1. The best of celebrations was a decade ago. They so arranged it that i was left with her and her.
2. It was serene. An Italian restaurant. Monika. The boys didn’t come on a pretext.
3. She was there for two birthdays in a row. Once i was washing clothes using washing machine when she called exactly at 12:00. It had never happened before and i wasn’t expecting it. The next one was in that restaurant. Pasta. Second best after the pasta made by Ramona Skovroneck.
4. I asked Vibhuti to lend me her mascara(eyeliner, kohl.) Then they took the best picture. Three of us. Not just one. She remarked on my transformation because of her(Monika not Vibhuti) influence. Only half of story…her half.
5. By the end of November 2011 it had all changed. Dark magic. These witches were calling me. My merits were too short-lived. A decade of struggle and pain with kabbalists after a 2.5 years of heaven…semi heaven. Lower middle class to middle middle class to below poverty line. What a waste of a life indeed!
6. By 2017 i had grown accustomed to stale porridge. The dark duo had eaten up all my space . These were people who promised of happiness and respect when they called upon me. Sadly they were charlatans waiting to avenge upon someone who escaped their daily grind of greed and cruelty to a place of pilgrimage.
1. A man with shoes, wearing a white kerchief stares for a long time…moves away as i ask. He appeared after my last post was published.
2. A blind man catches hold of me just outside the post office. He requests me to put address of an institution where he’s going to take admission in Indore on an envelope he has:
BCM heights, Vijay Nagar, 452010(Atmalochan Parisar, scheme number 54, Behind Bombay Hospital)
Mahesh Drishtiheen Kalyan Sangh
3. I put the address on envelope and he takes me before the counter where Akanksha sits.
4. Next he asks me to give him twenty rupees for fare. I had a fifty rupees note which is used to buy a tea which he drinks as we chat, a peanut snack which we share and then a sandwich followed by a bread packet. My wallet is empty again. My net worth zero.
5. The man told his name to be Vinod Pateria. He is a priest. His father gave all his ancestral property to his elder brother and none of it to him. He lives in Rampur.
6. I had a strong deja vu inside post office. It is only the second time after 2016 November when i went to put a parcel for Pawan Gupta. I felt as if it was the same person who appeared in form of Ashutosh or Bharatendu previously. Is it Indra or Shiva personified or merely my wishful thinking?
1. She alighted from an e-rickshaw. I was walking with my gaze into ethereal shrine. I had a hunch: it might be her. She was waiting for someone.
2. I could have done it some other day. Why not now? To be genuine in my salutation for once.
3. She was wearing a white saari and she had grey hair with freckles on her cheeks. What I paid attention to, in particular, was the dot. The red bindi on her forehead.
4. She asked me how I was doing and i mirrored that with words. She asked me about my current job and my educational qualifications. I told her. Then she asked me about why I quit the job. Before I could complete: she said I would get more tuitions. You have started : you would get work in time.
5. I had heard her conversation with a student of hers. It was a long ago. I went to take her permission for something. The student was telling her : “I feel as if you don’t love me.”
But I love you and all others. Don’t ever think like this.
The student felt good.
She explicitly asked him to touch her feet.
6. I was baffled. Her love was wierd to say the least.
7. Satya Prakash was fond of mocking the sounds of her slaps. She used to beat naughty ones.
8. Myopia and hypermetropia ever remained the highlight of my study under her supervision. Kuldeep Shukla.
9. She ever remained a mystery.
10. Her hobby was Mathematics. On Sunday she used to practice Mathematics. She became a librarian like Laotzu. I thought I saw a look alike of Laotse outside JK cyber cafe. Previous one was in Vrijpura.
11. The student who touched her feet took Saurabh Singh to our section of MMHS and asked him to show one flying kick as he was learning karate.
I was wondering why it was such a big thing for I could do that. Gyanesh Chaturvedi had taught me kingrykick.
12. I used her dots till the end of the infinity. If someone implanted suggestions in me: it was her. Grammar. She was a grammarian and mathematician. She knew Hindi and English. If someone could be called hypatia of Maria Mata it was her. Her name is Rekha and there’s no parallel to her. Do parrallel lines meet at infinity? Her name was Rekha and she played with dots.
