Tocsin teredo
Toxin two kids
Two squirrels
Alarm bells
Seven sisters
Seven sages
Ten pages
Gaping holes
Ping pong balls
The End
The End!
Light, Camera, Sound and Action!
1. There was a report about multicolored monoliths appearing at various places. It reminded me of Stanley Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey.
2. While developing models for study of life and students I began with journey, game, school, dream and war models. Yesterday, at the conclusion of ceremony organized by Madhya Pradesh Hindi Literature Unit, the anchor recited a verse to mean that it is a journey and we shall meet again. I recalled Rumi’s Caravan.
3. In the play model: lights, sounds, camera and action is an often repeated pharse. It tells you about primary foundation of play as a model similar to any other models.
4. Light can be of many types. Sunlight, Moonlight which is a reflection of Sunlight or electrical light, electromagnetic light, biochemical light as produced by fireflies and finally the dancinglightofgrace.
5. Sounds can be of many types. Heard word is either produced by collision or without collision. The one with collision has a physical presence of objects in your vicinity whereas the other one is an echo. It might be an extrasensory perception. These can be humane or natural. Artificial or divine or demonic.
6. The logos is inner sounds. It’s written word for those who live in Truth realm universe. If there’s no erroneous hearing : it can also be heard word.
7. Whether seeing is believing or hearing is believing or it’s more complex than that: decides what takes you to your true home in the Truth realm universe in your journey.
8. Witness is camera. It’s knowledge without judgement until it’s a must. It’s forgiveness. It’s Akashic records.
9. Action is Karma or doing or movement of energy which always returns to harmony or higher order. In case of individuals who live in the truth realm: a higher order replaces the chaos which is replaced by smaller and smaller chaos towards higher and higher orders.
10. Without firm conviction given by gnosis you can’t be at peace. It’s akin to bliss of deep sleep. The duality is always a play between the opposites, a zillion shades of contrast. Nonduality can’t be traced, found or pinpointed to . Reality is a mystery and yet this solipsistic Nonduality can find harmony in artistic expression of sublime beauty. As you contemplate and focus identities, the pinholes through which light, sound, camera and action activates the psyche or universal mind, brings them to light of awareness, you realize that every identity is a complete perfection interevolving with other identities into a higher perfection which is novel in its expression yet in keeping with the foundation.
11. A universe comes into being with every identity and as this identity keeps growing in truth, knowledge and bliss it overlaps other identities. It enters into mind of others and others come into its mind which is actually universal mind. Both of them interdependent and arising conditionally. As long as characters engross you they’re given reality by your light which activates them. It’s more complex than mere desire to enjoy, witness or control because it’s above all: desire to be or exist or live. Beyond it there’s neither desire to live nor to not live, which is actually its natural contrast as love and hatred accompany each other.
12. All this for me? Yes. Only for you. There’s no one else but you!
Time can’t heal timeless wounds!
1. Walked 80 minutes and played vocabulary jams on vocabulary.com. Walking without bag on back is easier. It is possible to complete marathon by using walk and run approach in turns. One of the challenges is to wake up in time on the day of marathon. My heels have cracks and toes have injuries and bruises because of excessive walking. But it’s not new. Time can’t heal timeless wounds.
2. Received 1123124 ranks but not in that order. Moon wasn’t visible today.
3. I own all the images. Though it used to be useless. Who owns what and for how long, yadda yadda.
4. PC and Stephen were missing today. Vimal Rajendran, Yang and another guy whose name is difficult to spell played well.
5. Got shaved. Had to borrow ten rupees. Returned 5 rupees that i had borrowed from the PUBG guy. The game got banned but memories are enough to run a mobile restaurant for youth!
