1. 23333422 were ranks on various vocabulary jams. I enjoyed playing. There were forty to fifty players on an average.
2. Bowled 80 times this evening. It adds up to 151 times total during the day, which is 25 overs and a ball in a single day! It’s a record. I could accomplish this easily because: I had a proper diet and rest plan. The run ups were short. The pitch was much better than the one near the badminton court.
3. I am happy with whatever I could accomplish today. Yet: as I had to borrow 200 rupees from Vandana: the loan can’t be paid until I receive the fees from students. If I had known this dire poverty in advance: I might have changed my course somewhere: perhaps easily accepting my collapse and getting admitted into a hospital in Bangalore than getting dependent on these people who did nothing good but to systematically destroy my career in the last eight years. If any money or security was put by them in my early years: it has been annuled by them in the last eight years when I was systematically suppressed and false promises were made to me. I wasn’t let leave(once I came here!) for a place where I had gone to after taking renunciation. My documents were seized and they ensured that I always earn a meagre income to stay indebted. But who could have known all of this in advance? And here I am: drinking ambrosia: someone who never gets ill, someone who is an immortal, my most advanced version. Yet: I don’t have enough money to meet my day-to-day needs. What has this world come to! Whatever happened to the dreams. Opened my eyes to see wretchedness all around me. Hollow people hollow promises. Whatever happened to the dreams. What has this world come to.
4. Walk to stadium was pleasant. Stadium had enough space. I feel relaxed as knee ache is gone.
1. I just read what I had written six hours ago and though I usually don’t judge myself the last post seems to have been written by a drunk and yet it was ambrosia. The nectar of immortality plus some words.
2. I practiced alternate nostril breathing and bowling in stadium. Fortunately I got some space where some municipal corporation employees were sweeping. Prior to that I had a special juice worth ten rupees. This bitter juice is said to be “death” of 350 uncontrollable diseases. I am death of deaths if Shukadev was right. Go figure!
3. I bowled 71 times. This was after a long time. I only slept for three hours and had a wonderful session in morning : all because I took a break and slept for three hours yesterday noon.
4. News is getting unnecessarily dramatic. As is more. The elections in so many places are timed by electional astrology and yet: those who have the final say: the eye of the eye of the pyramid and its crown : remain unknown to the masses.
5. I should play some vocabulary jams. And donate some rice. No Claire G or PC at this hour : though Stephen might turn up. ( Stephen didn’t. Hang L did. Got second rank in two of them.)
6. Supernatural season 15 finale taught me more about Chuck. Though they create ‘on the go;’ Chuck is definitely demiurge. Not the Godhead. Jack the son of Lucifer is going to get killed. Sam seems to have aged more than Dean. Crowley wasn’t there. The library of death scene was epic. I got acquainted with something called “empty.” Though Supernatural is not perfect : there’s no substitute to it! This finale didn’t have as many special effects but it showed death and black hole to be more powerful than darkness and light. Light who is a demiurge? Mister Singer and Dabb have all the answers.
1. As long as Claire G is there I can only imagine to get the first rank in the night jams. PC spoils my evening jams by being so smart. Their IQs must be 150+.
2. If it’s not PC, Stephen or Claire take the baton and I don’t get the first rank.
3. I need to get the first rank.
4. The fill in the blanks take too much time to read. They should be removed from the constitution of vocabulary.com( Ben Zimmer????)
5. New jams should be created. I can create them to ensure my victory but who will be joining? That’s the main problem. Only hosted by vocabulary.com ones gain any good number of players.
6. Words like kibble nibble at my soul. But the goal is not reached for I have no time to practice them on the usual challenge.
7. I got 434522 ranks if I remember it well. There were at least forty to eighty participants per game. I can sleep in peace for having tried to increase my verbal advantage to cite the annotated bibliography of Jhonson O’Connors Wordsmart Challenge: this is going to make me super-rich someday!