13. She triggered the avalanche of tears on our farewell day. I saw a tear in corner of her eyes as Ruchi was giving the parting speech. Ah, how could I have seen that. I would have cried in private but she made it a vidaai samaroh. When it comes to crying RudraAcademy always gets the first prize. Natarajan Pencils : champions once again!
15. A Sanskrit dictum says: good people appear harsh but they’re soft inside: like coconut. Others are like plums : soft only on outside. She could teach Sanskrit as well.
16. I saw Neelima and Maya mam in a dream recently and it resulted in meeting her.
1. 11533: my rankings on jam despite only few people being present. Sudip C might be the one from Hall of Fame. I should check the status in the hall now.
2. I was tired but kept reading. Utensils have piled. I need to wash at least fifteen of them by tomorrow. The pull-ups were the point at which the caretaker of stadium asked us to not hang on basketball pipes. Piyush did it first when I was talking about the conjunction of causal and gross body bringing harmony in mind as well. It’s the secret of 1 and 3 or the thirteenth dimension: consider the gross body which you have right now to be the number one or consider it to be the causal body. Now consider the most subtle body of gnosis or the dancing light of grace or Cosmic Microwave Background or the visual snow: between these two: the bridge is musical pranav or subtle body or nameless name. When the first and the third work together: it’s life or birth. When they don’t work in harmony with each other: it’s death or sleep or swoon.
3. The convulsions or fainting or fever are the signs of death. The fear is sign of death. Fearlessness is given by harmonious interaction of first and the third. Death has to be practiced on a daily basis like life: it’s like losing your ball or balls or bat or bats or tool or tools or privileges or friends or family or relatives or courage. There may be a hundred examples. Death is change: change is flux. Life and death are continuum. You’re immortal: free from death, decay or aging.
Reference: Third Canto of Bhagvata: Siddheshwar Kapil Maharshi.
4. I narrated the handpump events to him. Couple of them: one near Excellence school VIP gate and the other near Boodha village. Atma Pariyojna. This was one of the miracles which confirmed the Tibetan Book of Dead (living and dying)
5. Dadhichi who gave his (bones) body for Indra’s army, when they needed to kill the demon Vrittasura: was an epitome of sacrifice for a good cause. He was reluctant. They convinced him. He was calm and didn’t even know when his body fell. You take your whole environment with you: therefore you never perceive the changes in the dimension. That’s why death and time which take form of diseases like Corona keep frightening you. What are you afraid of when you are everything.
How many deaths does it take to dream? —-Aakriti Kuntal.
The death of which the world is afraid is the cause of greatest of complete bliss in my mind: Kabir the mystic poet.
Die oh Yogi die : death is sweet. Die the way Gorakh the stubborn dies.
2. Egyptian mysteries have been here all along. I know now how pyramids were built. And how the Tajmahal and other forts or empires were built. I know by the grace of the dancing light.
3. I saw the play of balls. Ramalinga Swami Paradesi the prophet was the most authentic among authors who told how he achieved adept status. I had been through many cycles learning and forgetting but now consolidated wisdom says I must credit the sage Vallalar.
4. I went to the Cricket academy and after four days I was allowed to play for a few minutes with kids there. I had a good time walking in the stadium as it was in 2017 when I was studying knights of Templar. Thereafter I could never enter the stadium for two days in a row. The police van coloured blue said bye and came back today.
5. I have a better understanding of archetype necessary to feel free. I understand parallel evolution of worlds material and spiritual and this dance of gnosis doesn’t leave me. The internet or the fifth wave of interconnections is the grand revealation which was foretold by the Wachowski brothers.
6. Dreams have been fulfilled and I have been working in more capacities than I was aware of.
1. Saint Peter’s Royapuram is the green colour t-shirt worn by the cyclist on my way to evening job. I had seen such shirt during the lockdown phase one and now it’s only the first time after that. I greeted the old man who said he had bought it and knew nothing about it. Would look up Royapuram when I have time for it.
