes. Etcetera.

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Dear diary!

1. My student asked me: how to improve concentration. I told him to practice.

2. I played vocabulary quizzes on vocabulary.com and freerice.com after taking some sleep.

3. I kept listening to soft music.

4. We filled seven bowls of rice on freerice.com.

5. I will go for another walk and then to academy to see my friends play. Then I will play cricket and practice Yoga.

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Walking

1. There were giant bats on the Ashok tree. It has started to drizzle as we were waiting near the swing. Wings of bats were spread like canopies. Batlings were battling with drizzle drops, flying zigzag. They were not there just a few days ago. An owl and half lives there too. It’s cute. A bird with a crest was sitting on an iron bar. They threw their beedi and went away. The owl with white feathers on top of the white electric poll flew away as soon as it saw me coming to take a picture. I moved out of house without an umbrella. I had walked only a few blocks when drizzling became rapid and I had to go back and pick the umbrella. The umbrella has a gaping hole on the handle.

2. The rapid movement of clouds from left to right created an exquisite scenery. I took many pictures before the second tea stall. The truck kept moving slowly until it disappeared in the horizon. It was the fourth day since its accident. I saw the deaf man before the narrow passage. He was trying to tell about yesterday’s bus accident. I tried to grasp his sign language. It rained and umbrella came in handy for saving torso. The deaf man said his name was Li Ning.

3. I got a job offer yesterday evening. The timings need to be adjusted. I also need to explore another direction for an examination. The days are hectic. He will see her in a day or two.

4. She was looking at him with intrest but he had no time for her. The customs. People are enjoying good weather. He plans to have a discussion with his father.

5. The discussion about breeding is a fundamental discussion. The second hand was moving without jerk and it was time. The stuffed tomatoes were singing ginseng songs. The father is thinking about the son.

6. The dancing lord is dancing an amazing dance. I don’t pay any heed to gossips. I don’t have anything to look forward to. Nor do I have anything to look backwards. It has all been erased. The teacher came and stood on the left side.

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All Hail The Mother Half Virgin!

I sit on a stone outside the Padmanabha Puram: a residential complex near railway station. Some buffaloes pass by. Smooth soothing soft breeze touches my skin. Some vehicles keep passing. The weather has been pleasant in this month.

I saw a tagline on a small trailer which was parked on my way. It said something which meant what the heading of this article means.

Exact words: Jai maan Ardhakunwari!

Ardhakunwari is derived from Ardhakumari. Kunwar or kunwari is variation of Kumar or kumari which meant virgin or pure. Ardha is a prefix here which means half. Thus the word means half virgin.

You might have heard about the virgin Mary. But what about the mother half virgin? This is the first time I have seen her name. She’s neither virgin nor not virgin. She’s neither pure nor not pure. She’s neither black nor white. What’s she?

Yes, she’s a mystery. There’s a world of gods and goddesses who are taken from the folklore and found only on the vehicles as protection charms.

Since this post is about names: let me take a diversion here. I have been meaning to write about couple of surnames for sometime. Surnames tell a great story if you have means to dig up the etymology. However I would only touch upon two new surnames I found in my colony which were waiting to be discovered.

The first one is maafidaar. It’s the surname of a ration shop owner. It seems like it has something to do with the infamous maafia which is originally from Italian maafos which relates to the arabic or Urdu maafi too and means to pardon. The word is kind of euphemism because ‘being able to pardon’ was an insinuation towards ability to punish. It was about the creditors. The word Mahajan originally meant ‘great people’ as in the epic Mahabharata Vyasa says: Mahajanoyen…..panthah : the path on which great people have left their footsteps is the path to be walked. Later the word meant only the people who were loan sharks.

The next word is: argala. This surname also seems to be odd. It’s akin to maafidaar threatening in nature. Argala means divine obstruction. It’s not something you take lightly. It’s the surname of a family of advocates of law.

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I am a ghost!