I just raised 84000 grains of rice on Freerice! For every answer you get right, 5 grains go to the UN World Food Programme. Play it here: https://freerice.com/apps
1. At 22:00, tucked in the quilt which I bought in Bangalore, after a nice, memorable walk as streets were almost empty when I was returning, thrillers of vocabulary jams on vocabulary.com as stadium was empty, until the caretaker decided to lock me out, and I went to sit on a bench outside the number two school where I had the most delicious pulav this noon, then I sat outside the number one which I am wont to do listening and lipsyncing to some classic songs.
2. I woke up late after the noon class. I was dreaming a dream which only left vague traces in waking memory: friends, journeys and mysteries.
3. I had snacks which she said were hot but were not. These people are poor. They’re abjectly poor despite a monthly income which exceeds 140 times mine, which is merely my pocket money. I am rich and happy, comparitively. I am not complaining : I am telling you about the quality of life from my viewpoint and it has always been so. My unhappiness was always vicariously felt dread for ignorance of others. My happiness was genuine and mine. Left to myself with a handful of tools which helped mind isolation: I was always happy. I am always happy if people let me be.
4. I scored 3456 ranks on jams. Other than PC, Stephen and Paul have also emerged as winners. I need to practice more to stay in the shape. My bowling has been only five to six overs per day in the last three four days, which means I am not running as much and though it was partially because of elections crowding the stadium and its neighbourhood-it has given my muscles time to recuperate which I being a martinet might not have given. Sometimes martinets become masochists.
5. There are books in the queue. Lori liked my posts and people like her remind me how little I actually read. In my defence: I have to toil hard for pennies. In one of the class I am teaching for five rupees per hour, in another for about ten rupees per hour. It’s only one class which gives me a decent 30 plus rupees per hour. Farmers, labourers and such might complain that they’re not getting to reproduce as many offsprings or not getting as many ganja shots as they need to: I am the one who doesn’t get a good internet connection or enough privacy to watch a movie. No freedom to take leave from work or any decent income job. I am not a slave but my freedom puts so called poor people to shame.
6. Unless I state things clearly: which people want me not to in the name of being primp: I assume responsibility for things which I didn’t create: like living in a strange society: where on one hand I do live below poverty line, OTOH I am not subject to any benefits provided by the government or community because my miserly goblins of parents and relatives would ensure that I am not entitled to any benefits by keeping all my documents and ruining my history. I am the one who took responsibility for being free from slavery. I am free, though not as comfortable as I was just ten years ago.
7. Tenet movie has a version available online which instantaneously produces sleep. I would wait and by then the desire to watch would have died. Neither Nolan’s mistake nor mine. It was the same at the time of Interstellar. I am using a smartphone which was hard earned with a delay of about one year and the internet speed is not better than 2G on most days: though it says it’s 5G. By comparison an average individual in Korea is living in a heaven. This is what it all comes to in the end: countless lifetimes of merits accumulated to give me a birth in a place where I long for a place where I may watch some porn in peace. A good internet connection. How small I really think. Indeed! This is a country of liars. No dreams get fulfilled here!
8. When am I going to get back to reading the constitution of India? Perhaps when it’s time.
1. The guy was wearing glasses. His assistant served me. Then he handed me over the plastic spoon. The assistant was slow. I was in awe of the quality of rice: they looked like Basmati grade. The Chhole curry and plastic spoon. It was only ten rupees per plate! I couldn’t believe my good fortune. It was only on rare festive occasions that such rice was made here in this house and it was always a tense affair here. There, you had it all under a tree, looking at the open sky. When I asked him if I would find him there everyday: he replied in affirmative. He has begun to serve kulcha from today onwards. I really trust him when he says:” I am an artist; glad even if I get my investment back.”
2. Phantom’s song: pehle kyun na mile hum…tanha hi kyun chale hum…was ringing in my ears when I had this plate of pulav. I requested for another plate. This was the best meal of the year after the bread soaked in the sweet milk bought from Neelesh Milk Dairy.
3. It took some time before full import of his words was revealed. I realized that he goes to serve in ceremonies or delivers upon orders. It was mostly for festivals and his everyday practice was to keep him in shape.