2. Before that a jeep full of people stopped me to ask the address of someone I didn’t know. The boy in the middle signalled me to lift my mask up. We all know it’s a charade. Another boy, a young boy with black mask does the role before me to compensate: though he knows that I would never need him to do that.
3. The student who has seen at least four big events in a month of our classes told about another quarantined clinic in his vicinity with a big question about why there was no news.
4. The street beginning from Maria Mata to old ITI was busiest today in the slot I returned from work. That’s in the last one month or so. Most of them were young people with rude language shaking gutka pouches. Why not; it’s the beginning of the month of virgin Mary as per the lunar calendar. Bhadrapada ends.
5. The kid made tea despite my asking him to not. He was talking about web history and making signs with left hand which looked like jerking off. Since he’s a teenager I can understand. He shows me pull ups and I tell him that at once I could do 18 pull ups in one set. Not anymore.
6. After having acquired the habit of shaking feet for some reason the young lady was sleepy again, therefore, I had to make her walk a bit which resulted in her measuring her height and she bumped her head into an electric switch as I was reading a book while the wire curled itself around the fan spindle. It was making an eerie sound while her mother was taking bed rest due to typhoid. I was slightly embarrassed to ask for an advanced payment but I had no monies honestly. And as she told me that she was going to take the healing from shaman in a village with her maid I spent about a minute listening to her. Why not. If I spend time writing about one of the employers I should do so for others as well. It’s only fair.
7. Grandpa with beard was there and the youngest sibling. The elder brother wanted to get feedback on the newspaper article where he was measuring the size of Okra with Kerala uncle whose family members uttered something to mean “Periya Puranam.” I recalled Ramalinga Paradesi. I knew about events beforehand but the cement laden laughing guy marking it twice for the kirana store was picking lines from an old blog. It was not mind reading and if it was I wonder why instead of spending so much on elaborate dramas they don’t pay me straightaway and we walk different ways.
8. The Chodron: Tibetan term. I love China. China is not my country but they do have beautiful women. If it’s because of eating snakes or snacks doesn’t matter to me. I closed my eyes for two minutes as the tea stall manager was arranging and the guy remarked : some people are so heavy that they can’t manage their own weights. Pay attention to the heavyweight. He was paid for he parked the truck where its pipe was throwing smoke in my face. I shifted my chair but his truck should be fined for pollution. The other guy who had a Shikha asked me if I was on a government duty. I said no. Then he further kept showing his big nose by being busybody nosegay margay grimalkin. I was thinking about riding a truck when it happened. And a deja vu.
9. The day was ruled by Venus, Rahu and Saturn. The tall guy in the town hall did look like a new one and I minded my mask lest they stop my passage for water balls. Samosa sellers are killing us poor people for they cost 15 rupees for two samosas and 10 rupees for one. It’s better to buy 4 chapatis from the shop librarian buys them from. He had pawned his radio for bread and a certain CM Mahauri was visiting him as a journalist when I refused to entertain him he didn’t manifest. I tried to taste my samosas well for I might not be able to afford them any longer. Bye bye Gopal Samosa agency.
10. An association for tutors who hike prizes. The day was eventful. Silent morning crowded evening. Somehow this city is the only city out of 52 cities in this state to have received least amount of rains: suggestion: look at the recent pictures of priests in Bhaskar where the water is touching the second or third step. I didn’t have time to visit the lake so bats came looking for me. Similarly: how come BMC Sagar is becoming the hidden euthanasia centre? Make it open and embossed and have me as the first participant willing to get out of here. I promise. Why waste so many resources on intimidating someone when they don’t want to be here anymore?
11. The next post shall be named Japanese Guava. He somehow needed a scooter for a fifty metre walk.
1. I am fond of NDTV prime time. The last episode available is enlightening.
2. A high placed govt. employee doesn’t get a bed in Bihar IGMS and dies due to Video drone. He had been declared negative. Then positive. Then dead . Eight months and counting … testing is still dicey.