6. We had some discussion in library. I didn’t know it rained in New Delhi. The clouds increased temperature here.
7. Made 100 rupees as a freelancer towards a job which was not completed. Learned to use Paytm. The call which was supposed to last 20 minutes took 2 hours 20 minutes. In 2011 i published a half-baked treatise named ‘A Cookbook For Genius’ on a freelancing site which gave me 25 coins. Then i had a full time job in Cognizant Technology Solutions and yet i couldn’t earn as a freelancer. People from Nigeria and other African countries quoted such low prices that they were immediately hired. I was new. I don’t know how long i can continue but once i am out of this pit i would never be able to forget how deeply entrenched i had become here because of these ancient relationships. You think they’re resolved but complexes keep coming to surface until your identity gets completely changed or you become all-in-all.
Twilight Sunday!
1. The open mic had an entry fee of thirty rupees. It had a banner of Madhya Pradesh Hindi Sahitya Unit.
2. The person who invited me to sit laughed hysterically when i told him about the alcohol smell.
3. He had no handkerchief.
4. Parrots are returning to nests.
5. Birds are chirping sweetly. Another twilight comes to an end. It has been an eventful day. Yesterday i couldn’t receive the first rank on vocabulary jams but got a job offer. Today I got a virtual payment of 100 rupees.
6. The PC guy looks like Bourbon and Cigars guy. But like my other romances he will remain anonymous. Bourbon and Cigars was from Japan whereas this guy is from MIT. If i am grateful for company of any people in 2020: it’s these illuminati: PC, Vishnu Ram, Stephen and Claire G.
7. After the marathon i would get time for bowling. I still wear the cap with 232 number and it’s a memory of events which had significance then. Virtual significance.
8. A Tohu Verse to celebrate the twilight:
Karaokeyholemmingdynastylusufructifyinyanglerratamarinderpestuaryemenfranchisedramatistorehousemipiternaltazimuthornpikemiambiconicosineinsofficiousouturemnanthillockramsesimpsonsingularitzygottenettlesomeshugameplangentrystutgaardramatistintincturenegadeaconnostockademantoidiodeodiumlautarkrakenneagrammatonoesisisamalmseymorelevantenna
Why do always keep earplugs in ear?!
1. Who fucked whom and how many times is none of my business.
2. When they fired the bullet which entered the hut a policeman was called who was given a copy of Mangal Prabhat by the helper in office. There was another helper.
3. They said, upon being asked by the policeman that salary would be revealed in private.
4. Khaadi costs more than tshirts available for 100 or 150 per piece. Did Gandhi envision this? He lived luxuriously fasting as and when he pleased with plenty of honey to kill thousands of bees.
5. The helper later told me he received 3000 rupees per month.
6. The secretary obviously received more than that. Librarian got 3000 per month plus roti which he took in secret from kitchen.
7. I asked secretary in the last month of last year about her salary: 3000 rupees per month. She has been my employer but the facts didn’t tally. Why did helper mislead about their income?
8. When once in crisis: i asked helper’s brother about staying in the place: he said i would get 7000 rupees. It’s impossible to get more than secretary. Tez got only 3500 despite his multitalented multitasking.
9. Maybe secretary being selfless took less than helpers. Maybe it was never about money like it’s here with greedy government employees. Maybe it all doesn’t matter as i get full plate of food for ten rupees in Deendayal rasoi. Potatoes and Bhata.
10. Despite my requests they never shared the periodicals with me. The journalist who visited on December 13th said clearly that though periodicals weren’t in circulation recently they were there. Since i have been the most consistent reader in library in the years 2020 and 2018 it was obvious that I should have been privy to journals. But who knows: I might be a snitch working for someone in disguise. Might spill beans.
11. The new books are for sell to rich doctors. Poor people don’t get access to library while many books get termite. Nobody has time to read. One day i am an administrator, the next day i am a farmer, the next day an aristocrat or a naturopath or a teacher. Whatever saves my day, my people, my skin, myself, my truth. I have no skin, no self, no people, no truth.
Preparing For Bundelkhand Marathon 2021 Part Three!
1. I walked and ran for about 90 minutes and kept playing vocabulary jams yesterday evening. Wind was furious and Moon looked pale red. There were four cows and a mule and later, to my surprise, five guys joined who left after spreading some garbage in the name of new year celebrations.