4. Shri had to take another test. She had classes for about four hours out of five. I observed her real voice for the first time when she was rooting for marks in the test. I knew that it was hidden somewhere. If she had done her homework it wouldn’t have become a test but the process instilled the meaning of words as well as the technique to learn and retain the meaning.
5. KK finally surrendered. This usually happens with young people and in such cases experience proves to be right. I had issued three books for two girls who didn’t turn up either to read book or to submit the security deposit or fees. Unless I had been prompt: the librarian plus other chains of command would have caught me by my collar and hectored me. Now books are with KK who might read them or return them. It’s not violation of any law of the library.
6. Madam secretary put some oil into the lock and it worked. Her practical intelligence is immense in that sense. She can drive tractor, stitch, attend prayer meetings, speak English, Oriya, Bengali and she has clairvoyant powers as well.
7. Sprinklers in the field need study. I read a story by Munshi Premchand. It was titled “Prarabdh.” It was from the collection of 23 stories named “Mansarovar.” The story felt much better than the one I read yesterday. Yesterday’s story was by Tagore. I feel Tagore was a better poet than a storyteller or maybe I have read very little of him. I had his Geetanjali in my college days which I used to show to every visitor. This story by Premchand has its protagonist going through various delirious states and delusions before finally committing suicide. The story was chosen by me at random, like yesterday’s, and yet they both highlighted importance of destiny and inbetween life and death when intelligence becomes subtle and delusions strike.
7. I bowled thirty times. The stadium hardly had ten or twelve people when I reached and I could practice peacefully.
1. It’s only the second time: the team red scored -685 points. Total number of people who played: 45.
2. I finally emerged as a HUGE leader after scoring like these:
222223431
3. Those second ranks were mostly when that guy PC from Massachusetts was scoring straight A’s. I could have bickered about buses, mopeds and police here in the stadium but I accepted my defeat.
4. Claire took over the reigns for one game before we entered into the negative energy : me emerging as victorious with the leadership of less negative a team and a HUGE advantage over runner up.
5. That was after I had a sandwich. All chat shops are crowded: some tea shops are thriving because of electoral process.
1. Brijesh met after the last time announcement: “it has become very black…now let it become brighter.” The comment was loud, like a jibe, to a Sardar who was standing near a JIO stall just besides Veena Omkar’s newly furnished house. This time around we shaked hands. He asked for the contact number but I wanted to ensure if he recalled the event in which he became a bridge on which I drove my bicycle. He nodded and said there were many fond memories. Then upon being asked he told about his gas agencies, biggest gym in city and some other enterprise. It means he’s an entrepreneur. I once borrowed a book on magic from him. We were in class third or fourth then. I also went as far as bus stand : walking alone to buy a book on magic in my early childhood. I was as adventurous and fearless then as I am now.
2. The chapter on Albert Einstein was named “A truly beautiful mind…” It had some points where Einstein was funny or humane but it was mostly a gifted individual: a Scorpion researcher and a Piscean cusp. His exalted Venus and Debilitated Mercury are highlighted even in his birthday: 5 as root number and 6 as life path number. Five is ruled by Mercury whereas 6 is ruled by Venus. Methodical uneven.
3. Got my head shaved. It was a relief. I saw a book by Dalai Lama on introduction to Buddhism and Tantric meditation. I also read some portions from Shri Aurobindo’s biography. The barber was emphasizing the importance of earning at least three hundred rupees per day and I told him I was not getting that much. He also didn’t have any income yesterday.
4. Spotify advertisement: mutual funds and premium versions of the app. One of the ads has so many uses of “we” by a single subject that you feel bored. Then as advertisement is over: infomercial telling you about there being no advertisement for next thirty minutes takes another ten seconds : the ad before the ad opened also took the same amount. Ultimately: ads ad nauseum. But there’s no exception.