3. As if it was not funny enough: Ravish interviews the psychiatrist working in Glasgow. I wonder if she’s been to the Sayasen Foundry. What is a psychiatrist got to do with the testing. She went over there from India to study one month was the duration of the study. She decided to live there: all alone by herself in a Mercedes.
And if you still find the attachment for life: here is a good picture I took this evening:
DeZa Woos A Gain!
Dazzling Linga wood woooos again and again gainsaid sadists modiste.
I had a brief conversation with a dancer and actor who has been a practitioner of the art forms for about a decade and a half. The birds are chirping and insects are buzzing and the cows are mowing and some crows are also adding to the chorus. Analysis kills the art but I cannot give up. Yesterday it was humidity today it is fresh air because there was drizzling in night.
If you find typos here and there you can only consider that I don’t have requisite equipments. My learning curve has brought me here and you can see frequent posts on this blog. I am Brighter Than you think. I can edit better and I can write with better grammar and punctuation. But constraints at present make it very difficult to publish something which is up to the standard of publishing offline via some reputable publishing house. I do not hesitate even for a second to declare that all of this is for myself. It clearly means that if you never read me again it won’t affect me at all. I will never miss your presence aur aur comments or likes. I am absolutely certain about this
Dragonflies and mango trees are dancing in the breeze which is soothing. News channels and papers are busy with agitprop and my home space is filled with vicious talks about Bureaucracy and courtroom drama. The Grand house of householders has agenda of the so called house owners who are slaves to their dreams fancies and wants and desires. Put your fake problems before the comfort Of Those who work to maintain peace and harmony. This is what ego takes delight in. Being a third grade helping teacher in the government my father always took delight in trying to cancel his transfers which have been frequent in the last few years.
He would have loved to be a politician or at least an IAS officer but the stars were not very kind to him.. these days he is busy and often repeatedly rehashing the same bull shit everyday. It is about his contacts with politicians in high places who would help him cancel his transfer. He has been successful in cancelling his transfers in the past and by getting this challenge he gets something to achieve on in his otherwise empty existence.
If not this then the courtroom drama with the in laws of my sibling. The dowry was the issue since the beginning and the in-laws did not leave even me. They wanted to Drag Me To The court knowing well in full that I avoided company at every occasion. And when I say that I have avoided it literally means avoiding. In the five-year history I did not even talk to them for 5 minutes. And yet they wanted me to be subject to the courtroom drama.
This is the field I am talking about. After bringing me here from Brindavana with the excuse mother’s health being critical did not let me go. I tried at least six Times.
Other than my younger sibling and grandmother who are completely in disciplined and reckless. To keep spitting tobacco members of the family left no opportunity to harass me in subtle as well as obvious ways.
Neighbours and relatives left no no opportunity to insult me and ensure that I am put under pressure to marry and work for my living while I am not allowed to leave for the places where I would be best suited to work. They took away my money as well as documents leaving me stranded.
If all of my friends relatives family members and people of my country to disappear due to some Catastrophe aur miracle I would not even buzz. They wanted me to change in ways conducive for proliferating rotten ideas. You can see how well they have been doing.
I have often thought about avoiding such draining articles. In the best of weather we should focus on writing down ideas which look suitable and pleasant. but the best of human stories are those which are imbued with deepest of emotions.
It is what it is. As if written in the Stone I cannot change it. I had many wants and desire but now I have none.
A truck passed by the bypass road. Struck by the Nagin horn I kept scribbling. Trees and plants are dancing in the breeze which is very high speed. Breathing Deep in UK weather Leeds leads. It is not less than a miracle that I found an hour here to note down my ideas. I am grateful to my existence because first I created a direction to my life and then imagined obstructions in achieving the goals earning money is difficult
Right now I am inside the library of Gandhi Bhavan. First I visited place about 2 years ago. And I met this young man who is before me right now. He was wearing a white towel on that day and I was in a white shirt and I asked him about library. He took me to the office there I met Mr Ankit who graciously replied to my queries with affirmative and redirected me towards Mr Ram Charan Vidyarthi who happened to be the librarian here. Now I come back to this present day and feel that this journey has been very fulfilling. Gandhi Smarak Nidhi has contributed in making my Life richer , these books here have a story to tell I worked diligently to catalogue these books with the permission of authorities and along with the ghost , Demons and all kind of supernatural phenomenon I completed this arduous task with rich experience. I feel that some events which happen in your life at crucial times of your struggle tend to become memorable turning points in your life thank you for reading.