2. I enjoyed playing with PC and Vishnu Ram. It’s an honor to play with such wonderful players. Stephen and Paul were also there.
3. Took some pictures which create a series:
I own my images, words and ideas, both here and on Blogger’s World.
4. I can complete marathon even at my normal walking speed. I can walk even a 40 kilometres marathon, therefore winning by running faster is not an issue. It’s merely endurance training.
23122020
1. Registered 48 titles. It became fun in the later half as the chorus joined in.
2. Deendayal Rasoi Day 11. Five rupees plate was enough.
3. A boy came in the library asking if the cows are sold here. After making it sure that they’re not: I told him so.
4. I listened to a program in which an expert heard problems of farmers and told them the solutions for them.
5. A Tohu Verse to celebrate the occasion:
Farmercurialtabanidittowardsnowonoospheremitemeritzygottenetsukeeleewaywardentisticklerrataplangentrystylustrousumptuousievestibuleukamiambictusuturestintegermanematodemantoidiademedianemonewtonoteworthymustardolittlemonadeutronomyuletideaconnostockademisemihemiquaverisimilitudeedeemedianuchanuchenrezigzagzigguratbaggeryemensurationoisomenneagrammatonotationionoilyricallymphoneyesmennobledeleteriousiestasisaltarraitallynchpincenezenincompooperandampersandarackknowledgedeltalcommercesernerdyadodderingumshoeuvrevvuueinsofussiladeucecumeninzanyhowlingastronomicaltazimuthompsonnetizentrancementedeltamarinderpestuaryoululatenebrifictionictitatensensententiousinclairdictumutteredragonfalchion
Voltaire or Maxim Gorky?
1. Bowled 6 overs. Chatpati candy were needed to be bought because I needed to return 1 rupee change to Ashish. I had received 40 rupees from him towards the payment for the tally counter which I sold to his shop owner at the rate of 39 rupees. I had ordered for 234 rupees pack on Flipkart. I told him clearly that it’s “Made in China,” with no guarantee.
2. Chatpati candies cost 50 paise per piece. 8 candies I had. Five of them were consumed by me on the playground as I was practicing bowling and two of them were given to Rukman. One of them was given to Vandana who smiled looking at them and said:” shall I keep them, they’re twinkling like silver.”
Here you have a lady who was smiling because of a fifty paise candy. I should return the pen borrowed from her this morning.
3. I never knew Gupta ji had trouble walking until this evening. He made a generous contribution of one stand towards the “Gandhi Library.” We used to debate on some topics some times. He’s extremely right wing. A retired engineer. He remarked on the new tin shade for Goshala towards which I had given no attention so far.
4. That they never shared current periodicals of Gandhi Smarak Nidhi trust with me because I was wearing earphones or not will never be justified. Not in a million years. I explicitly asked for them. Many times. It’s akin to Miss Preeti Pandey only telling about the syllabus for exams to front benchers. She was the daughter of the ex-principal of Maharaja Chhatrasal Autonomous College. She wasn’t loud spoken like other teachers. I assumed she considered me a rowdy as i used to sit on back benches. It continued until sister Haycinth called us in office. Some of our seniors had picked on a habit of distorting name of father of church.
Like the forms of root Baalak:
Baalkah baalkau baalkah
Baalkam Baalkau Baalkaan
Baalken Baalkabhyaam Baalkebhyah
They modified the root ‘father’
Fadram fadrau fadraan
It instantaneously became a superhit.
I was the only one who cried in office. I had never uttered the words but because of the bad company. Sister Haycinth was in love with me. I loved her tests. She was absolutely sincere in tests. She used to make us sit outside of class and never allowed bags. I never cheated. I never needed to. The result is this:
India is my country all indians are my brothers and sisters. They all married their sisters and their progenies are products of incest.
5. In the scheme of the Father, the Son, and the holy ghost: the father is the ultimate God. Here you used to call father those who were ordained by Church.