1. After taking the permission to enter into the kitchen to drink couple of glasses of water, I drank it and cleansed the glass: then, before coming to library I reported it to the secratary who was showing some seeds to the head of the trust. I had to report it because it was necessary. If working in corporate culture taught me anything it was : showing off and reporting every little odd thing you do. It keeps you relevant else you are forgotten sooner than you think. Her Capricorn smile made me feel that it was not required to report but I felt I did the right thing. It was a lot of garbage as theater guys don’t do any cleansing. You find scraps of paper, newspapers, cold drinks, coffee pouches and whatnot inside the library. It’s a good riddance that they are gone for now but they’ve left a lot of stuff behind. They might be back with another show.
2. Shri would attend the class only by 12 which meant I could sweep and register a few books and do this quick post as well.
3. The police and other staff members related to election commission have surrounded the stadium and school number one. Every square foot has police and it’s crowded. It’s the month of Scorpion: the Sun along with Venus is debilitated in the Samaya but Moon is exalted with the North node in the sign of Bull. The South node is exalted in the sign of Scorpion dictating terms with retrograde rays from Jupiter’s own sign which is also the Jaimini Atmakaraka in the sign of Scorpion in navamansa.
Library: facing West! Left is Right. Right is Wrong.
4. I had a cold bread pakoda outside the first classroom. The fruit salad was meagre and tasteless: a waste of twenty rupees. I recall days when I used to have fruit salad in Cognizant auditorium or in Minal residency. My good fortune was too short lived so I need to keep going back to memories.
5. Poha thela was crowded with policemen and it would have taken me ten minutes before I got a plate inside my body.
6. Alternate nostril breathing and twelve balls: only this much time was available though I had a good breakfast in morning.
7. Where have the vocabulary jammers gone is a mystery to me. I plan on watching a science fiction movie but then change it because not many decent movies are available.
8. I need to buy a lock for library. Another twenty or forty rupees of expenditure. I bought two disposable pens worth five. It’s important to find time to play vocabulary quiz on Free Rice site.
1. Since Piyush went to his village with his mom: I was left with extra couple of hours. I tried playing vocabulary jams but my getting first or second ranks consistently as there were only 12 to 13 players on most of them made me bored.
2. I decided to watch a science fiction movie. I put the phone to charge and got some rest. As I was taking rest I thought about finding my romantic thread and publishing it here. It’s a story which makes me wiser everytime I write it. It’s made of delusions.
3. Now I can say: I created this blog to anonymously continue to publish things which were not related to previous blogs. Soon I gained enough confidence to integrate it with previous blogs.
4. Gaslighting reached to an extent in my life that offline and online was same. People mostly disliked me or they had a very odd way of expressing their fondness : I am infamous. Despite being humble as far as my possessions and income are concerned.
5. Police, shamans, tantrikis and healers know me the most though not in that very order. Secret police is always after me.
6. I can say: Gandhi took at least sixty years of his life to reach a clarity where he could publish about his most private affairs: like sleeping with his grandniece as an experiment for his celibacy (citation Wikipedia) : not that it was liked by his closest staff members. Not that it was really a success but mere admission was an accomplishment in an indian subcontinental setting.
7. I achieved that by the age of 35. And I understand that Gandhi was very popular. I am not as popular. Perhaps I am known only to a fraction of number of people who knew Gandhi : yet I think there was no indian with a greater courage to admit one’s foibles. To clarify: I didn’t sleep with any grandniece or niece or such but I was able to publish online most of my private life without hesitation.
8. I think Buddha’s four noble truths: like the four noble truths in Jainism emphasize on “admission of problem” in the first step. Admission of guilt or shame or confessions is important. The first step to solve a problem is to recognise the problem.
9. Albert Einstein said that he would take 55 minutes to find the problem : its root and then only 5 minutes will be enough to solve it. If an hour is given to solve a problem : which approach is better than it?
10. Confessions; as in Christianity and the first noble truths in Jainism as well as Buddhism are regarding nature of problems: psychoanalysis emerges from it.
11. One fundamental problem is: religion is based on a foundation of there being more life, goodness, light and positivity than negativity. Is that true? That’s upto you to decide. Same with Science.