7. 17. Out of those four: one who serves me with steadfast devotion with the nondual realisation of being one with me without a wavering mind with love with my essential knowledge : such knower of reality is dearest to me.
The verse ascertains superiority of right knowledge. The chapter is known as gyanavigyanayoga meaning the yoga of science and knowledge.
I was reading Deva Dutt Patnaik: his article today clarifying the difference between Shridevi and Bhoodevi.
The iron Paya versus gold Paya.
The grain versus gold.
The system of feudal lords versus the system of merchandise.
Slavery belonged to system of feudal lords. East India Company.
Abraham Lincoln, Mahatma Gandhi, Thomas Jefferson and Benjamin Franklin along with George Washington worked for the same cause: equality and justice: Shridevi.
Indian constitution heavily borrowed from British and American. I am still reading it. Ambedkar converted to Buddhism and he was also the head of the committee which made the constitution. Is it fair to say that he favoured Shridevi like Gandhi?
The war between East India Company and USA. The feudal versus mercantile system becomes highlight of the current economic crisis. No fresh air and plenty of loans. In the foundation remains the land owner and 1% own entire land. Look at the rebellious Edward Snowden and Wikileaks founder : groundmail delivery address counts. Counts still count. Slavery still exists. It only keeps changing forms. I am telling you from my first hand experience of having worked for a multinational company where all I had after three years of slavery wasn’t enough to feed me for next few months and since I had no foothold in the feudal system either I was looked down upon by both worlds.
Credit cards and EMI. I bought my laptop and bike by using them. I enjoyed laptop for about 8 years. It had cost 47000 rupees and now it’s defunct. The bike cost me 72000 rupees and it’s still available for use. Until I had paid off my debts I was perpetually in stress. I was receiving a meagre 21000 when I joined and 27000 per month when I retired. It wasn’t enough to live comfortably in Bangalore. And my father wanted me to save money and send it to them to pay back the loan on my education.
Since I didn’t give him anything substantial except the 65000 left in my account and the 23000 in my security deposit from my flat : they still consider me to be in debt.
The 300000 on my bachelor’s degree plus 88000 for JEE preparation meant about 400000₹ and it was never paid back by me.
And yet: I never snatched a single rupee out of his pocket. I never asked for JEE or Bachelor’s degree. Whatever my savings were: they used without my permission. They used my bike with my permission.
I am not in any debt today.
And yet: the war is about debts. Imaginary land owners. Imaginary goods. Imaginary parents. Real desires?
Shriman Narayana Narayana Hari Hari!
The southern India would not accept Hindi or English. No one language or one currency. Mission accomplished by language of Love and light.
I was not the same when I had a difficult time believing that one day reading my own words would become the greatest source of inspiration to me. Now as I read myself: I find a most authentic and most trustworthy source of inspiration which is more than merely surface consciousness. There was a time when I remembered all that I had written. I recall that day in Bhopal when I told SV about having scribbled 35 pages at stretch. And I retained all that I had written. I was confident that I recalled all that I had spoken or written down. That was also the reason why it didn’t give me the inspiration or sheer joy to read myself back. Now it’s a different matter. My bandwidth has increased. And I find new gems: soothing and comforting to my body and mind. My pure body of gnosis grows vast.
Hide and Seek!
Birds are chirping and singing. A drilling machine makes noise in the hands of a carpenter working in the neighborhood. He has been working for many days. This body has been sweating incessantly as I sit under the shed of tin foil.
Miss communication is so rampant. It made me drive a few blocks. I have broken a few of my resolves recently: like- no sleeping during the day, no consuming of milk products, no Kurkure or sweets and sweat is so near to sweetmeats.