6. The father Joseph Garvashish had a very long tenure here. Garvashish means “Gracious Pride.” I don’t know what Joseph means. I am open to suggestions.
7. He once made Santosh Kumar Shukla swear by keeping his hand on our heads about being vegetarian. He immediately cowered. That was enough to tell me about his being phony. They were both phonies.
8. Why? You may ask. Sisters of Nazareth versus Fathers of Satna.
He used to beat guys who were naughty. How else would he have been successful in managing guys who had harmonal imbalances?
He used to beat them with punches and kicks and we used to sing praises of our gracious father.
Even sisters used to beat us. All of them were violent. Including Rekha, Maya, Vandana and Dixit sir. Maybe Brijkishore Shukla was never violent as he was a romantic Mathmatics teacher who had passed out from college.
9. Once Joseph Garvashish beat a muslim kid who called his uncle. His uncle had a fight with father and the town inspector was called. The father became sober but never gave up violence.
10. It’s reality. I was interviewed by the principal of Shieling Public School . I took a demo class and told him that I didn’t fit in Sanskar Public School because I can’t beat kids. They’re violent people. Sanskar staff as well as principal. Management guys made kids kneel down when they were laughing on my games. It seemed as if they were laughing on me. On top of that they didn’t pay my salary because they needed a PNB account. I went back to ask for the salary which should have been paid as I had worked for more than 40 days. Spent money on bike’s fuel. The accountant said he would call me but didn’t.
11. Gandhi was inspired by Ruskin Bond. Leo Tolstoy. Joshua Ben Joseph. Harishchandra. Rama. Shravana Kumar.
12. If I am the way, the truth and the life. If I have tasted ambrosia. If I have the water of life: isn’t it popular that to turn the other cheek to your enemies was popularized as Christian impact on Gandhi whereas it might have been Mahaveera actually? Maybe. Maybe both. Jesus lived in India according to Holger Kerstein.
13. Do violent people in these schools mentioned above qualify to profess Christianity? No. Should they be given grants in the name of the only begotten son who let himself be sacrificed? No. What about one who ran with a whip towards the shopkeepers in synagogue? Yes. They’re the ones running the show. They’re the ones who hanged him. They’re the ones who let my articles be published or send them to trash. Within a night more than 60 of my articles reached to trash.
Voltaire is again turning up in his grave!
Narendra Kumar Shukla!
1. Motilal Vora passes away. He was an ex chief minister of Madhya Pradesh. I had heard his name for a long time. My condolences. Peace.
2. As I heard the news of his passing away I stopped to check his horoscope and played Dakshinamurti Strotam on Spotify. I was listening to Prasar Bharati on AIR app as I was bowling in the Shatabdi ground. He had celebrated his ninety third birthday yesterday.
3. He had Moon conjunct Venus in Libra forming a Malvaya Yoga along with many planets in the twelfth house of his horoscope. His Atmakaraka Mercury was in Aquarius indicates maker of tanks etc as per the classic text Brihat Parashara Hora Shastra.
4. It’s a very special exit as far I am concerned because it’s also the shortest day in the longest of years so far. In a few hours it will be the birthday of late Narendra Kumar Shukla. He was born on 22.12.1943. He died on 30.1.1995.
5. Observe the patterns:
His life path number: 6
His demise day path number: 1
Motilal Vora’s life path number: 6
( born on 20.12.1927)
Motilal Vora’s death day path number:
1
Moreover: Narendra Kumar Shukla had a Venus and Moon conjunction in the sign of Libra.
6. Rukmani Devi Shukla was convinced that her husband was reborn as the son of his eldest daughter. I had a nice chemistry with that baby. In fact I was fond of all babies taking good care of them when I was young. But my bond with that guy was very strong. I examined his horoscope and found an uncanny match of Moon sign, Ascendant and Constellations with that of Narendra Kumar Shukla. This to me was a confirmation of reincarnation of Narendra Kumar Shukla. Santosh Kumar Shukla was not convinced with my studies.