12. When I was depressed: I kept an online journal on my laptop. There: some hackers caught hold of it and took me to a shaming room merely to make me feel guilty. In the long run they all failed. I came out stronger and healthier. I can say: I did a good thing but: you shouldn’t do it unless you’re hundred percent sure: and you can never be. Jean Jacques Rousseau to Gandhi to Tolstoy there have been countless thinkers who published about their character. It’s putting yourself in the hands of angels and demons. I assumed: since they were hackers they must be wise enough to understand that all religions are make believe dreams. They have their values but not any ultimate value.
13. Now: coming back to the thread of romance as it’s Autumn. I am a bachelor. I never married nor am I planning to get married. Moreover: I never had any sexual intercourse in my life. I produced no offsprings nor do I plan to produce any.
14. I did have some hanky-panky but it was once when I was too young: seven years old: must be angels or demons experimenting on poor kids. Second it was when I was working: I thought an obese girl could become a supermodel by the power of love. I was wrong. I invited much negativity later on and suffered which wasn’t directly related to hanky panky but the parting girl said: “you used me.” I told her:” we both used each other; don’t mislead the narrative.” Which version of narrative remained with her out of our dillydallying is not known to me.
15. It took me ten years to regain my fitness. My family members had left me penniless to imagine of any romance. I could only romance with sweepers, maid servants, grandmothers and like. Romancing essentially means: taking your loved ones to dinner etcetera and then to bed. I couldn’t afford any of that. Romance was dead for me. What remained was: watching porn and chatting with girls or women who were either a scam or bots. That also consumes energy but teaches you faster about Nirvana.
16. Online affairs were later: after my awakening: therefore they merely sounded like “forced creation of narratives by multiple parties.”
17. One peculiar nature of these affairs was their resurgence: despite there being no hope they kept coming back. Love was always there. It was romantic love I was talking about. It became a stronger and stronger yearning towards reality or godhead but it had many affairs.
18. In witness sense: it was Mara’s net. In a positive sense: it was my way out of depression.
19. I kept reading some poets: realizing that I could neither be loyal to any one of them nor I was seeking any commitment. I realized after a while that they were mostly looking for people who might inspire their verses on which they might make money by selling books.
20. I was too cut-off from money making business because I had signed up for spiritual stuff which advocated minimalism. It became too much after a point when I realised that spiritual and material were not that far removed from each other and being too much of a minimalist wasn’t possible with the people I was living with. They didn’t value renunciates.
22. I would marry someone who is: absolutely attractive, absolutely intelligent, absolutely absolute, an equal to me in every aspect but not more than me. Someone who can put all noises, ghosts, hungry people and magicians and goblins to silence forever. Only two of us dedicated to each other without any progenies or world. No deformation, no decay, no death or aging. Unless that’s a given: I need no romance or marriage. Jerking off to Korean, Chinese, Spanish porn is excellent! As long as that’s feasible. I might write an article convincing you about the merits of porn. It’s already exalted in Indian temples and scriptures. Why not admit it clearly. I was contemplating whether to write a long article about my porn history or my romantic failures. I chose the latter.
23. With this current demigod status: marriage is impossible for me. Even a decent romance needs me to be at least as rich as a Bill Gates. That’s also next to impossible. And think about it: to earn wealth to realize that you haven’t conqured aging, decay and diseases like Vallalar or other Jnana Siddhars did: it’s better to seek that completely rather than to search for a romance which is mostly : obese girls trying to sell their novels(or books of poetry) or someone taking pity on you.
24. Online romance: I could hardly believe my eyes when I saw Izza Ifzaal writing verses on my private life. Whether it was a synchronicity or a delusion or dark net or her clairvoyance: it created temporary romance which I couldn’t afford to. Then I found many people writing about me or trying to attract my attention one way or the other. Some clearly admitted that I was an inspiration for their articles. That made me feel important like never before! Things haven’t changed in five years. I am only more aware of traps : booby or otherwise: then Kristina, Shine Ferrer, Devika, Nandita, Sameera, Rishuu, smouldering words: they all seemed to use either my gullible nature or something else to make me believe that there was some romance somewhere. Devika’s case was most strange : not because I merely wanted it to be: Shine Ferrer chatting with me on Facebook talked about her while I was reading Izza Ifzaal and I clearly told her that she was out of my league. But as a mystery worth being searched : I tried my best to investigate and found that she was also looking to make a living off of me like rest of them: like my parents and siblings. She along with Varjak Baby taught me some lessons about being selfish.