I need to burn oil lamps under an Ashwath tree at the time of the Twilight as it’s a Saturday and retrograde Saturn must be appeased. I hear distant sirens of buses and dogs barking. Clouds have been playing hide and seek with the Sun. I tried listening to A Scandal in Bohemia but it didn’t create the requisite effect. I need to read the newspaper aloud to grandma for appeasing her demons. But only after I have had an instant coffee. Riding the bike goes with instant coffee and bike had a dry battery today because of the heat. I registered for another edX course on Ebola pandemic and I plan on finishing it up by the end of the next week.
A subtle soft chirping of crickets is audible. I keep asking myself: was this day a success? What were the key events of this day?
Vaidhri ti is not considered a good Nitya Yoga and a lot of planets are retrograde. I read Bhagvat Puran and sang Gayatri Mantra early morning. Yesterday evening drizzle only increased the humidity in the environment therefore the last two days felt extremely hot. I burnt some garbage and cleansed the pig dung along with soot. Ambulance sirens are audible and an acau seed pod flies high. It’s the most potent seed pod I have observed naturally because instead of birds it does its own job. No wonder the whole nine yard is full of new acau shoots whereas we had chopped them off. It wasn’t possible to uproot them. I hesitate in doing that again. My objective is primarily to keep drainage lines clean and the ground in a situation which lets kids enjoy the game without making them injured or fatigued. I hurt my right leg thumb and it bled during a fielding session where I saved some runs. The reason? Accumulation of small stones and pebbles on ground during the severe lockdown version 2. Those debrees are still waiting to be cleared out. Now kids don’t contribute into cleansing the ground. I invited them to participate in the cleaning ritual to inculcate a good habit in them. We cleansed for 5 minutes everyday and since we were 10 or more people it was about an hour of work everyday.
Observing that they were reluctant, I stopped asking them. And you might be surprised how thorough I am in reaching to conclusions regarding public affairs where I am the one in charge: I wanted one of them to say it: that they didn’t want to give their five minutes everyday for cleaning. We were playing for about 90 to 100 minutes at the time. After relaxation in the lockdown 3.0 we started playing again and none of them came forward to offer help in keeping the ground clean. Having previously witnessed their reluctance I only considered it normal to let go and continue doing it myself. Nobody likes policing. I have been doing garbanzo beans for about six months this season and yet polyethylene, leaves, stones and wood is piling up in the drainage lines.
I need tools. Individuation wasn’t as miraculous as living fluid in the schizopolis but it keeps you safe. Of what use a rotten system of Tantra in India is : since it depends on clothes, hair, tuft, classes and money along with lots of swearing. I understand why humans are crown of creation. I also understand why education is so important. I also realise how kabbalah is essentially Bhagvat dharma. Easy eradication of delusional superstition is much preferably superior to fathomless dark night of pseudo religions where nobody understands meaning of any words but talks a lot.
1. I had set myself a goal of learning about constitution of India or Bharat within a month of lunar cycle. The idea was to finish reading the 268 pages of the PDF with about 80% reading comprehension within the duration. Now it seems some magical changes have taken place. My consciousness has been so fluid in the last few days that I have been overlooking all my assignments. Especially: Python programming project (P3) and courses on Indian mythology and others which were available for free on eDX. I wonder if there would be an availability next time I login to their site. I also needed to read some fiction by Carrol Lewis: through the looking glass. Since I am in heavens I need to make most of it. Dad has asked me to wait till twentieth of May to get a new smartphone. Being a patriarch he controls all wealth in the household. I had asked mother and she redirected me to father. After six months of 2-3 hours of everyday given to cleaning this house where they scatter things and spit as they consume tobacco, Supari and other poisons : they lured me into believing that my isolation or using a defunct JIO smartphone was no good. They gave me a second hand smartphone with scratches on screen. And the cat left no scope as I dropped it once to lose a bundle of keys on keypad. I became a kind of Helen Keller or Milton composing with great difficulty what I may have finished with a snap of fingers.