7. Narendra Kumar Shukla used to play with me when I was a baby. He was the first one to slap me hard because I didn’t follow his daughter’s suggestion. It was about keeping a tea cup somewhere. He slapped a five year old. He was fond of me otherwise. He was fond of movies and when I asked him after seeing an advertisement in the newspaper if he had watched Don- he told me that he went to a theatre with his friend. He was raised better than me. In richer circumstances. I used to borrow a bicycle for 3 rupees for two-three hours and used to go to Govardhan talkies to watch cheap movies like Waqt Hamara Hai. Mithun Chakraborty movies were getting released every five months in those days and i used to be the only young kid in theatre among all grown ups. Akshay Kumar later followed the same tradition. Being honest about working for money not only made him rich but also made him a much better actor than his Khiladi days when his model image was known only for new type of martial arts which resembled Jackie Chan movies.
8. Gudda had the privilege of watching Mughal-E-Azam with him one night. It was a long movie and when I woke up at about two am to pee: they were still in on it. I was disappointed to have missed that opportunity.
9. I told him that I wanted to become a hero. Not an actor: a hero. Junaid called me a hero once as I was strolling in the organic farm and he was there today. I don’t know how this will be interpreted as anything and everything is interpreted in any way that suits political parties, religious groups and individuals. It’s only a synchronicity hence I mention it without meaning any disrespect to anyone. I was impressed by movies he used to watch in my formative years. These days: especially since 2017: any movie I watch seems like a great burden and costly affair. Earlier I had freedom of watching anything and everything.
10. He told me that there was a switch on the back side of TV. He was going to open that for me and I was going to reach Bombay. Aha! It was one of my dreams in various stages: like my dream to be an army man. I had such a strong resolve that my parents seemed like an enemy when they made me convinced to become a superintendent of police. Then i wanted to become a scientist. Then an IAS officer. “B.E. karke IAS” was the formula given by those privileged uncles. Little did I know about the cults and sacrifices then.
11. Then I wanted to become a doctor for a while as I was interested in Biology more than in Mathematics. They made me change my opinion. I ended up becoming a Programmer Analyst for about three years. Only gainful employment in my life. Now I get a meagre sum of 1000 rupees per month which isn’t enough to buy me necessities of life.
12. This wasn’t about me. This was about a person who called himself Narendra Kumar Shukla. He used to buy lottery tickets. Once, after my examination he came to pick me from school. It was Maria Mata Convent High School. He asked for one “Vikas” and he returned. He didn’t know that I was registered as “Anand Prakash.” He was a Jholachchap doctor. He used to practice medicine without having earned a proper medical training. It was all I heard about him. He was popular and died a violent death in an accident.
13. If you want to summarise events which shaped my destiny in formative years until high school:
A. Accident near Kaali temple which resulted in stitches under knee.
B. Death of grandfather at an age of nine years.
C. Death of Aditi Billore.
D. Not being able to get first merit in either my class, or school or state board in tenth class examination despite getting it in the class 8th.
What did I do which was wrong in the class tenth? Nothing.
Those accidents which killed Aditi, two of her parents, my grandfather, and a part of me as I underwent knee surgery and stayed in a hospital where many people were crying for ten days: they were the main reasons of all negativity in my life. That was merely a beginning.
After coming out of hospital: I told Aditya Dwivedi: “I no longer want to live in this body.”
What do you mean by that?
Why are you talking so negatively?
I had read Geeta. I had read that we leave bodies like we discard garments. It had happened in that accident and I didn’t know that. Ah, i wanted to really discard it immediately.
14. A puppy was lying outside stitching shop as I walked back this evening. Ladies spat outside the house the boy yesterday wearing ‘gap’ tshirt was standing. How did it die? An accident. A group of monkeys came to the organic farm as I was sitting under the eight petalled Ku Klux Klan shade.
15. If I could move out of here: I would immediately move out. Grandfather died a painful death according to one account. He was a violent man. No violent man dies a natural death. Says Laotzu.