25. That sums up honorable mentions online. Offline it was: Swati in college who was a delusion as per my friends. Monika and Richa are happily married and they’re as happily married as Ravneet is. These are real names. I spent considerable time with those two because Saurabh was involved. Saurabh the Vyasa had incarnated to teach me a lesson or two. He’s happily married too.
26. The school life had co-ed but nuns of Christ were too harsh to allow you any romance. Rest of it was covered by my parents. They still take sexual potency pills but ensured that their children had no romance in their lives.
27. There used to be flying planes with notes on them: love notes. That was the extent of romance. Being a nerd helped as long as you performed. In my brief corporate life: the seniors always had more lucrative packages. As told before: the design by archons here is to make more and more healthy males to fight for a handful of girls. Win the trophies. By my reckoning: I see at least two hundred males per single beautiful girl and twenty to twenty five males per mediocre girls.
28. Ranjana had asthma. She worked out in gym and married to a Sikh who worked hard to build his body. They had both settled in USA. I didn’t find her to be attractive. She was from Bengal and Bihar. She was educated and we shared a lot of time with each other as co-workers. She told me that IAS officers in Bihar were willing to marry her. I couldn’t believe my eyes. That’s the kind of society we have made. It’s a pity. Perhaps it was always like this: a make-believe. I am happy that I was saved. I was made a demigod and in time I might gain pure body of gnosis and bliss.
29. If anyone: whose names are given in this article feel offended: let me know in the comments and their names would be removed. If they want to sue me: I am already penniless : merely getting my day-to-day food by teaching tuitions which are hard to come by despite my being a demigod. If you are still interested in taking revenge: let me know when you are going to strike.
1. It’s 17:35 when I sat writing this note after having bowled forty times. It makes ninety balls today. Moderation has kept my knees from not hurting as much as they were.
2. I had a nice nap this noon despite the Bundelkhandi hammers.
3. PWD people are doing something in the middle of the ground. There are at least ninety four wheelers and many two wheelers inside the ground but not as many people: this space is being used like parking lot as it’s a Friday market. As I entered the ground I felt like i was entering a bus stand.
4. It’s the full Moon of Bhagvata fame. Nectar fame. Autumn being most truthful of seasons and most beautiful: tells about the ambrosia which confers freedom from aging, decay and death. Vallalar was born on the full Moon day in 1823. Kripaluji was born on full Moon day in the twentieth century : but they were both born on this day and on the fifth of October. Vallalar declared victory over death, decay, aging and slavery. After composing his final 101 verses as an offering to Natarajan: vast effulgence of Grace: which was synonymous with his own being, he disappeared leaving a fragrance of camphor in Siddhivalagam. It’s accepted as a historical fact. Kripaluji didn’t reach those heights but he had an impeccable learning and a memory which made him able to spontaneously quote from scriptures as he delivered sermons. I saw his body becoming white pure light when I was in Vrindavan. He died in mysterious circumstances at an age of 95. I went to attend the buffet after his death ceremony. Prem Mandir.
5.
Sharad Purnima, 2020
6. Ashvini Kumaras bearers of nectar, incarnations of godhead are presiding deities who heal. Twins also represent Gemini and Narayana who along with Nara has been worshipped as primordial sage or ultimate destiny of mankind. Ketu rules the asterism. Jupiter, Venus and Saturn ruled the day. Vajra sceptre Yoga. Jupiter retrograde Atmakaraka.
7. The B.Ed. exams are also being conducted here. Couple of people asked me for directions.
8. I should play a jam or two for mosquitoes are harassing me!
Dancing light of grace 