2. Wait: this was supposed to be a note on COI(Constitution of India.)
3. I veer away with hope. The heat is really picking on nerves.
4. After a few days I might get a new smartphone. My laptop is wasted. I spent 1800 rupees on it and within a day it died again. The startup circuit. The maintenance guy humiliated me by humiliating my laptop. The parents humiliated me further by talking behind my back about my being spendthrift. They had almost worshipped me on July 20 2014 when they arrived Vrindavan unbeknownst to me and brought me here by citing morality as an excuse. Since then the six years were supposed to be my correction period. They left no stone unturned. I paid my dues to receive very little back. Those who learnt from me started spitting on my face. I never thought this was going to be the case and my life path would have been much easier had I continued with monks and beggars in 2014. A simple decision in the name of compassion in which my own comfort was also hidden became the Sisyphean curse weight of which is still a ton of atmospheric pressure upon my shoulders.
5. Earning money is difficult. By doing charitable deeds I can get my meals or by begging. I might have called myself a businessman but none of my students stay. In English they want me to teach something which helps them in exams. I teach vocabulary and word roots: I am no James Harbeck or Michael Quinion at that but clearly: I can help them gain words and understand better at a rapid rate. Or I teach yoga to kids: not a Ramdev at it yet I know the fundamentals well enough to make them immortal.
6. I hear you say: this is about the constitution of India. How is a guy supposed to earn his living? I may keep burning garbage like I have been: for the last six months: it won’t fetch money. I am happy with a clean ground instead of a dump pumpkin patch outside my house with pig dung cow faeces. Wait: kids play when lockdown is laxed. Laxity. Maxixe. Tithe blithe Megatron rodomontade.
7. You see. A note about CoI. I can’t give myself even 5GB of data everyday. I can’t download a movie. The day I downloaded one I had a hard time accessing the browser data and YouTube videos refused to play. Constraints. Grave of fireflies.
8. I don’t know if my notes sound more like a joke on myself or a joke on India. I recall Peepli Live. I told uncle about the dead Piglet as I went to collect garbage to burn. The Piglet had its left eye smeared red with blood. It seemed synchronicity as I had written about explosion of pigs in this colony. I wonder: who or what killed it.
9. I had reported the event so that we don’t have to bear with the fetid smell. If I wasn’t the one breathing the news. No, it was :breaking the news: I would have been the one sewing it. Receiving it with wings.
The way of white clouds!
10. Parliament reserves the right regarding union of states. It can divide or add at whim without even passing the bill. Digvijay Singh and company divided Madhya Pradesh into Chattisgarh and Korba was lost. Severe power cuts was the result. I had a hard time in passing my higher secondary studying under a lantern in night on roof and occassionally some insects used to bite into my stomach thanks to Neptune conjunct Moon in my horoscope.
11. Division helps ego. It helps privacy. I tried patching up with my siblings. I tried talking to them normally. They don’t even know how to read or write. And they are too old to learn it from me. While they siezed with force, by hook and by crook, every patch of space I had: I kept giving them the best of resources. Spiritual counseling to ward their demons off. The narrative is set like this: dirty scumbag doesn’t want to lean his room, or bathroom or act. Openly abuses parents and siblings and even beats grandmother: when I ask him to cool down and take some time off he starts believing that it was him who set the limit for himself. He uses casuistry and black magic along with Hindu rituals of touching feet to make others think everything is alright. And he thinks he can kill everyone for his handicap and get away with it. The other kid is the do gooder hooded with underhand tactics under a government which uses those itself : Pegasus for example.
12. Compared to my childhood I barely have any space left here. And new marriages: younger siblings bringing wives means letting go of me or peaceful coexistence. Letting go of me would be the option once they have tried attempting to make me marry or serve them like a slave.
13. I would either go to Puducherry or Rishikesh. Haridwar won’t accept me. Vrindavan is already closed. This place needs babies and toddlers who would grow into men to further the amily tree to feed the hungry souls of ancestors. I need to read my blogs more often than not: they constitute my pure body of gnosis. It’s a weakness to grow fondness for places or people. Individuality, identity, idiosyncrasies are the only thing you truly love and they are delusion. Relative apperception. I have grown out of needs of mirrors. I walk with Narada on celestial waters.
Dancing light of grace 