In the end was the end!
1. Don’t know how it ends. I am happy to have commented on her posts in a civil manner. It’s a success.
2. I received a coin which had 2017 as its release year as i bought the incense sticks. Crackers were bursting nearby.
3. I bowled 50 times. It was easy to focus on catching and bowling to target but slightly difficult to breathe. I still think it’s the smog they create here on a regular basis. I absorb plenty of that air.
4. I sat in the field for a while as Sun was setting. They were going towards a well. I felt relieved after reading her verse. If our communication was as civil some three years ago: i might have been happier. Old debts. How much of energy, time and effort was wasted in merely being lucid in communication. All people speak different languages. Different groups speak different languages. In the end you’re left with your own version/interpretation of reality. It might be stoic or solipsistic or both. The next step towards civility might be to not expect her to read my posts or to acknowledge them. Not everyone is equally attractive/appealing. People have their priorities.
5. There’s not much worth remembering from this day. A rocket was going South as twilight was getting darker. Just besides the Moon. Then a star popped, silently.
6. Did the tall ladies: two of them in a day mean something in particular? I really don’t know. There’s tonnes of irrelevant information i process on a regular basis.
7. The star on Church gate has a pentagon and five triangles. Though i already commented on that: the bulb is not in the middle of the red pentagon. It’s towards lower right end. The Moon on the top of the shaft is tilted : just like the heads of Jesus and Mary.
Syzygy!
1. Bowled 10 overs. 20 hits.
2. Had some difficulty breathing. The ladies at home burn too much tinder to fill the house with smog. It’s been decades old practice. Might suit you in open spaces.
3. Read and edited some posts.
4. The cement pitch has been cracked open like that patch of sidewalk outside electricity board office.
5. It’s after two days gap i arrive here. Some vitamin number 4. A cat crossed my road after a long time. It went towards West with a thirty degree angle just near the old ITI building.
6. The news is brimming with accidents and traffic jams. Khara maas begins. Khara or Khala means beastly or contaminated. Mala or dirty. It’s the alignment of galactic core with Sun and Earth. Till Makara Sankranti: you have Christmas to celebrate and sleep a lot if they don’t burn wood to create smog.
For a few rupees more!
1. I asked her if she needed my services in the month of December-January. She asked her daughter who told her that she would continue to take classes.
2. Then she told me she needed my services until her exams are over: that’s until March.
3. This conversation took place yesterday afternoon inside library of Gandhi Smarak Bhavan at about two o’ clock. There were only three of us.
4. It was second such conversation after our conversation under banyan tree. Since then: i have taught her some 400 words, played at least 20 games on Free Rice site with her to help her augment her vocabulary. Also helped her learn creation of Vocabulary jams on vocabulary.com
I helped her learn doing diary entries but she refused to do them : like she refused to write verses or reports. An assignment to compare Meera/Arukka Mahadevi/Andal was given. It was from her book and she didn’t do it repeatedly for at least five days until i helped her with it in class. It was easy to do. She is smarter than other students i have taught so far but not anywhere near what my ‘ideal’ student would be like.
Her mother overlooks my reports about her not working enough on assignments. But when i am questioned for teaching her words in the most scientific way: she begins arguing and questions my integrity.
5. The last time around i was helping her with the vocabulary jams on vocabulary.com : a notification from her school comes on Whatsapp.
“You need to attend a test.”
6. Her school, her parents and others don’t have a sense of schedule or time when it comes to learning. I have to ask her three questions everyday:
A. Do you want to take class today?
B. Did you do your homework?
C. What do you mean by 5 minutes? Would you come for class at the appointed time which keeps changing at your convenience? It’s usually 20 to 30 minutes delay everyday.
7. They take the teacher for granted because there’s the teacher: punctual and always available. Selling himself short. Content.
8. All that for a mere 1000 rupees!
Image credit: Self, inside Gandhi Smarak Bhavan.
Dancing light of grace 