The girl is getting married to a guy in air force. She use to live near the place where I died as my heart stopped working. I was under the influence of the drugs. I ran away naked: thinking about a Jain monk. He died last year. I was taken to a saint who also died this year. I wanted to enter into the ground where the air force was hiring. There was a boy with me that day and I saw a  guy who was named Van Rose. Since then 4 years have passed. I am sure: I died in that event and since then: I have been roaming around the city. I am teaching a guy named Van Rose. I heard him say: grain market. What are the odds? I had a dream before I began teaching this guy Van Rose. I saw the personality of the godhead who lived in a high place. And I had been complaining about wheat market opening while ground was closed. I came to know that authority wanted to keep the ground locked as it was a college ground. Very few chosen ones reached near him. I was given a job. I did the job. As wierd things kept happening around the city. I was fed up with being a so called farmer. I became an English language teacher. I was fond of words because they were a guarantee of good career as per the experts. That didn’t happen. I barely am able to pay the bills. Since I am living with virtually the same people who were there four years ago: I wonder if I really died or they all are also the ghosts. I know that I am now in the same state as that night I passed out.

I am a ghost.

How come I never knew that?

I don’t know.

That is very strange. I wonder what it means?

I also wonder.

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The Skinny Daydreamer

I am tired of being a sheep. He was walking– towards his bench. The bench was the last reminder of the grandpa who used to teach in the school opposite to it. He was sitting on his bench. What is the best medicine for boredom. I am sure you are interested in this one. He wrote in an email to her. He was interested in exploring event generation.

Life had been through a jungle–a dark tunnel mostly. And it so happened in his awakening: he found no light at the end of it. He became it. What did it mean? The greedy kids were slurping water bowls. They were always in a hurry. Buzzing sound. Mosquitoes sucking blood from his right arm armiger germane manager inane prop up. It didn’t matter if you felt significant or insignificant with the events happening in your day to day life. No, it didn’t. The number of events everyday was directly proportional to the pace at which the time passed. All consciousness is of change: events included people, things and space. Distributed consciousness in case of mass events is less focussed on individuals and more on the global change. Harmony dictated whether he felt good or better regarding what happened around. It was not a note being dictated by the way but only a measurement directing him towards the balance.

Since the mystery of the pyramid was revealed: he understood that it was animalistic consciousness which brought about harmony and catastrophe in turns. The Moon along with Saturn were so designed as to generate constant work for themselves and others. They were in charge of the pyramid here. And having witnessed it for decades: he was neither for nor against the spirit of the pyramid. It was part of the nature of the pyramid. Middle East was boiling once again. He knew that another catastrophe was in the making. Kings and queens had already left the earth.

Their messages were telecast from Jupiter without general public knowledge of the departure. The mass extinction gameplay was the event for which they were made. Royal blue knew that all along. All previous world wars and calamities were presented with a narrative to modify your consciousness so that instead of being a witness to the event you become a participant. Without being an actor your life remained insignificant. With a hue which was either dark or light: you were forced to take care of the pyramid. You hardly ever realised that realm created by you had existed eternally. The king of the pyramid became the “King of the World”. Enough with the daydreaming. He has a great philosophical imagination which had been fuelled by the conspiracy theories and concepts half baked. He was hungry for he had hardly eaten anything in two days. He entered into the tavern and ordered a salted soda as villagers looked at him with some suspicion. The tavern owner didn’t make too much fuss about it and this was enough for the man from a faraway land who had been sitting alone in the Shed of eucalyptus trees for what seemed like an eternity now. It’s not his fault that he was so skinny but his waist was an inch and a half or two inches smaller than a normal man.

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Meeting was for eavesdropping!

I was reading a book on bee-keeping. I came across this word “eaves.” It’s not something I knew so I looked it up. It was defined as the part of the building where roof meets the wall. I knew by the context: it was not a plural of eave. I found that “eaves” was also used in the sense of “the eaves.” I am fond of etymology. Eavesdropping is a fairly popular word. Every ethics book tells it’s unethical. Government does it to control and manipulate us. Corporate world is full of scandals Is it all right to eavesdrop? She asked. No. I talked about it. People talk about things freely only when they know they won’t be betrayed by infringement. The full name of the custom is “open exposure, or open exposure”.

Eavesdropping is a compound made of eaves and dropping. Pingpongs singsongs Singapore saves us vestige tinge tin nitwit. They were drawn into a den of the lion, and there, with the lion at their throats, they found themselves. Elves realm Elvis vis a vis viscera que Serra Serra mesa. Eaves doesn’t drop unless it’s an earthquake. Ears drop when you are all ears. I see: I am all ears. In ICU. See you soon. She was deaf. Fed ex tracking number for the mannah. Meeting was in ‘J’ area.